Tales of Screwedonia
by Zeldafan422
Summary: Crazy parody of the entire game, and everyone is OOC. Can Lloyd and co. refurnish two worlds? My first fan fiction.
1. Chapter One: Crazy Raine and Poor Pastor

Chapter One: Crazy Raine and the Poor, Poor Pastor

"Boyd! GET UP!" Professor Raine shouted. She was looking as angry as ever.

"Urghh...it's Lloyd," he mumbled as he slowly raised his head. To his disappointment, as soon as he raised his head up, he was smacked in the face by the backside of her hand.

"WHY WHY WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO MEAN TO ME!" Lloyd shouted as he ran out of the classroom, tears pouring down his face.

"Anyone else want to get smacked? You've already seen what I did to Floyd." Raine said very threatingly. A kid in the front row let out a small whimper. "I HEARD THAT!" she screamed and nailed him in the face with the broom.

"Raine! Stop!" Genis shouted. "Next you're going to be abusing animals, and you know how much I love animals!"

"Muahahahaha.." Raine laughed maniacally as she grabbed Genis's pet rabbit named Mr. Cuddly Wuddly and threw him out the window. "YOU FOOLISH CHILDREN SHALL ALL DIE!" She pulled out a machine gun and began to shoot up the classroom. The kids all turned their desks over and prepared for the worst.

While Raine was distracted, three kids ran out of the classroom to the pay phones. One of them called 911, one of them called child/animal abuse hotline, and one of them ordered some Domino's Pizza.

Pretty soon the school was surrounded with vehicles. There were a bunch of cop cars and helicopters circling around in the sky. The SWAT team dangled down the ropes and jumped through the school windows, heavily armed. The Dominos employee was wondering who he should ask for the money. And Genis was outside, very upset, looking for Mr. Cuddly Wuddly.

Eventually Raine was captured. Her punishment was two weeks of outstanding community service. Some argued that she got off too easy, saying that she should do hard time. Others took the opposite side, saying mopping floors and sweeping streets was horrifying work.

"WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!" Raine screamed as they put her into a straitjacket and locked her into a windowless van. "I WILL KILL YOU ALL!"

"MR. CUDDLY WUDDLY IS..." Genis sobbed. "DEAD!" Lloyd ran up and began playing the violin slowly and sadly. Colette hid in the bushes and snickered to herself. She was a very mean girl. She kicked puppies and bunnies and all kinds of our woodland friends. She beat up Genis when no one was looking. And Lloyd too, for that matter.

Just then a very, very bright light flashed. Super bright.

"Holy chicken casserole!" Genis yelled, suddenly forgetting all about his rabbit friend. "THAT WAS HECKA BRIGHT!"

"Oh just shut your brat little face, Genis," Colette said very cruelly. "Maybe grow a few feet and people will actually listen to you. Hahahahahahahaha..."

"WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!" Genis screamed. Apparently he took after his big sister. Well, maybe only a little.

"Colette why do you have to be so-" Lloyd began until he thought of a very good insult. "YEAH GENIS, YOU ARE SHORT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Colette began to join in with Lloyd and they laughed together. Genis began to sob again.

"Well, maybe we should check out what that light was," Lloyd said. "Crap, we probably would have known what it was if we actually paid attention."

"I pay attention," said Genis very smugly.

"Did anyone give you permission to talk, BRAT?" Colette said which made Genis cry again. "It's the freaking oracle thingy. Since I'm the Chosen I get to go up there and choose stuff."

"Awesome," Lloyd said. "Wait a minute..I wanna choose stuff! What kind of stuff do you get to choose?"

"I dunno," Colette said. "Let's go find out."

"Me TOO!" said Genis. It was at that point where Lloyd and Colette pushed him face down and he began to cry uncontrollably again.

Once they got up to the church, they saw Pastor getting the snot beaten out of him by Botta and his men. The shoved him into the wall and slammed his head multiple times until he began to cry like a little two year old.He screamed "WAH" as he ran down the hill. As he was running down the hill one of the Renegades pulled out a knife and threw it out him. It hit him directly in his back and he screamed out with pain. He lost his balance and landed face fiirst on the concrete.

"WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!" he screamed as he ran up to Lloyd, Colette, and the brat. "Colette..you must not get killed by the Desians, or else you don't get to choose stuff."

"Like what?" she asked.

"Like what kind of wallpaper all the Houses of Salvation will use for next year," the Pastor murmured.

"Wow," Colette said. "I never knew that I said SUCH a responsibility. I will take all of my duties as Chosen seriously. But for now-" she said and looked down at the dying Pastor with a smirk on her face and pointed at him. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"WHY WHY WHY WHY-" the Pastor said and then he died. Tough cookies with milk.

"Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles," Lloyd said. " 'Specially if it's in milk. Well, let's go."

Why is Colette so mean? What will happen to Raine? Why does everyone keep screaming WHY multiple times? Find out in Chapter Two.

End Chapter One


	2. Chapter Two: The Freaking Martel Temple

Uhh..Warning. This chapter has mild language. Just thought you might like to know. And it's going to be crazy. Really crazy.

Chapter Two: The Temple of Martel

"Hey, hey, guys!" Colette said.

"Yeah?" Lloyd and Genis both asked at the same time.

"Wanna heara joke?" Colette asked.

"Hells yeah!" they both said.

"The pastor is DEAD! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Colette fell to the ground and began to laugh maniacally. Neither Lloyd or Genis laughed, because they weren't evil people like Colette.

"I LIKEZ PEANUT BUTTER!" Genis said, and began to eat peanut butter. Like a lot of it. He shoveled it down by the truckload into his mouth. "Peanut butter says Lloyd and Colette will meet their untimely demies..all hail the peanut butter."

"What the hell is he talking about?" Lloyd said. Being the bored weirdo he is, Lloyd pulled at a Sudoku book and began to do it.

"Lloyd, the peanut butter says you're doing it wrong!" Genis said, while holding his jar of peanut butter like it was the Holy Grail.

"Why is that?" Lloyd said, slightly annoyed as he continued to scribble in his sudoku book.

"Because you're supposed to write numbers, not letters," Genis said. "The peanut butter says you are a dumbass."

"I'LL KILL THE PEANUT BUTTER!" Lloyd screamed and yanked the jar out of Genis's hands. He smashed it against the ground and began to stomp on it like some kind of maniac. "YEAAAAA! YEAAA! HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW FOO'? CAN'T TOUCH THIS! BA NA NA NA BAAAAAAAAH NAH CAN'T TOUCH THIS F(BEEP) YEAH!" He made a very rude gesture with both of his hands at Genis.

Genis began to cry. "WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!" He jumped off a cliff and committed suicide. Man, that kid had some personal problems. But then again, Lloyd did go overboard.

"Alright, now that the brat is out of the way, let's go up there to see what is goin' on," Colette said. As they walked up to the temple, she made sure to kick several puppies along the way, piledrive innocent pedestrians, and of course, jaywalk on every street.

As they neared the temple, Lloyd began to complain. "This freakin' walk is taking forever." He angrily flipped off some random guy that was walking by. The guy hid his head into the newspaper, and began to sob as he ran home.

"Hey, don't act like you're the only one with problems," Colette groaned. "I'm missing High School Musical tonight!" She began to cry softly.

"SCREW that movie!" Lloyd screamed, and got really angry. "I HATE IT! With all the stupid dancing and singing and all of that crap! I HATE it!"

"FINE! You know what?" Colette said as she put on her costume. She began to dance and sang, 'Getcha Head in The Game'.

"NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can't stand this song!" Lloyd screamed as he jumped off another conveniently placed cliff and committed suicide.

"Oh yeah! Alright! I'm da best!" Colette said as she reached the Martel Temple.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey there.." Botta said. "Sup dude?"

"What?" Colette asked, very confused.

"Oh shoot, you're not Yuan!" Botta cursed under his breath. "Chosen, you will die now!"

"But WHY!" Colette asked.

"We do not want the Towerof Salvation to get refurnished! We like the wallpaper the way it IS, thank you very much!" Botta said angrily as the other Renegades agreed saying stuff like 'Yeah Botta', or 'Fight the power!' and other lame hippie phrases.

A mysterious tall dude with messy auburn hair came up dragging Lloyd and Genis. "Chosen," was all he said.

"LLOYD! GENIS! YOU SAVED THEM! How!" Colette inquired in wonder.

"Silly Chosen," Kratos said. "I always save people from their cheesy death situations."

"Oh yeah," Colette remembered. "Like on the way to fight Yggdrasill-"

"Shut up, stupid girl," Kratos said. "The readers shall not know this yet!"

"Oh yeah," Colette remembered. Dejavu.

"Enough of nearly letting the readers in on untold secrets!" Botta screamed. "Now we fight! And by we, I mean this freakishly large guy with a huge deadly mace!" He sat down and pulled out several dozen boxes of Krispy Kreme, and put on a Number 1 finger which said 'Go Renegades!'.

End Chapter Two

**How do you like it? Please R&R!**


	3. Chapter Zero: What the?

_Sorry about my "own" review. My sister accidently was on my name and posted it. Oh well._

_Chapter Three is coming soon!_

**R&R!**

But for now, a little something to keep you waiting.

**Chapter Zero: What the...?**

Lloyd: I'm bored.

Zelos: Yeah, me too. Let's go find some girls.

Colette: Let's kick puppies.

Raine: OoooHHH! I wanna kick puppies!

Regal: Me too. Let us engage in the activity of kicking puppies.

Colette, Raine, Regal: (Kick puppies)

Mithos: Those were MY puppies you little freaks! Now I will cover you in nacho cheese!

Kratos: Dammit! Not nacho cheese! Remember the incident in high school, Yuan?

Yuan: Hehehe..the look on your face. Then we all added in peanut butter and hung you from the ceiling and played Kratos the pinata.

Kratos: I hate you all.

Mithos: EAT NACHO CHEESE, INFERIOR BEINGS! AND SALSA TOO! AND PEANUT BUTTER! AND WHATEVER ELSE WE POURED ON KRATOS IN HIGH SCHOOL!

Genis: Don't worry everyone, the peanut butter is our friend. The peanut butter says we will be okay.

Regal: Are you on drugs?

Genis: ...do you want some?

Mithos: (pours nacho cheese, salsa, and peanut butter on top of everyone)

Zelos: NOOOOOOO! I'm too pretty. Seriously.

Lloyd: Darn. I picked the wrong day to wear socks.

Genis and Colette: (whispering) That's not it.

Lloyd: Err..I mean we picked the wrong guy to mess with.

Mithos: Fools! (eats them)

Regal: Well this stinks.

**End Chapter Zero**

_Well that kinda sucked. Sorry, still thinking of ideas for upcoming chapters._


	4. Chapter Three: Kratos, Chat Rooms, Death

**Chapter Three: Kratos, Chat Rooms, and an Unexpected Death**

"Prepare yourselves!" Kratos yelled as he pulled out his sword.

"With what?" Lloyd asked.

"What in the hell do you think boy? YOUR SWORDS!" Kratos shouted as he ran up to the big dude and began slashing out at him with uber coolness.

"Oh yeah, I have those, don't I?" Lloyd said as he pulled out his swords and charged.

"All I have are these crappy frisbee things!" Colette complained and sat down on the ground and refused to fight.

"ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN A PADDLE BALL!" Genis moaned very loudly and broke the string.

"Do not talk unless I give you permission, you midget mortal," Colette said.

"WHATT?" Genis began to cry. "WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?"

While Lloyd and Kratos were fighting off the big Renegade guy, Colette pulled out her pink laptop and got on her chat rooms.

She began typing:

_I'm having a very good day today. These weird people are fighting a big fat guy for me, and pretty soon I get to go to Hobby Lobby and select new wallpaper for the Tower of Salvation._

A few minutes passed by, but no one talked.

"WHAT FLIPPIN GIVES?" Colette screamed. "NO ONE IS CHATTING! CHAT MORTALS!"

She banged on the keyboard:

_KLAJFALEJTRARTUJ9045932I4PDOAF0-9345DASFKLADSFKJL_

Suddenly a response came up.

_Wow, you've got a temper Colette. I'm never coming on your chat rooms again. Have fun with your stupid wallpaper._

Colette began wailing loudly. " (sob) Without my chat rooms...THERE'S NO WILL FOR ME TO LIVE! WAHHH! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!"

She typed up:

_I hate you all. You are all so stupid. Now I won't let you help me choose the wallpaper for the Tower of Salvation. I hope you're happy._

And the response:

_We are. Now get the hell out of here._

"WAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Colette screamed.

She typed up:

_Won't anyone be my friend?_

The response:

_Colette? Is that you? It's me, Professor Raine._

_Raine? Are you stupid or something? Didn't you read the note that you confiscated from me in class? I HATE YOU._

_What? What are you talking about, Colette?_

_You are ugly and a fashion distaster. That stupid orange robe you always wear has always made me throw up in my mouth. DON'T EVER COME NEAR ME AGAIN. OR ELSE I'LL TURN YOU INTO THE COPS._

_YOU'RE SO HURTFUL COLETTE! _

_Professor Raine has signed off._

"Mweh hehehehehe," Colette giggled. "Nothing brightens up my day more than making other people cry. Especially Professor Raine."

Well, back to the battle. Kratos stuck his sword through the fat guy and he died. At the last second, Lloyd ran up and pretended to slash him and took credit for the victory.

"Just what I didn't expect! Er, I mean just as I expected..oh never mind," Lloyd said very unhappily that he was always forgetting his victory lines.

"Okay, okay, I got it," Kratos said. "Genis is the brains, Colette is the Chosen, and you're the dumbass."

"Yeah, you got that righ-" Lloyd began proudly until he realized that Kratos had insulted him. "OH! SO NOW YOU'RE GOING TO INSULT ME, HUH? WELL YOU NEED A HAIRCUT, BEYOTCH!"

Kratos gasped and took a few steps back like Kratos had just slapped him in the face with all of his strength. "Now you listen here you stiff-necked little rat. I will NOT be talked to like that. Especially about my hair, which I consider very dreamy."

After that remark there were no responses. It was a huge awkward silence until some old lady broke it.

"How can I ever thank you?" said Phaidra, Colette's old and frail grandmother.

"Five hundred dollars."

"Pardon me?"

"Five hundred dollars," Kratos said. "I saved your little bitchy chosen, so I think I deserve payment. RIGHT. NOW." On his last two words, he pulled out his sword.

"Uhhmmhhmm.." Phaidra began nervously. "Y-yes of course." She reached out into her purse and pulled out a wad of cash and change and handed it to Kratos. "Count it, it's all there."

There was a pause of silence as Kratos began to count it. "NO IT AIN'T!" he screamed as he grabbed the old woman by the neck. "THIS is $498.87. I demand you to give me the other $1.13, in the next ten seconds."

"I'm v-very so-sorry sir," she began, "but that is all my son and I have to our name."

"Then I WOULD suggest in the future," he began very threatingly. "to defend the Chosen by yourself. But I do not suggest it because-"

He suddenly paused and stabbed her in the stomach. Then he threw her body into the river.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!' Kratos screamed with maniacal laughter. "Let us go, Chosen. And her little annoying lackeys also."

"Growl growl growl," Lloyd said.

They entered the temple.

**End Chapter Three**

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_Why is Colette so engrossed in her chat rooms? Why did Kratos kill Phaidra? Will Lloyd do something stupid that ends up in him getting hurt? Probably. Find out in Chapter Four of Tales of Screwedonia._

_In the meantime, R&R!_


	5. Chapter Four: A Taco Bell Obsession

**Review Notes**

**Freakyanimegal:** _I'm glad you liked it a lot. Oh, and Kratos acknowledges the pur._

**Brandy Mallory: **_Thanks for the compliments. Too bad Colette destroyed your dreamland. Kratos says he'll make you a new one._

**The Maiden of the Mist: **_Thanks for the suggestions. I'll keep them in mind as I write future chapters._

**Lilikiofish: **_I will take your suggestions into consideration also as I type this chapter. Thanks._

**Sheena the summoner: **_Umm...alright._

_Lloyd will be obsessed with fast food. And a basket case according to Kratos._

_Colette will be an angry jerk._

_Genis...well you know. But he will fight back._

_Raine will be a child abuser._

_Kratos will be Kratos. In his own way. Enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter Four: A Taco Bell Obsession**

Note: This chapter will be from Kratos's point of view.

I remember when Mithos, Martel, and the weird kid with the blue hair, and I first came in here. I was completely clueless just like that dumbass with the terrible hairstyle. Speaking of him..

"Lyle, are your-" I began.

"It's LLOYD, dammit," he said angrily. "Why can't anyone remember my name?"

"Lloyd, Lyle, same thing pretty much," I said. I could see this kid was an absolute basket case. "Are your sword techniques self-taught?"

"Yes." Oh, boy.

"Well no wonder you suck. Since I'm not gonna waste a chunk of my life, however small it may be, teaching a kid with a really bad haircut. So just shut your mouth, and read the dang book." I handed him the Training Manual.

"Alright, alright, you're the one talking," he said and took the book. He began reading it. And reading. And reading. And reading.

"WHAT PAGE ARE YOU ON?" I screamed at him about a few hours later. "ARE YOU ALMOST DONE?"

"Who are you talking to?" he questioned very stupidly. "Me?"

"No, the other kid with the manual," I said very angrily. I cannot wait to lose this kid.

"Oh, I'm almost done with page five," he said, and continued to read.

I was fuming with anger. How stupid can you be? The kid is fifteen years old, and it takes him three hours to read five damned pages.

"I know I'm a fast reader," said Lloyd. Oh em gee. He thinks he's a fast reader. "but I don't think I can finish this, and I'm really in the mood for some Taco Bell."

"WE COULD HAVE BEEN OUT OF HERE, AND ORDERED FROM TACO BELL SEVEN HUNDRED TIMES, IF YOU WEREN'T A DUMBASS READER! AND YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN YOURSELF A NICE HAIR CUT!" I screamed at him. But you would have been really mad too if you had to stand on your feet all freaking day waiting for some kid to read a book.

"You know what?" I said. "Little blue kid is going to read it for you."

"Yeah, I'm WAY smarter than Lloyd-"

"Shut it midget," Colette said. "What did I tell you about talking without permission?"

"I'm sorry, My Queen," the little dude said. My QUEEN? This guy was a total basketcase, letting himself get ruled by some bitchy teen. Oh well, not my problem. I just hope I can get this regeneration crap done quickly enough so Yggdrasill can just put me back into my prison cell so I can finish my 5,000 year sentence.

Anyways, the little brat read the book. And he read the whole thing in like two minutes. He's the dumbest smart person I've ever seen in my 4000+ years of living. (XD, I, Robot)

"Okay, so what do we do now?" I asked, trying to get this damn show on the road.

"You need to find the freakin' Sorcerer's Ring, GOSH!" Napoleon said, and then ran out of the Temple and threw himself off of a cliff.

"Weelll..." I said. "I say we should not question that, and go find the Sorcerer's Ring!"

"And then eat some Taco Bell," said the Lloyd guy.

As we began walking along, I dunno what it was, sudden anger, maybe. But that Lloyd kid with the stupid hair grabbed Genis and shoved him into the wall.

"HAHAHA!" he laughed. "YOU'RE SO SHORT! AND YOU CAN'T FIGHT BACK BECAUSE...uh...YOU'RE SO SHORT!"

Genis was about to start crying, but he couldn't take this forever. He pulled out his paddle ball (All right, it's a kendama, but I'm gonna call it paddle ball) and began to charge up a spell.

"SHUT UP LLOYD!" he screamed as he casted Fireball at the dumbass's hair. It was torched completely so that all was left was a crewcut. "Hahaha!"

"Yes!" I muttered under my breath.

"I'LL KILL YOU GENIS!" Lloyd screamed. "YOU LITLE LEPRECHAUN! I WILL-"

"Shut it, Lloyd," Genis commanded. "I spit in your mouth when you sleep, so I suggest you to not make fun of me anymore."

Lloyd shuddered and began to walkon my side away from Genis. I had to like this little weirdo. He had guts. But his hair was sharp enough to impale someone...and he's voiced by a girl.

We were walking for a long time through the temple until I finally found the Sorcerer's Ring.

"Morons!" I said. "And Genis. Look up there!" I said as I pointed up to a ledge where the Sorcerer's Ring was. "We have to do a block thingy to get up there."

"How do YOU know?" asked Lloyd.

"I know everything," I replied.

"Really? Cool!" he said. "Er..I mean yeah right Kratos you're so stupid." Boy this kid really hated me. My suspicions are because he's a crappy swordsman and he's jealous.

So we fought this giant rock monster. Colette threw her frisbees at it and Genis used magic spells. I did all the work, and that Lloyd kid really didn't help at all. Go figure.

After we had pushed all the blocks in and got the Sorcerer's Ring, that Lloyd kid started being stupid again.

"I wonder if the Sorcerer's Ring can teleport people to Taco Bell," he muttered to himself absentmindedly.

Genis pushed a button on it and a small burst of fire came out of it. Immediately a maniacal look came up on his face and he starting laughing in a very evil way. Well, that's just wonderful. The little dude who I thought was cool is becoming a pyromaniac. Oh, well.

"Alright imbeciles," Colette said. "We have to get past that one obstacle now. How should we approach this?"

"cough SORCERER'S RING cough," I said. Yeah, really stupid, but maybe they would actually catch on without thinking that I had all of the answers.

"Let's use that Sorcerer's Ring!" Lloyd said. "Ha! I am so smart! Now let's go to Taco Bell! Oh, and Kratos, do you need a cough drop?"

"No I'm fine," I said, losing my patience. "Let's just go in there."

"And then Taco Bell." I don't even need to tell you who said that.

Once we were in there, the little bitch put her hand on this thing, and that stupid blonde guy that I hate began to float down very slowly, to increase the suspense and wonder.

"Chosen," said Remiel. "I am Remiel, of Cruxis." He gave me the look, and winked which made me very uncomfortable.

"Remiel," Lloyd said very seriously. "I am Lloyd, of Taco Bell." Geez...

"Whatever," he said, slightly irritated. "Chosen Colette, you must go break all of the seals in Sylvarant, and collect all of the pieces of fabric for the wallpaper."

"So Remiel," Genis began. I hoped he would say something slightly intelligent. "Are you Colette's real father?" Never mind.

"FATHER?" Remiel laughed. "WHERE DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT CRAP? HAHAA!" I gave him a very threatening look. "Er, I mean, yes. Colette my daughter, go to the Seal of Fire, then we shall meet again." He began to float back up as that Tower of Salvation thing appeared outside.

"Wow," Colette said. "Lloyd, Remiel is way cooler than Dirk."

"IS NOT!" Lloyd said. "Well, yeah he is but...you DON'T HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT!" Stupid basket case. "At least Dirk works at Taco Bell."

"Chosen," I said, wanting to desperately get out. "Let us go." I walked out of the temple and she soon followed me.

This was going to be a very, very long journey.

**End Chapter Four**

* * *

_How is this chapter? I hope you liked it. I might consider writing another chapter from another character's point of view. I'm open for suggestions and comments._


	6. Chapter Five: The Human Rodeo

_I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter from Kratos's POV. This chapter will not be from anyone's POV, but I am considering it for future chapters. Yes, I am aware that I screwed up Lloyd's age in Chapter Four. He is 17, not 15. Oh, well._

_This chapter is not only out of character, it is out of plot and setting. But it's a screwed world after all, so I guess that's alright._

_R&R!_

_Zeldafan422_

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Five: The Human Rodeo**

Just as Lloyd and Genis were about to walk out of the temple..

"GENIS! LLOYD!" yelled Raine as she ran out of nowhere holding a wooden club. "YOU TWO WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO COME IN HERE! YOU GUYS ARE DEAD!"

She ran up and grabbed Genis by the back of his shirt and began to beat him with the club.

"RUN LLOYD, RUUUUN!" Genis yelled as he was beaten senseless by his own sister.

Lloyd ran out of the temple as fast as he could without looking back. At the bottom of the hill he could still hear Raine laughing maniacally, the sound of Genis getting beaten, and him screaming.

Once Lloyd was finally back at Iselia, Frank came up to him.

"Hey, Lloyd where's Phaidra?" he asked. "She never came back from the temple."

"Ummm.." he stammered nervously. "I think she's still at the temple working on stuff."

"Thanks," said Frank. "Let me know if you see her again."

A few minutes later, Genis walked into the village, covered with bruises, bumps, and dried blood.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said. "Hey, are you going back to that shack- er I mean to Dirk's House?"

"Yeah," said Lloyd. "Wanna come with me?"

"Sure," said Genis. "Just follow me to my house first, Dumbass."

"No problem," Lloyd replied. "But quit calling me Dumbass. It's very hurtful."

Once they were at Genis's house, he began to gather supplies.

"Geez, Genis," Lloyd began. "What IS all this stuff?"

"Umm..food and recipes for cooking," he replied, "books for reading.." As he said books for reading, Lloyd snorted, and mumbled something about 'who reads?'

"Oh, and pepper spray, in case we run into Raine again."

"Sounds good," Lloyd said. "Let's go."

As they were leaving the village, they were stopped by two men wearing Halloween costumes. They looked pretty stupid.

"Hey, Dumbshit!" one of them yelled.

"It's Dumbass," Lloyd replied.

"Whatever," the guard replied. "Get your stupid moose out of here."

"HE'S NOT A MOOSE!" Lloyd yelled in anger. "HE'S A PONY!"

"Whatever," the guard repeated. "Just get him outta hear. And stay out of the rodeo. Those Desian cowboys have been getting a little out of control lately."

"We won't! Right Genis?" Lloyd asked, certain of Genis's response.

"HA! I've been there like a million times!" Genis said enthusiastically. "Er..I mean no of course not Sir have a nice day." At that point he pushed Lloyd on top of Noishe and they sped out of the village.

"Genis what was up with that?" Lloyd asked. Normally Lloyd didn't catch on to anything, but even he could understand something was up.

"Ummm.." Genis stammered. "Hey, Lloyd! Let's go to Taco Bell!"

"TACO BELL?" Lloyd screamed and grabbed Genis by the shirt. "WHERE! WHERE!"

"Ummm.." Genis repeated. "Calm down first. It's right through..uh..the forest."

"Must go through forest." Lloyd said. "Must go faster. Must go faster."

"Chill OUT, Lloyd," Genis said.

"But, but the Taco Bell!" was Lloyd's very emotional reply. "She's waitin' for me!"

"She can wait another three minutes," Genis responded, impatient. "We're almost there."

They rode on Noishe for three minutes and two seconds, when they reached the Desian human rodeo.

"Umm...Genis," Lloyd said. "Is this Taco Bell?"

"Sorry Lloyd," Genis replied. "But there is this old lady here that needs food and I've been giving her some of my lunch."

"WHAT!" Lloyd said. "IT'S NOT AN ALIEN FROM OUTER SPACE?"

"No, you dumbass," Genis said. "Honestly, sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you.."

"I'm very offended Genis."

"Sorry."

"Ok."

"Dammit," Genis said angrily. "The prisoners don't come out for another fifteen minutes."

"I KNOW!" said Lloyd. "Let's pass time by playing the random game."

_

* * *

_

_Instructions for The Random Game_

_The person who starts says the most random word that they can think of. Next, the other person says a random word, and that word cannot be related to the word that the first person said. The first person says another unrelated word, then the second person, and repeated. First person to say a related word, loses._

* * *

"Alright I start," said Lloyd. "French toast." 

"Ummm...lamp."

"Penguin."

"Internet."

"What's an Internet?"

"I dunno. It's your turn Lloyd."

"Umm..soda can."

"Nintendo DS."

"Gary Coleman."

"Hang on give me a second...Monopoly."

"Peanut butter."

"Google Earth."

"Chile."

"HA! Chile is in Google Earth, Lloyd," Genis said. "I win!"

"DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!" Lloyd shouted. "I always lose just cause you're smarter than me."

"Of course," Genis said. "C'mon, Marble should be out now."

Genis and Lloyd ran over to the other side of the rodeo and Genis got Marble's attention.

"Marble!" Genis yelled. "What's wrong with your back?"

"I.." Marble began as tears slowlydripped down her face. "I got ridden."

"What the heck?" Lloyd said, very shocked. "RIDDEN?"

"It's a human rodeo, Lloyd," Genis said. "The Desians ride the humans."

"Holy crap old hag!" Lloyd suddenly shouted. "Is that an Exsphere? Without a Key Crest!"

"You're very knowledgeable," she said, although she wasn't very sincere.

"Yeah, I know," Lloyd replied. "I'm surprised someone like you from the Jurassic period has one of these babies."

"LLOYD!" Genis yelled. "Quit being mean to Marble."

"Fine then," Lloyd said. "I won't tell you about the Key Crest."

"Please?"

"No."

"Fine then," Genis said. "I'll just ask Pee-Wee Herman!"

"She needs a crappy Key Crest for her crappy Exsphere, or else she'll die!" said Pee-Wee, then he rode away on his bike.

"Lloyd!" said Genis. "Get your dad to buy one on eBay!"

"I dunno.." said Lloyd.

"I'll take you to Taco Bell!"

"Deal!"

"Hey old hag!" a Desian shouted. "My buddy wants to ride you! Get the hell over here!"

"Oh no!" Genis yelled. "She won't survive another ride. Let's get to higher ground and see what's going on!"

Lloyd and Genis used their super cheesy jumping powers to get up to a high ledge. They looked down to see that Marble was in trouble, and was being ridden by several different people at one time.

"Genis, use magic!" Lloyd said. "I'll run down and hog all of the attention."

"Okay!" Genis said. He tossed Lloyd a Taco Supreme to give him energy.

"YAY TACO!" Lloyd said and gobbled it down. "Let's do it!"

**End Chapter Five**


	7. Chapter Six: The Vandalism of Iselia

**Chapter Six: The Vandalism of Iselia**

"Alright!" said Genis. "Puddingball! (instead of Fireball) " Suddenly three balls of pudding flew over to the Desians riding on Marble and him them in the face.

"That's a new one," said Lloyd.

"Yep."

Next, Lloyd jumped down and caught the attention of the Desians. Once they started chasing after him, he began to ran away.

Meanwhile, Genis was hiding in the bushes. He began to walk away, when suddenly, being the clumsy ass he is, he fell right on his face.

"AH DAMMIT! MOTHER (BEEP)!" Genis screamed with pain. "OH, SON OF A BITCH, THAT HURT! DAMN MOTHER (BEEP) ROCK! PIECE OF SHIT!"

The Desians suddenly stopped and gasped loudly. Who knew Genis was such a dirty mouth?

"Even MY mouth isn't that dirty," one of them said.

"Me either," said the other one, still in shock. "Let's go check it out."

"Stupid idiot," Lloyd said as he ran over to confront the Desians before Genis did anything else stupid.

"Hey, kid!" the Desain said. "You goin' down foo'!"

"Dude," said Lloyd. "Two things wrong with that. #1. You're not Mr T. #2. I'm going to kick your ass."

"Get 'em!" yelled the Desian, and they ran in to try and whip Lloyd. Of course, it was only a few minutes of easy button mashing until the battle was over. (Nothing against button mashing, cause I like it!)

By that time Genis was at the bottom of the huge hill. He looked up to see Lloyd falling really fast and screaming at the top of his lungs like a little girl. He landed on top of Genis.

"Oww.." Genis and Lloyd moaned at the same time. They just laid there fora few hours before either of them moved.

"Well Genis," Lloyd said. "I have to get going. Dirk is going to be home with Taco Bell really soon."

"Bye Dumbass."

"Shut it."

Lloyd walked the other way through Iselia Forest to Dirk's House. He entered through the front door and collapsed on the couch, exhuasted and in pain from the long fall.

"Hi Dad," he managed to say.

"Kid," Dirk said. "Ya late. Here's your Taco Bell."He tossed the bag to Lloyd and he opened it up very fast.

"It's cold," he complained.

"And you were late," Dirk replied. "I'm not warming it up for you. Now tell me why you were so late."

"I.." Lloyd said. "This mercenary with a lot of hair was in town and he had an Exsphere without aPizza Crust thingy.

"That's KEY CREST," Dirk said angrily, "and there's NO way that he had an Exsphere without one. Now tell me who REALLY had it, or no food for two months."

"But then I'd die!"

"So you'd better tell me then."

"Umm.." Lloyd said. He figured his life was more important than Genis's stupid secrets. "This old hag at the rodeo."

"AT THE RODEO?" Dirk screamed. "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO- wait. Did she get ridden?"

"Yeah."

"Hehehehee..."

Lloyd began to laugh nervously also, hoping he had gotten out of trouble.

"NEVER LAUGH AT SOMEONE WHEN THEY GET RIDDEN!" Dirk screamed. "THAT WAS A TEST, AND YOU FAIL!" Once he was done screaming, he tackled Lloyd to the ground and began to beat him.

Outside, Genis, Raine, Kratos, and Colette could hear the sound of Dirk's wooden club against his skin.

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO BEAT ME MULTIPLE TIMES!" he screamed as he ran out of the house screaming 'why' multiple times.

"Oh," Lloyd said. "I guess you heard me getting beaten."

"Um, Lloyd?" Colette asked. "Could I talk to you up on the loft?"

"No," said Lloyd. "Why would I want to talk to- OW! Genis, you little ass. Fine, I'll talk to you. Just gimme a few minutes."

Then Lloyd went up and decided to talk to Raine.

"Hi Raine."

"You may have gotten away from me at the Temple of Martel..but I will get you Lloyd Irving. I will leave no child unabused."

"O..ookay.."

Next up was Genis.

"I don't think he's gonna buy it, Genis."

"You suck Lloyd. I ask you to do one simple thing, and you can't do it."

"Shut it, shorty."

Finally, it was time to talk to Kratos.

"Whose grave is this?"

"Oh, this is my mom Anna."

"HOLY CRAP! SO YOU ARE...OMG!"

"What? What's wrong? I'm what?"

"Never mind."

After he was done talking to everyone, he went up to the loft to talk to Colette (reluctantly).

"Hi Lloyd."

"Hi Colette."

After that there was an awkward silence.

"Can I come with you on your super-duper, action-packed, pudding-filled adventure?" Lloyd asked suddenly.

"Umm..." Colette said. "Sure, but it's not going to be pudding-filled."

"I'm not coming."

Colette sighed. "I guess I could have the Professor pack us a little pudding."

"I'M COMIN' TOMORROW!"

"Alright, so how does11:30 sound?"Colette asked.

"I dunno.." Lloyd said. "Noon would work much better with my schedule."

"Alright!" repeated Colette. "Noon it is! See you tomorrow."

She walked down from the loft and left with everyone.

"Hehehehe..." Lloyd said to himself. "She never asked for her birthday present. I guess I still have to make it though...rats."

After he finished the piece of crap birthday present, Lloyd went to bed. The next morning, he walked outside to see Dirk.

"Here's the Key Crest you wanted," Dirk said. "I found it on eBay last night."

"Thanks Dad! I knew you would-" Lloyd said.

"Get outta here before I change my mind," Dirk commanded.

"O..okay."

As he began to enter the forest, Genis came running up to him.

"YOU DUMBASS!" he shouted. "WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?"

"Umm.." Lloyd said. "Nothin really. I got the Key Crest for Marble."

"SCREW MARBLE!" Genis shouted surprsingly. "COLETTE AND THE OTHERS LEFT TWO HOURS AGO!"

"But she said noon!" Lloyd said, realizing it was still a half hour until noon. "That BITCH!"

"Follow me, Lloyd!" Genis said. "We have to get to Iselia!"

Once Genis and Lloyd were at Iselia, they ran over to Colette's house. They were about to walk in, but then Lloyd spotted a save circle.

"AHH!" Lloyd screamed in terror. "SHINY WHITE CIRCLE OF DEATH!"

"No, Lloyd, it's okay!" Genis shouted, but Lloyd wouldn't listen. He sighed and took Lloyd inside.

"Hey, guys," said Frank. "Phaidra still hasn't come back, I'm getting really worried. Oh, and here's this letter that Colette left for you."

It read:

_Dear Lloyd,_

_...oh, and the brat too._

_I'm sorry I lied to you both. Well...let me think about that. Not really, actually._

_But it's going to be a dangerous journey. Plus these two things:_

_#1. Kratos says that meatloaf is smarter than both of you put together._

_#2. If we get stranded, and ran out of food, we'd probably end up eating Genis._

_But we have some treasured moments, too, Lloyd. I remember pulling off the Professor's wig, and stealing Genis'speanut butter sandwiches at lunch._

"So it WAS you!"

"Hehehehehe..."

_So...goodbye._

_I hate you both, and if I ever see you again, the Professor and Kratos both agree that they will eat you._

_Love,_

_-Colette-_

Just as Genis was about to get angrier at Lloyd for the whole peanut butter sandwiches thing, they heard a loud boom outside.

They ran outside to see that the Desians were riding into town on the prisoners, and that they had commited serious vandalism.

Lloyd and Genis ran in two seperate directions to find out what was going on. To Lloyd's shock, it was awful. Every single tree in the whole village had been TP'ed. He looked around on the walls of all the houses to see grafitti reading 'Forcystus Rulez', or 'Half-elves pwnall human n00bs'.

Lloyd ran back to find Genis, and to his horror, Genis was trying to light houses on fire with the Sorcerer's Ring.

"GENIS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" Lloyd screamed as he grabbed the ring out of his hands.

"Having some fun," Genis said.

"Let's go to the Town Square!" Lloyd said. And they did.

"You visited the rodeo, Lloyd Irving!" yelled Forcystus. "Now you must fight the chosen opponent."

At his word, a giant pizza monster ran out and began attacking Genis and Lloyd.

It was a hard battle, and Lloyd had to use several Nacho Gels. (What? Lloyd loves Taco Bell!) Finally, Genis attacked with Fireball, and the pizza monster got overheated.

Now comes the 'victory line'. "I feel like a piece of crap today!" (Remember, all Symphonians in this story forget their victory lines)

All of the pizza cheese flew over and landed on Forcystus.

Suddenly, a voice was heard.

_Genis...you were like a grandson to me. I hate you Lloyd._

"Mark my words Lloyd Irving," Forcystus began. "When I am no longer a cheesy delight, I will...hey! Is that pepperoni?" He began to lick himself as he walked away with the other Desians.

"Lloyd Irving," began the very, very fat Mayor of Iselia. "You are hereby banned from Iselia. And your little brat too."

"C'mon Genis," Lloyd began. "Let's take this maturely."

"You know what, Mayor?" Genis said, very angry. "SCREW YOU! I'M SURPRISED YOU'RE NOT ON THE ATKINS DIET, YOU JACKASS!"

"Genis!"

"BETCHA CAN'T STOPSTUFFING THOSE DONUTS IN YOUR MOUTH YOU FATTY!" Genis then flipped off the Mayor.

"Um.." Lloyd said as he began to pull Genis out of Iselia. "Bye everyone!"

**End Chapter Six**


	8. Chapter Seven: Triet and Renegade Base

**Review Notes**

_I will only do Review Notes every few chapters, sorry._

**Sheena the Summoner: **_I'm glad you liked the why line. I haven't really been using it that much anymore.._

**Sunfrost: **_Hmm..I'm not sure about the Presea thing. Maybe in a future chapter when they go to Tethealla._

**Kazen: **_She was kind of a child abuser in the game, but I hope I exaggerated it a lot in the story. Especially in the first chapter._

**Brandy Mallory:**_I agree, Kratos is a lot cooler, evil. I may want to do another POV from him._

**Kirbykirby726: **_Yeah, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure is one of the funniest movies ever._

**Freakyanimegal456: **_Uh huh, Mexican food is the best. And don't steal Nacho Gels. It upsets Lloyd._

**The Maiden of The Mist: **_Thanks for all the reviews. I will try to use more description in this chapter._

**Fallenangel9493: **_I'm glad you liked it. I might make Sheena gothic when she makes her first appearance, which should be in a few chapters. But if a lot of people don't want her to, then I won't, and vice versa. I'm thinking on it._

_Thank you to everyone who reviews! You guys are awesome! If there was another reviewer that I accidently missed, please let me know and I will add you in somehow. R&R!_

_Oh, and Author's Note: Yeah, this whole story is going to contain spoilers, but this chapter definitely does. It's Yuan who leaks them!_

_Yuan: Not my fault. Oh, and Zeldafan422 doesn't own anything. How about some disco?_

_Author: Righteous! (turns on music and we begin dancing 70's)_

_

* * *

_**Chapter Seven: Triet, and the Renegade Base**

"Thanks a bunch Lloyd," Genis said. "You got me kicked out of Iselia."

"YOU MIGHT HAVE HAD A CHANCE TO STAY IF YOU HADN'T CUSSED HIM OUT AND FLIPPED HIM OFF!" Lloyd screamed, mad that Genis blamed him.

"Hehe," Genis laughed. "It was worth it."

They walked for a long time through the field. Where is a Rheiard when you need one, or a Quick Jump option? Oh well.

They finally reached Triet, the Desert Oasis. It was hard to see, because unless you had your eyes closed, you had to brush sand out of your eyes every few seconds, since it was madly flying everywhere.

"Hey! You there!" Lloyd and Genis heard a Desian shout to an old man. "Have you seen this boy?" He held up a picture of Lloyd.

"Sup dude?" Lloyd asked the Desian.

"SHUT UP!" Genis whispered. He grabbed him, and pulled him over to a hiding spot.

"What?" The Desian turned around. "Who said that?" He mumbled to himself about ghosts, and then stuck up a wanted poster of Lloyd, on the sandy brick wall.

"I'm not THAT ugly!" Lloyd said.

"Yeah you are," Genis said.

"Shut it, munchkin," Lloyd said. Quit making fun of short people, Lloyd.

"Alright," Lloyd said, to no one in particular.

"What?" Genis asked.

"Never mind," said Lloyd. "Let's go try and find out where Colette and the others are."

They walked around the market for a while, looking at all the shops, when Lloyd spotted a Taco Bell.

"OH EM GEE!" he shouted. "It's Taco Bell!" He ran inside as fast as he could leaving Genis outside in the heat. Once he finished ordering, he walked about with about eleven bags, and handed one of them to Genis.

"You're going to get fat Lloyd," Genis said. Don't taunt him Genis, you know what he's going to say..

"Better than being short," he shot back, although a lot of people would disagree strongly.

"THAT'S IT, LLOYD IRVING!" Genis screamed, because he had had the last straw. He pulled out his paddle ball (fine, kendama), and screamed, "FIREBALL!"

The burning fireballs zoomed through the air right over at Lloyd's Taco Bell. It was a direct hit, and all of the delicious Mexican delights were burned to ashes.

"NO!" Lloyd said, and yelled the famous 'WHY' several times. "How could you Genis? I thought you were my-"

Suddenly a ball of electric energy came flying out of nowhere. Lloyd quickly dived to the side, and hit the ground hard.

"Oww.." he moaned, that was back to his usual overconfident self. "HA! You Desian losers couldn't hit a-"

Seven thousand volts of electricity coursed through his body as he was hit by one of the shock..ball things. Before losing conscienceness, he could hear Kratos and Yuan laughing.

"Alright!" said the look alike Desian, AKA the Renegade. "Take him to the base." He looked at Genis with a piercing look of distaste. "You're in big trouble kid."

"B..b..b..but," Genis stammered, and his lower lip trembled. "LLOYD MADE ME DO IT! HE'S SO MEAN! LOCK HIM UP AND NEVER LET HIM OUT!"

"Oh, alright kid," the Renegade said reluctantly. "But if I ever see you again, you're going to get locked up with him."

"Aw, gee," Genis said as he..hugged (yes, hugged) the man. "THANKS MISTER!"

"GET OFFA ME!" he shouted and zapped Genis with a taser.

Once Genis finally came to, he looked around to see, hot, and dry sand as far as he could see in any direction.

"Well this sucks," he said to himself, angrily. Then he heard Noishe trotting up slowly.

"Alright boy," Genis said and hopped on. "Let's go back to Triet."

Noishe growled very angrily, as if to say 'We have to rescue the dumbass first.'

"Oh, fine," Genis answered reluctantly. "But if he gets caught again, we're not going to rescue him."

Noishe barked in agreement.

* * *

Lloyd paced the prison cell, impatiently, trying to find a way out. He heard two voices outside, and listened intently. 

"I gotta feel sorry for that kid in red," one of them said. "There's no way he can escape having peanut butter poured all over him."

"Yeah," agreed the other one.

"Peanut butter?" Lloyd said with shock. "What the hell?"

The guards had taken all of his things away, except for the Sorcerer's Ring. Lloyd felt his finger for it, but to his surprise it wasn't there.

"Ah man!" he said. "They took that too!" He thought for a moment and then it hit him. Back in Iselia, Genis had been using the Sorcerer's Ring to try and burn houses down. "Darn it! He still has it! Stupid Genis!"

A Renegade paced back and forth outside of his cell as a guard. Lloyd began to quickly formulate a plan in his mind. Once the guard stepped a little too close to the cell, Lloyd grabbed him by his shirt, and banged his head against the lock.

The Renegade soldier crumpled to the floor, unconscious. The cell door rolled open to his left.

Lloyd immediately ran out of the cell and went looking for his gear. He walked for a little while, until he found in all in a small golden chest.

"Hooray!" Lloyd said. "Hooray for banging heads against steel locks and opening small golden chests!"

He found a door and went into the next room. When he walked in, he saw two Renegades (Of course, he thought they were Desians.) come in; one of them had a lamp shade on his head.

"Maaan," he said. "That was some party last night!"

"You know it!" replied the other one. "Wait..did we leave the door unlocked?"

"Umm..." Renegade #1 said. "I think so, but why does it matter? It's not like someone's going to escape through it."

"Yeah," responded #2. "What are the odds of that?" They both chuckled and walked out.

"Hehe," Lloyd laughed to himself. "What idiots. Now I can just walk through the door without solving a tedious puzzle, which I bet involves changing the Sorcerer's Ring."

He went through the unlocked door and walked down the hallway. A few enemies came up, and he had to get into a few fights, but nothing big happened. Next, Lloyd walked into a room with a bunch of weird stuff. There was a hologram of a cube.

"What the..?" Lloyd said. "How the hell am I supposed to do this?"

He began thinking about how he would address the issue. He contemplated it deeply, and thought long and hard about how to proceed reasonably.

"BREAK THE DOOR DOWN!" he yelled to no one in particular, and ran up to the door and began hacking away with both of his crappy wooden swords. They broke against the steel door.

"Dang it!" he whined. "Good thing I got a spare pair!"

But instead of doing the stupid thing, and breaking his swords against the door again, he did the even STUPIDER thing, and charged at thedoor with his head down.

"AAAAAAAAAHHH!" he screamed in pain as his head bashed through the door. "My head.."

"And just who the hell are you?" came a voice. Hooray, it's YUAN!

"Give me your nameand I'll give you a present," Lloyd said.

"None of your buisness," Yuan said EVILLY. "I don't need any presents. Besides, I got these really cool blue socks from Kratos for Christmas!"

"What?" Lloyd asked in confusion. "Kratos? Did you say Kratos?"

"No!" Yuan said, a little paranoid that Lloyd was onto him. "Whose Kratos? I don't know any Kratos! He definitely couldn't be my best friend that I went on a journey with, and we're DEFINITELY NOT FOUR THOUSAND YEARS OLD!"

"Of course not!" Lloyd yelled. "Who would believe crap like that?"

"Umm..exactly!" Yuan said. "Time to die!"

At that moment, Genis, Kratos, Colette, and (to Lloyd's dismay) Professor Raine came in through the door.

"Hi Kratos!" Yuan said. "Ready for our date?"

Kratos muttered so that only Yuan could hear. "Not right now. Send Botta in so we can kick his ass."

"How about Tuesday?" Yuan whispered.

"Works for me," Kratos responded.

"Alright Lloyd Irving!" Yuan shouted. "I will get you next time!" He winked at Kratos, and then ran out. Botta ran in and there was a fight. Yeah...

Kratos struck the final blow. "Blame your nose!" Heh, another messed up victory line.

"I underestimated you," Botta said. "I'll be back!"

"Hey!" Genis said. "That reminded me of a certain actor!"

"Who?" Raine asked. "Tom Cruise?"

"No.." said Genis.

"Johnny Depp?" inquired Colette.

"No.." Genis repeated, "but I'm sure I'll think of it!"

**End Chapter Seven**

_Holy crap, Kratos and Yuan are..gay! If enough people don't want them to, I suppose this will be the only chapter with it. I thought it was a funny idea..review and give me your opinion!_


	9. Chapter Eight: The Seal of Fire

_Author's Note: No review notes in this chapter out of sheer "I-don't-feel-like-doing-them." Probably next chapter. About the whole KratosxYuan topic, I have decided for now not to put any more of it in. I am against homosexuality, so when I put it in there it was only for a joke. The voting was not really evenly split..but this is probably my final decision. Sorry to those who wanted it, please don't get mad at me. (Gives cookies to everyone who wanted it)_

_-Zeldafan422_

_Yuan: I want to be in the story some more._

_Me: Too bad. Say the disclaimer._

_Yuan: (sigh) Zeldafan422 owns nothing Tales of Symhponia related. And nothing Taco Bell related either. Although he wished he did._

_Me: Yep._

_Okay, my feeble attempt at humor is finished, R&R!

* * *

_

**Chapter Eight: The Seal of Fire**

"Stew-pid Lloyd," Kratos said once they were all back at the Triet inn. "Getting captured is something that you should always try your hardest to avoid."

"Shut it," Lloyd said. "At least I don't have stupid spikey hair."

"That is IT!" Kratos screamed, and pulled out his sword.

"Boys," Raine said. "Cut it out, or I shall abuse you both. Painfully."

Kratos growled angrily and nearly attacked Raine instead of Lloyd. _Once this is all over, Kratos, _he said to himself, _you can do whatever you want..just hold in your anger..._

"CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" he screamed, and slashed at Raine horizontally. She ducked at the last second and screamed in terror. Kratos's anger subsided and he calmed down. "Umm..sorry. I thought I saw a fly on your shirt."

"Riiight.." Raine said nervously. "Of coruse." But she walked as far away from Kratos as possible when they headed toward the Triet Ruins.

Once they were there, Lloyd yelled, "Be on your guard, there are enemies about!"

Kratos was about to smack him upside the head for stealing his line, but figured it could wait until after the fight. They attacked the enemies until finally they were all defeated with a slash of Colette's frisbees. Yeah, I know they're chakrams, but I have my own names for all of these weird weapons.

"Horrid job everyone!" she said in victory.

After the battle, Kratos smacked Lloyd upside the head, while the others went up to the entrance to see the Oracle Stone thingy. (That's what it's called, right?)

"OH EM GEE!" Raine shouted with glee. Hehe, I rhymed. "IT'S THE FREAKIN' ORACLE STONE! I WONDER IF THIS IS WHERE ME AND GENIS CAME FROM?"

"What?" everyone asked in unison, really confused.

"I MEAN..FEEL THE SMOOTH SURFACE! IT'S WONDROUS!" Raine shouted, sort of nervous trying to cover up for the slip. "COLETTE PLACE YOUR HAND ON IT SO WE CAN ALL LOOK IN WONDER!"

"Is she always like this?" Lloyd asked.

"...," Genis stammered. "I've been trying so hard to hide it too. She's such a bitch." That comment earned him a kick in the stomach from the Professor.

Colette walked up to the Oracle Stone and placed her hand on it. It began to shine for a little while, but then nothing happened.

Suddenly, red lights began to blare. "ACCESS DENIED. ACCESS DENIED. ACCESS DENIED. INTRUDER ALERT. INTRUDERS SHALL BE SHOT."

"No!' Colette screamed and began to cry. She started to kick the Oracle Stone. "NO NO NO NO NO!" With her last kick, the red lights stopped shining and the voice was gone. The entrance opened up.

"Wow!" Colette exclaimed happily. "I guess I really AM the Chosen!"

"Umm..." Kratos said. "I suppose so. C'mon everyone, let's go!"

The group walked inside the temple to see a bunch of enemies flying around everywhere. Everyone ran around them, but some of them pecked Lloyd in the head.

"Ow!" he yelled. "Why am I the only one getting hit?"

"Because you're stupid," Kratos replied. "Now open the chest, boy."

"You're such a jerk!" Lloyd screamed into his face, but obeyed him. He opened the chest and pulled out a Extra Large Nacho Gel.

"Delicious!" Lloyd exclaimed as he was about to eat it. "My favorite!"

Right when he was about to stuff the Mexican delight into his mouth, Kratos grabbed it out of his hands and gobbled it down.

"I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" Lloyd screamed at him and kicked him hard in the shins.

"EVERYONE hates you Lloyd," Genis informed him, and he began to cry. Poor guy. I rhymed again.

Once Lloyd got ahold of himself, they went into a room with an unlit torch.

"Floyd," Raine said to him.

"It's LLOYD," he informed her angrily.

"Whatever," she began. "You have to go through the whole temple and light all of the torches."

"Mmmmkay," he said uncaringly and went to go do it. He lit all of the torches with the Sorcerer's Ring, solved all of the annoying and tedious puzzles, and opened chests all by himself. After he did all of this, they met up near the warp point to the boss.

"I think I deserve a break," Lloyd said angrily to everyone. "I did all of the work, and I still don't have any Nacho Gels. Please don't make me fight the boss!"

"Sorry kid," Kratos said, although he was 100 insincere. "But before we fight the boss we have to save on the white circle."

"Haha," Genis laughed. "Remember when you were afraid of them, Lloyd?"

"Hahahahahaha SHUT UP," Lloyd said angrily, and they went into the warp pad to fight the boss.

They walked in to see the seal. Once Colette was about to walk over and break it, the boss appeared and the fight began.

"This is not our day," Genis complained and began to wail.

"Shut it Genis," Lloyd commanded him as he ran up to the boss and began to hack away with his swords. Pretty soon his fatigue caught up with him and he collapsed on the ground.

"Pathetic," Kratos said, as he slashed at the monster.

Colette attacked from far away as usual, throwing her frisbees at the boss, and using spells, and uh, stuff like that.

Genis finally got up and cast Aqua Edge at the boss. It was the smartest thing he's done all chapter.

The boss finally died, and it was Genis's turn for a victory line.

"Man, we were pathetic!" Another screwed victory line.

"O, Goddess Martel, give me strength..and all that good stuff," Colette said.

Then that stupid Remiel came floating down all slow and dramatic.

"Colette my daughter," he began. "You have done well to break the seal single-handedly."

"HEY!"

"Next," he continued without any acknowledgement of the group protesting. "You must break the Seal of Wind. Later, dudes."

"Now," said Kratos. "We head for the Ossa Trail!"

**End Chapter Eight**

_A/N: Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I was really busy. Review, review, review!_


	10. Chapter Nine: Crazy Goth Ninja?

_Author's Note: Review Notes!Huzzah! But of course this means I have to give an apology to everyone who requested more KratosxYuan. Oh well._

**Nife: **_Apology. I'm glad you think my story is friggin hilarious._

**Nakoya: **_Apology. And yes, here is an update, and there usually be a new chapter every day, unless I am really busy._

**131Kratos: **_Alright, alright. Keep reading, please._

**Kazen: **_Apology. Here is another great chapter._

**Brandy Mallory: **_Apology. YOUR CITY DOESN'T HAVE A TACO BELL? That's gotta be like, illegal._

**Fallenangel9493: **_Kranna won't really work in this story, so I guess Kratos won't really have a relationship. Oh well._

**The Maiden of the Mist: **_Apology. Hooray for Arnold Schwarzaicantspellhislastname._

**Freakyanimegal456:**_Please don't call it chappie. Nevertheless, I'm glad you liked it._

**Absolute Tableness: **_Apology. And I'm not really sure why you think it's one of the funniest stories ever, but I am still flattered._

**Kirbykirby726: **_Yeah, the oracle stone was probably one of my better ideas._

_Thank you to everyone who reviews, you guys are awesome! If I accidently missed someone reviewing, please let me know ASAP!

* * *

Now that I'm done apologizing and acknoledging the reviews, it's time for the disclaimer! With Sheena Fujiyabashi or whatever her name is!_

_Me: So Sheena..are you really goth?_

_Sheena: I dunno. Do I get to rant in front of the readers?_

_Me: No, but you get to say the disclaimer._

_Sheena: (sighs) Namco owns Tales of Symphonia, and Apple owns iPod and all that stuff.

* * *

_

**Chapter Nine: Crazy Goth Ninja...or is she?**

"Sosa Trail?" Lloyd asked really stupidly. "Like, as in Sammy Sosa?"

"You're an idiot, Lloyd," Colette informed him. "It's the Ossa Trail."

"Salsa Trail?"

"Shut it," Genis said angrily. "Just when I thought you couldn't get any stupider."

"Pointy haired kid," Kratos replied to him. "We all know that Lloyd is a dumbass, so just shut up."

"Your hair is pointy too!" Genis shot back.

"Your's is pointy-ER!" Colette suddenly yelled. Pretty soon they were all screaming and yelling at each other angrily except for Raine. She just sat down and read a book.

A few hours later..

Raine had finished her book. Everyone was still screaming and yelling, and Raine could have finished probably about twenty books. But they had to get this regeneration thing done, so she broke it up.

"Everyone stop yelling about stupid things!" she yelled at them. "OR I SHALL BEAT YOU ALL SENSELESS!"

Everyone shut up and continued walking. Most of them had been beaten by Raine before, and ALL of them knew it was horrible. So they figured they weren't going to piss her off.

"We are finally at the Ossa Trail," Kratos informed them all, but no one seemed to care.

"Yeah yeah yeah.." Kratos muttered to himself. "No one ever listens to stupid auburn hair Kratos..I WILL KILL YOU ALL IN YOUR SLEEP!"

"What was that!" Genis asked frightened. "What did you say!"

"Uhhmm...err.." Kratos stammered uneasily. "I will feed you all um, KRILL in your sleep. Hehehe.." _I really need to shut the hell up, _he thought, angry at himself.

"I like krill," Lloyd said thoughtfully, to no one in particular, mostly to himself. "But I like Taco Bell a lot more. It's really good. Blah blah-" He rambled for a few hours about Taco Bell, a topic near and dear to his heart, and then they moved on.

"Ugh.." they heard a female voice moan. "I hate being out in the sun."

"What!" Lloyd exclaimed and sprung into action. "What was that!"

"Oh. Hey you!" said Sheena as she came out of hiding. "Is the Chosen of Mana with you guys? I kinda want to get this over with, since I'm out in daylight." She pulled out her iPod and listened to My Chemical Romance.

"Chosen?" Lloyd asked suspiciously. "Oh yeah that's Col- hey is that a Mini?"

"Yeah," Sheena said, unemotionally and quiet as usual. "You like it?"

"Totally!" Lloyd exclaimed enthusiastically. "All I have is a Nano, because they quit selling Minis."

"Sucks," Sheena said. "Now back to my question- is the Chosen with you?"

"That's me," Colette replied, not really paying attention. "I don't sign autographs thought, but if you really really want-"

"Oh, well, then you're going to die," was Sheena's unemotional and quiet response. Dejavu. Okay, I'll stop using the same adjectives over and over again.

"Over and Over Again? I have that song on my iPod." Lloyd said. _He heard me talking? _"Yeah, I hear every word that you say. It's kind of depressing when you describe me as a dumbass."

_Listen to me Lloyd Irving. Zeldafan422, the mighty author, weaves the story. He is in complete control of you, and could kill you off anytime. I advise you do not listen to the voices anymore. _

Everyone was in absolute shock and there was silence. Until stupid, klutzy Colette tripped and fell on the switch, making Sheena fall into that hole.

"Yes," they heard her say down there. "Darkness..."

"Oh no!" Colette said. "She didn't die!"

"It's alright Colette," Lloyd responded sympathetically. "There's always next time."

"We should be moving on," Kratos informed them all. "White Hair, Chosen, Dumbass,Crazy,let's go!"

"You're as bad as the movies," Lloyd whined.

They walked up the Ossa Trail some more, fought some enemies, openeda few chests, yada yada yada. Okay. Once they saved (Lloyd was still a little reluctant about the whole shiny circle thing), they walked down the hill and a giant board fell down at their feet.

"AHH!" screamed Lloyd. "Oh, it's just you."

"Thanks guys," she said. "I was really in the mood for some darkness."

"Oh!" Raine said, figuring there was a way to get out of it. "You're welcome!"

"I'm still going to kill you, you know," Sheena informed them all to their dismay. She pulled off her outer black robes and suddenly got all hyper.

"HOLY CRAP!" Genis yelled in shock. "SHE WAS ONLY PRETENDING TO BE GOTH!"

"Time to die!" Sheena yelled, and summoned one of those weird spirits that her grandpa gave her. (The cool music came on as the battle began)

"I'm gonna get you!" Lloyd yelled and ran up to hack away with his swords. He got a few hits in, but then Sheena used Pyre Seal and he fell on his ass.

"HEY!" he screamed angrily. "NO FAIR!"

"Retard," Kratos said to him, as he casted Fireball at Sheena. Then he ran up and slashed at her several times, because as usual, Kratos was fighting the whole battle for them.

Genis was standing in the back with his kendama (there, I won't call it paddle ball anymore), and was using all of his little dinky, ineffective for now, magic spells.

Lloyd, was still sitting on his ass.

Colette was throwing her frisebees (These, I'm still not gonna call chakrams) at Sheena and was casting Ray Thrust and all of her other attack things.

Genis finished the ninja off with Aqua Edge, and said his screwed victory line, but nothing is really coming to me right now.

"Next time!" Sheena said with new found energy. "I WILL KILL YOU ALL!" She teleportted and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"Wow," Lloyd exclaimed. "What a damn basketcase. Let's get some Taco Bell."

"I still can't get over the fact that she was pretending to be Goth," said a very surprised Genis.

"I want to be her friend!" Colette said, and for a change wasn't mean.

"You are a dumbass just like Lloyd," Raine informed her. "She is an assassin, and she will try to kill you at all costs."

"Sounds really friendly!" Colette exclaimed in utter delight.

"Dot dot dot," Kratos said, to no one in particular.

**End Chapter Nine

* * *

**

_Next up is Chapter Ten: Izoold and Palmacoasta! Know what that means? Of course you don't, so that's why I'm telling you. Every ten chapters Lloyd will have a new favorite fast-food restaurant! I'm letting you, the readers, get to vote on it. Whatever restaurant gets the most votes will be Lloyd's obsession for the next ten chapters!_


	11. Chapter Ten: Return of the Chat Rooms

_Author's Note: Two chapters in one day, are you lucky or what? Alright, this may be a short chapter, but nevertheless it'sstill the second one in one day.Don't worry, I'm still posting Chapter Eleven tomorrow. And it will contain..._

_-Review Notes_

_-Lloyd's new fast food obsession_

_-Palmacoasta events_

_And it's coming TOMORROW!_

_

* * *

Me: Disclaimer time! _

_Remiel: Inferior human readers...the author owns nothing. The mighty angels of Cruxis shall-_

_Me: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's Chapter Ten._

_

* * *

_Me: Disclaimer time! 

**Chapter Ten: Return of the Chat Rooms**

Lloyd groaned. "That Ossa Trail was a huge pain in the neck. Now I'm all tired, and my ass is bruised."

"That's because you wouldn't get up after you fell down," Kratos told him impatiently.

"So?" said Lloyd. "I can do whatever I want."

"Just shut up Lloyd," Genis commanded him angrily. Pretty much everyone was fed up with Lloyd's complaining by now.

"NO!" Lloyd shouted at all of them, mostly Kratos. "I DON'T WANT TO!"

"You WILL, regardless of whether you want to or not," Raine informed him angrily, and beat him relentlessly with her wooden club until he blacked out. They all gave Raine high-fives, and then carried on, Kratos carrying Lloyd.

Once they finally got to the small fishing town of Izoold, they dropped off Lloyd at the inn, and went to see what they could do about finding a boat to Palmacoasta.

"Why dowehave to go to Palmacoasta?" Colette questioned stupidly. She had been told about a hundred times, but she kept forgetting.

"Sheesh Colette, are you stupid or something?" Genis asked superiorly. "The Seal of Wind is on the other side of the continent!"

"FINE!" she screamed at all of them. "I'M GOING BACK TO THE INN TO GET ON MY CHAT ROOMS!"

"Haha!" Raine laughed at her as he walked back toward the inn. "Everyone on there HATES you!"

Colette cried loudly and began to run back to the inn.

_It has been a rough couple of days for me. Of course no one else knows how hard it is to be famous._

Boy, she was asking for it. The response:

_Why the hell do you keep getting on our chat rooms Colette? It's beginning to get really really annoying. No one cares what happened to you. You're just always mean to us, so we're mean to you._

_NO ONE CARES!wt4i90io90jgf90_

She slammed on the keyboard in anger, and figured that no one would sympathize with her.

_Greetings Colette. It is I, your father Remiel._

_REMIEL? They have Internet at Cruxis?_

_Yes they do, my beloved daughter. What have you been up to?_

_Well we broke the Seal of Fire._

_Excellent. Now you shou-_

_And then we ran into thiscrazy ninja who-_

_Do you really think I care, Colette? I don't give a damnabout what happensto you or your stupid little friends. In fact, I'm not even your father! It wasjust that little dumbass who suggested the idea._

_What? I accidentally Xed out of the chat room. What wereyou saying, Father?_

_Oh, I was justsaying, goodluck with breaking theSeal of Wind. I have to gonow. Goodbye, mybitchy daughter._

_Lord Remiel has signed off._

"Oh, he's so nice!" Colette said to herself. "Although I'm going to have to ask someone what bitchy means."

Just then Lloyd woke up and murmured something about Taco Bell.

"Hi Lloyd!" Colette exclaimed happily, for she was in a good mood now. "What does bitchy mean?"

"Umm..." Lloyd stammered. "Why do you ask?"

"Remiel called me it," Colette replied.

"I don't think I should tell you," Lloyd said, afraid Colette would be really upset.

"Oh okay," Colette responded. "I guess it's just one of those undescribable compliemts."

"Umm.." Lloyd said. "Sure Colette, you think of it that way."

Just then Kratos, Raine, and Genis walked in.

"We have a ride to Palmacoasta," Raine informed them all nervously.

"Are you..scared Raine?" Genis inquired interested.

"NO NO OF COURSE NOT!" she shouted angrily. "YOU'RE ASKING FOR A BEATING GENIS!"

"Sheesh," Genis exclaimed. "I was just asking!"

"We should get moving," Kratos told them. "We're leaving now."

"Can we save first?" Genis asked slyly. "I want to see Lloyd scared."

Lloyd pulled out his swords and whacked Genis over the head with them.

"Shaddup Genis," he said angrily. "And KRATOS! Why are you always the one giving us orders?"

"Because I am the oldest," he said, "and I could kill you all in seconds flat."

Nobody else said a word after that. They just all silently walked outside to get to the boat. Once they were there, they saw Lyla being all angry.

"NO LYLA NO!" shouted a fat man. "Don't get mixed up with that Aifread. He's a jackass."

"SHUT IT!" Lyla shouted back. "Deliver the letter! NO WAIT! You weird people!" She was yelling at Lloyd & Co. "DELIVER MY LETTER!"

"Fine," Kratos said. "We're going over to Luin anyway."

"Fine," said the fat man. I can't remember his name..it was Max or something I think. "Come with me."

"Geez," Genis complained once they were on the boat. "This freaking boat is too small."

"WELL I'M SORRY IF MY BOAT IS TOO SMALL FOR YOU!"Max shouted at Genis, and pushed himinto the water.

"RAINE!" Genis panicked. "HELP ME!"

"Water..too scary.." Raine muttered under her breath. "Can't..help..stupid water...sorry.."

"I'LL SAVE YOU GENIS!" Lloyd screamed as he jumped into the water to rescue his best friend.

"Don't die Lloyd!" Kratos shouted as Lloyd was attempting to get him and Genis back into the boat.

He finally saved them both, and Genis was very, very angry at Max. Once they landed in Palmacoasta, Genis put a hole into the boat and sunk it.

"YOU LITTLE JERK!" Max screamed as they ran into the market.

"Hehehe.." Genis laughed maniacally. "Sweet revenge!"

**End Chapter Ten**

_R&R! And there's still time to vote for Lloyd's new fast food restuarant obsession!_


	12. Chapter Eleven: The Musical Chapter

_Author's Note: Review Notes! WOO HOO! And it's time for Lloyd's new fast food obsession. Find out after the Review Notes. Oh, and a correction. I accidently put "Disclaimer Time" twice at the beginning of the last chapter. Stupid me._

**Review Notes **

**Kirbykirby726: **_Yes, another chapter._

**Animesage:**_Yes, cheers indeed._

**LyallAurion: **_I'm glad you love this story. Considered marrying it?_

**Fallenangel9493: **_Well, you got your goth Sheena, even though it was brief and pretend._

**The Maiden of the Mist: **_Yeah, not gothic. By the way, Sheena won't be THAT out of character, but there has to be a little. Zelos won't be too OOC, just really exaggerated._

**Brandy Mallory: **_I am absolutely horrified and flabbergasted that your town does not have a Taco Bell. Lloyd's obsession for Taco Bell was totally based on mine. Oh, and don't we all feel like chicken nuggets sometimes? And I suppose your guest appearance will happen later on._

**Nife: **_Noes! The chappie word again!_

**No name: **_The Seal of Water...? Umm...LOOK OVER THERE! (Alright, I realize I have made a mistake. Seal of Water is coming up next. My apologies.)_

**Freakyanimegal456: **_Mmmmm...KFC._

_

* * *

_

**Me: **_Alright Lloyd. It's time for your new fast food obsession._

**Lloyd: **_Really! What is it! TELL ME RIGHT NOW!_

**Me: **_The votes have been tallied. And your new fast food obsession is...McDonalds._

**Lloyd: **_YES! MCDONALDS! WOO-HOO! I'M LOVING IT! THE AUTHOR OWNS NOTHING! ESPECIALLY TALES OFSYMPHONIA AND ALL OF THE SONGS HE USES IN HIS STORY! YIPEE! MCDONALDS! ALRIGHT!

* * *

_

**Chapter Eleven: The Musical Chapter**

"Wow," Lloyd commented. "This place is huge! And it's big!"

"Those two words mean the same thing, you dumbass," Genis shot back at him.

"SHUT IT SHORTY!" Lloyd shouted, because short insults were the only ones he could use on Genis.

Genis pulled out his kendama and nearly cast Stone Blast on him, until Kratos grabbed his kendama and shook his head at Genis. At first, he was surprised until Kratos gave him a look which said "Let me do the honors."

Kratos unsheathed his sword as fast as lightning and chopped Lloyd's left pinky off.

"OWW!" Lloyd screamed at the top of his lungs.

"First Aid!" Kratos exclaimed and Lloyd's pinky was healed.

Lloyd then pulled out his sword and broke out into song, "I JUST WANT TO BREAK YOU DOWN SO BADLY IN THE WOOORST WAY!" And then there was an echo of "worst way".

"Put that toy away," Kratos commanded him. "I have a feeling that Lloyd will keep breaking out into song during this chapter. Damn."

"Chapter?" Colette inquired. "What is a chapter?"

"Stupid child," Raine said angrily. "I feel like I should abuse you. And Dumbass took my song."

"WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP CALLING ME THAT!" Lloyd shouted in anger. "I am NOT a dumbass. I'm Lloyd. And...I DON'T WANT TO BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYIN' TO BE LATELY! ALL I CAN DO IS-"

"Shut up!" Kratos yelled. "We must stop it as much as we can."

"But," protested Lloyd. Stupid Lloyd. You should never start a sentence with 'but'. "I've got the music in me!"

"No you don't," Kratos informed him. "Would you the rest of your fingers chopped off one at a time?"

"No," Lloyd replied sadly. "BUT I WILL KEEP SINGING ANYWAY! Let me think of a song...got it! CITY'S BREAKIN' DOWN ON A CAMEL'S BACK. THEY JUST HAVE TO- OWW! OWW!"

Kratos had grabbed Lloyd's throat and lifted him up in the air, strangling him.

"IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE, CAUSE IT'S GETTIN' HARDER AND HARDER TO BREATHE!" Lloyd screamed for his final song for a while.

"Is there no way to shut him up?" Raine asked desperately.

"Ha!" Genis exclaimed triumphantly. "I've got it! Look, Lloyd! MCDONALDS!"

"McDonalds?" Lloyd replied, and kicked Kratos in the stomach. "MCDONALDS!" He ran inside and began to order.

"Well THAT should work for a while," Raine commented happily. "You are exempt from beatings for a week."

"You BEAT him?" Kratosasked.

"What is a beating?" Colette asked happily as she skipped along, oblivious to her surroundings. Of course, being the sort of lovable klutz she is, she ran into a stranger and a glass bottle fell and smashed.

"NICE WORK BITCH!" yelled one of the guys in the group.

* * *

Inside McDonalds... 

"California..rest in peace," Lloyd sang to himself while he was waiting to order.

"Shut up!" commanded the fat guy in front of him. "Can't you see I'm trying to order?"

"SIMULTANEOUS RELEASE!" Lloyd sang angrily. "CALIFORNIA SHOW YOUR TEETH! SHE'S MY-"

"Shut up stupid kid," the fat guy said and continued in his attempt to order.

"-PRIESTESS, I'M YOUR PRIEST! YEAH! YEAH!"

"Hey kid," said the guy at the register angrily. "Shut the hell up or you will not be able to order."

"I hate you all," Lloyd informed them, "and if it weren't for the excellent food you have here I would be OUT OF HERE IN A HEARTBEAT!"

"That's wonderful," said the register dude. "Now order!"

* * *

After Lloyd ordered he walked out of McDonalds. He saw Colette fall down and walked over to see what was going on. 

"NICE WORK BITCH!" yelled one of the guys in the group.

"HEY!" Lloyd said while holding his fries and a shake. "DON'T YOU TALK TO MY GIRLFRIEND LIKE THAT!"

"Girlfriend?" Kratos, Raine, and Genis all said in unison.

"Yay!" Colette exclaimed, still face down on the ground.

"Oh?" said the guy with a similar hairstyle as Lloyd's. "You wanna make something of it now?"

"LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO MY PALMA POTION!" the girl shrieked.

"Oh look what you've done, you've made a-" Lloyd began to sing until Kratos kicked him in the gut.

"Look you sleezes," Professor Raine said as she pulled out her wooden club. "YOU should have known that Colette was a stupid klutz."

"How could we have known that?" asked the fat one.

"Professor, please!" Colette pleaded dumbly. "We'll just buy a replacement one!"

"Grumble grumble grumble," Raine grumbled as she put her club away.

The group trudged off over to "The Item Shop, Marbles!"

"There's no way we could sell you Nacho Gels that low!" Chocolat yelled to the Desians. "Plus you guys smell! Bad."

"SHUT IT! I took a shower two weeks ago! Now I shall-"

"It's okay," said Desian #2. "We've already got everything we need. Just remember little girl, we will not forget this. Magnius is much less merciful than I."

"Wow," said Cocao. "That was pretty much the only line in this whole story that fits with the actual game."

What? Whoops, I didn't mean to. Oh well, it's already there. Screw it.

"Story? What the hell you talkin' bout?" said Desian 2. "We'll be back tomorrow, and watch your back."

"OHHH BUSTED!" Lloyd said as he walked in. "Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?"

"SHUT UP!" they all screamed at Lloyd.

"We'll have one Palma Potion," said Genis as he put the money on the counter.

"Here you go," she said, and handed it to them.

"Oh," Lloyd began. "If you die, can I invite a magician to your funeral? He does tricks!"

"GET OUT OF MY SHOP!" Cocao screamed at them.

Lloyd, Lloyd, Lloyd. What are we going to do with you?

**End Chapter Eleven**

_R&R! Oh, and props to whoever can name some of the songs._


	13. Chapter Twelve: Paperweights and a Job

_Author's Note: Alright this chapter is a little strange, but the rest of them have been strange too, so yeah. I'm going to spend a lot of time in Palmacoasta for the story. Why? Simply because I like Palmacoasta and because it gets destroyed later in the game by that stupid tree. Oh, and the songs that were in the last chapter (in order)were:_

_MakeDamnSure - Taking Back Sunday_

_I Don't Wanna Be - Gavin DeGraw_

_Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz_

_Harder To Breathe - Maroon 5_

_Dani California - Red Hot Chili Peppers_

_Look What You've Done - Jet_

_Bad Boys_

_There will be more songs in this chapter, but not as many.Try to find them all! But now disclaimer time!

* * *

_

Lloyd: Alright it's time for Lloyd and Genis's CRANK CALLS.

Dorr: (hears the phone ring) Hello? Who's there?

Lloyd: Sir your wife is dead.

Dorr: NOOO! NOO! OMG! THE AUTHOR OWNS NOTHING! NOOO! NOOO!

* * *

**Chapter Twelve:Paperweights and a Waitress Job**

"Guys!" Lloyd piped up after they walked out of Cacao's shop. "You've got to come with me to McDonalds! It's awesome! It's incredible! It's greasy!"

"Shut the hell up," Kratos said, and kicked Lloyd in the gut, and he fell to the ground. "Don't die Lloyd."

"Why do you always say that?" Genis asked. "It's really, really annoying."

"You're annoying you little brat," Kratos informed him.

"Errrr..." Genis growled and began to bark at Kratos.

"What the..?" Raine exclaimed. "MY BROTHER IS A DOG!"

"No I'm not," Genis said. "Honestly Raine, you're such a clueless bitch!"

"Guys guys!" Lloyd shouted. "Let's all calm down over some McDonalds."

"Fine," Kratos agreed. "For once, the kid with the terrible hairstyle speaks nonsense."

"Yes! Let's go to McDonalds!" Colette piped up happily. "Then I can bring my laptop and get on my chat rooms!"

"NO!" Raine screamed angrily. "You CANNOT! The last time I talked to you on there you were being a BITCH!" She yanked the laptop out of Colette's hands and smashed it on the head of an innocent pedestrian.

"GEEZ!" he yelled in pain. "PEOPLE THESE DAYS!" He ran away crying.

"She did that..." Lloyd began, and everyone knew a song was coming on, "Cause she's the girl all the bad guys want!"

"STOP SINGING!" Raine screamed at him and put him into a head lock.

"Oh mama-mia, mama-mia! Let me go! Woaaohhh!" Lloyd sang.

"Will he ever stop?" Kratos wondered, and shook his head sadly.

* * *

"Um yeah..." Genis stuttered. He had never ordered. "I guess I have a Chicken McNuggets Happy Meal." Everyone snickered softly behind him. His face turned purple and he got really mad. He stomped away after paying. 

"Next," said the guy at the register.

"ME ME ME!" Lloyd screamed in delight and ran up.

"Oh no, not you again," moaned the register guy.

"Yeah, I must be your guys' best customer!" he exclaimed in delight, and then pondered on what to order. "I'll have a Big Mac, a large fries, and chocolate milkshake."

He picked up his food and looked for a place to sit down.

"Holy crap!" exclaimed a girl named Brandy Mallory. "It's Lloyd!" She was eating chicken nuggets, but suddenly got up to slap Lloyd.

"Ow!" Lloyd screamed in pain. "What was that for?"

"Your hairstyle," she replied, "just like Kratos always says."

"Did somebody say my name?" Kratos inquired, and walked over.

Brandy Mallory squealed in delight. "It's KRATOS!" She ran over and stood next to him and began drooling.

"SHE LOVES YOU YEAH YEAH YEAH!" Lloyd sang loudly to Kratos.

"You know my name!" Kratos said, annoying Lloyd's singing. "Have you been spying on me? How do you know my name?"

"By playing Tales of Symphonia," she managed to say in between her drooling. "You know, the video game."

"I must find this video game, and DESTROY IT!" Kratos muttered to himself. Brandy Mallory then walked out, happy to have met Kratos.

"Next!" said the register guy.

"Umm.." Raine stammered. "I guess I'll have a salad. I'm watching my weight."

"Raine's getting fa-at! Raine's getting fa-at!" Lloyd said in a sing-song voice.

"Remind me you rip your liver out later," Professor Raine threatened, which made Lloyd squeal in fear.

Next it was Kratos's turn to order. "Yeah, I'll have a Big Mac, a large fries, and a chocolate milkshake."

"Hey!" Lloyd exclaimed. "You copied my order!"

"YOUR order?" Kratos replied. "I've been ordering this for 4,000 years!"

"What?" Lloyd said, really confused. "That's stupid, no one can be 4,000 years old. Why did I order the same thing as you? This is really weird."

"Because you stupid dumbass," Kratos began to inform him. "You're my so- er, you're some annoying COPYING DUMBASS!"

"I thought you were nice!" Lloyd screamed and ran away crying.

_I finally got to Palmacoasta, _Colette typed. _It is really nice here. I bet all of you are jealous._

_How can we be jealous Colette? We have friends, unlike you. Everyone hates you._

_What? You jerks! I have friends! In fact, I have a boyfriend! His name is Lloyd Irving and-_

_Ha! That kid is one dumbass. I heard he got kicked out of Iselia. What a loser._

_I HATE YOU SO MUCH! IN FACT I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND PERSONALLY RIP YOUR LIVER OUT JUST LIKE PROFESSOR RAINE TAUGHT ME!_

_The Bitchy Chosen has signed off._

How did Colette get her laptop back? There's a hole in the plot...sue me.

"Lloydy-woydy," Colette called, looking for Lloyd.

"Lloydy-WOYDY!" Kratos screamed in disbelief. "Uh-uh, there is no WAY I am having my son date a bi-"

"Sir, here's your food," interuppted the register guy. "Have a nice day. Actually, I don't give a damn about what your day is like, I'm paid to say that."

"Yeah, yeah," Kratos said. "And just for saying that, if I ever see you again, I shall slit your throat."

The register guy gulped. "They don't pay me enough."

"Yeah they do!" Kratos argued angrily. "All you do is push buttons on a stupid cash register! I'm filing a complaint to the manager right now and then-"

"Kratos!" Raine called. "We're leaving!"

"Believe me," Kratos began threateningly. "Next time I'm here-" He made a slicing movement across his throat and walked out.

"Wow," Genis said. "Kratos got into a fight with the guy who works at McDonalds. That's sad."

He looked over to his left to see that Lloyd and Colette were making out. Genis ran over to the nearest trash can and barfed about half of his internal organs up.

"Ewww," said Raine. "Genis, you know that gives you a 99 percent chance of dying before age twenty-one."

"Thanks Raine," Genis said angrily. "That really brightened my day."

Kratos laughed evilly, he loved to see pain and sorrow. What a guy.

After leaving McDonalds, they walked over to see a very large building. They talked to one of the citizens, and learned that that was where Governor-General Dorr and Neil worked.

They walked inside and Raine began to talk with them.

"Hello, we were just wondering if you had this one book we were looking for," Raine told them.

"Oh sorry," Dorr replied. "We already gave it to the fake Chosen group."

"And it's GONE," Lloyd began singing. "Gone going, gone everything gone give a-"

"The FAKE Chosen group!" she exclaimed angrily, interuppting Lloyd. "We're the REAL Chosen group! Why did you give it to THEM!"

"Because," Dorr began happily, "they gave me this very nice paperweight."

"Do you know where they went?" Kratos inquired.

"Yeah," Neil responded, while Dorr stared at his paperweight. "I believe they were headed for Hakonesia Peak."

"Alright," said Lloyd, finally not singing. "We'll go there."

"Oh and if you see any nice paperweights there, make sure and bring them back to me," Dorr told them, still absorbed in the gift he recieved from the fake Chosen group.

They walked out of the building, and headed over for the school. Colette spotted a cafeteria and ran inside.

"Hey, pretty lady!" the owner called to Colette.

"HEY PAL!" Lloyd screamed. "YOU BETTER NOT BE HITTING ON HER!"

The owner ignored Lloyd. "Would you like to work as a waitress?"

"I'D LOVE TO!" Lloyd exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Not YOU," the owner shot back. "The young lady."

"Sure!" Colette replied happily.

"Why do you want a job?" Genis asked her.

"Because," Colette said, "when Lloyd and I are married we are going to need money for a house."

"MARRIED!" Kratos exclaimed as he spit out whatever he was drinking. "Believe me, I will make it my life's work to see that it never happens."

* * *

Colette walked over and took her first order from a student.

"Umm.." the student thought. "I'll start out with some tofu."

"Got it," Colette responded, as she walked back to the cook.

"A bunch of fried fish wrapped in smelly yellow gym socks," she told him.

"Alright," he said, and made the food. "ORDER UP!"

She ran over and set the food down in front of the student.

"What the hell!" he yelled. "This is not ANYTHING at all what I ordered. I ordered some tofu."

"Sorry, won't happen again," she replied, and ran back over to the cook.

"Five orders of stale dog buiscuits, covered in A1 Sauce," she told him.

"You got it," the cook responded, and made it. "Here it is."

Colette went back over again and set the food down.

"DAMMIT I WANT SOME TOFU! YOU'RE THE WORST WAITRESS EVER!" he screamed, loud enough for everyone to hear him, including the owner.

"YOU'RE FIRED!" the owner screamed.

"HEY SHUT IT DONALD TRUMP!" Lloyd shot back, eager to defend his girlfriend.

* * *

"Well, that didn't go so well," Raine commented dryly.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Lloyd sang loudly. "Don't wanna hear it."

"YOU SHUT UP!" everyone shouted at him, except for Colette.

Poor, poor Lloyd.

**End Chapter Twelve**

**

* * *

**

_Remember to try guessing the songs! Chapter Thirteen: A Nerdathon and Attack of the Weird Guy with Red Hair is coming tomorrow!_


	14. Chapter Thirteen: Red Nosed Reindeer

_Author's Note: I'm sorry! I really am. I said I would update daily and then stupid AT&T..and the Internet being out for two days...okay. While the Internet was out, I had a chance to start a new game in Tales of Symphonia to get a feel for what is happening next. I think I'm going to take the path where Dorr dies before the human ranch.. Alright, I've got a lot to cover before the beginning of the chapter..Review Notes, Song Identification, and then the topic of guest appearances._

_Oh, and I changed the chapter title from what I said at the end of the last chapter. Sorry, it's because I dragged out the Nerdathon a little too much, and decided that was enough for this chapter. I promise that Magnius will appear in the next chapter._

_

* * *

_

**Review Notes**

**Sheena the Summoner: **Yeah,Taco Gels are incredible. And I'm glad you enjoyed the random game.

**Kirbykirby726: **Wow, you guessed nearly all the songs.

**Vash DeStampede: **That's right: if you can't remember anything else remember Dani California.

**Brandy Mallory: **Glad you enjoyed your guest appearance.

**Nife: **Okay, I'll write the more.

**Fallenangel9493: **I'm going to try U Can't Touch This. :)

**Animesage: **Raine fanboy? Okay...

**Cyberchao X: **No Taco Bell again? What is this world coming to?

**Freakyanimegal456: **I like all too.

**131Kratos: **Chapter Zero, of course! Ha, I am a genius.

**The Maiden of the Mist: **Yeah, it is really annoying. But if you're on another playthrough and you've saved your gald over from your previous game, it's really not a big deal at all. And I try to update fast.

**Nakoya: **He really is an idiot, isn't he?

Umm..I think that's all the current reviewers, please let me know if I left you out.

* * *

_Songs in Chapter Twelve_

_Girl All The Bad Guys Want - Bowling For Soup_

_Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen_

_She Loves You - The Beatles_

_Gone Going - Black Eyed Peas_

_Shut Up - Simple Plan_

_And remember, I'm open for any song suggestions you might have for future chapters.

* * *

_

Guest Appearances..okay. You can request to be in an upcoming chapter, but you have to tell me what you want to do. Freakyanimegal456 will be in this chapter. The Maiden of the Mist is in the next chapter if she lets me know what she wants. The schedule will look something like this:

Chapter 13: Freakyanimegal456

Chapter 14: The Maiden of the Mist

Simple, huh?

* * *

I've wasted too much space already so I'm going to do the disclaimer myself. I don't own Tales of Symphonia or any of the songs, or anything else.

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer**

"Hey Genis," Lloyd popped up while eating a double cheeseburger. "Aisn't des da schkol aht schou wuar going to go to?"

"What the hell?" Genis yelled.

"Watch your language, Genis," Professor Raine threatened. "You've almost earned extra beatings."

Lloyd swallowed the last bite. "Isn't this the school that you were going to go to?"

"Yeah," Genis said very loudly.

"Ha!" said Mighty as he walked down the stairs. What a stupid name. "No way! You're just a little runt!"

"You're just some geek with a big hat!" Lloyd shot back, looking very smug. "Genis knows the alphabet. What now?"

"What kind of low level example is that?" Genis screamed at Lloyd.

"It's way out of Lloyd's level," Raine explained and fought back laughter. "It's because he didn't have parents to teach him."

Kratos shifted uncomfortably.

"Hey Kratos!" Colette said. "Why are you all uneasy and stuff? Do you have something to do with Lloyd's crappy education?"

"Yeah Kratos," Genis added. "You're looking all guilty and stuff. Do you have something to hide..?"

Just then a girl by the name of Freakyanimegal456 ran into the school. She glanced left and right until she spotted Kratos and Lloyd. She immediately ran up and smooched both of them on the cheek, covering for Kratos.

"I love you bye!" she said really fast and disappeared in a cloud of smoke like Sheena.

"Don't question it Kratos," he thought to himself.

"Well, let's have a little test," Mighty said. "Meet me up in an empty classroom!"

"Well this is not exactly a perfect situation," Raine commented.

"In a perfect situation, I let love down the drain. Here's the pitch slow and straight, all I have to do-"

"SHUT UP LLOYD!" Genis screamed. Kratos wasn't really talking at all, he was trying to attract no attention at all.

"I suppose we should try to study, Genis," Raine said. "Because if you lose, you earn extra beatings for a month."

They all walked upstairs into an empty classroom with laptop computers. Lloyd immediately ran up and got on and started playing games.

"LLOYD YOU DUMBASS!" Raine screamed angrily. "Oh, fine. I'll work with Genis while you all surf the web.

Colette got on and started doing umm...Neopets stuff. Kratos rolled his eyes and began looking up Cam Clarke.

"What the..?" he stammered uneasily. "I voiced a lion..and a fish? ...HE-MAN! I WAS HE-MAN! NO WAY! And I voiced...SIMBA IN KINGDOM HEARTS II AND WAS HIS SINGING VOICE IN THE SECOND MOVIE? WHAT THE HECK!"

Sora ran in and stared at Kratos. "Donald! Goofy! It's Simba in his human form!" He ran out the door and started randomly attacking stuff with his Keyblade.

"HAHA!" Lloyd began to laugh really hard at the mercenary. "Sing 'The Circle of Life' for me! HAHAHAHA!"

Kratos ran up and shoved Lloyd down on his ass.

"I get knocked down, but I get up again! You're never gonna keep me down!" Lloyd sang as he stood back up.

"Grr.." Kratos growled and threw a fist at Lloyd, but Lloyd ducked under it.

"You can't touch this!" Lloyd sang.

"KILL HIM!" Raine shouted, and Colette and Genis ran over. They tied him up and gagged him.

"I'm not getting enough study time!" Genis whined.

"It's time for the test!" Raine said. "Let's go!"

* * *

"Aaaaand the results!" the teacher began. "Are as follows: Lloyd Irving, with 25. Wow, what a dumbass, that's the worst recorded score in the 120 year history of this academy." 

"Woo-hoo!" Lloyd cheered. "I hold a record!"

"Colette Brunel with 210," the teacher continued. "Kratos Aurion with 380. Professor Raine Sage with 399."

"What a nerdy BITCH," Colette exclaimed, which shocked everyone and earned a death glare from Raine.

"And the final two," the teacher said dramatically. "Mighty with 398. Hehe, Mighty. What kind of parent names a kid Mighty? And Genis Sage with 399!"

"399?" Genis asked. "What question did Raine and I miss?"

"Let's see," the teacher answered and scanned the tests. "Question Number 223: What is Dwarven Vow #7?"

"Ha!" Lloyd laughed. "I got that one right! Justice and love will always win! HA!"

"Yeah..congratulations," the teacher responded. "Just work on the alphabet, alright, kid? I gotta go to lunch."

"Good job brat," Mighty said. "I'm going to go andhire a lawyer tolegally change my name. Bye!"

"Off to Hakonesia Peak!" Lloyd exclaimed.

They walked through the field and crossed the bridge. They walked some more and finally reached the destination.

"Hello?" Colette greeted as they walked into the door. "We were wondering if you had a book- HOLY CRAP! YOUR NOSE IS ABSOLUTELY RED! OH MY GOSH. YOU HAVE A RED NOSE. OH MY GOSH."

"Let me handle this," Raine said. "We were wondering if you had the Book of Regeneration in your possession."

"Yeah," said the old red-nosed man. "But I'm not going to show it to a bunch of losers."

"Look Rudolph," Genis began angrily. "Colette is the Cho-"

Right as Raine shoved Genis in the chest, Lloyd sang, "BOOM!" Genis fell to the ground. "Here comes the BOOM! Ready or not-"

"Lloyd," Kratos began and instantly silenced everyone. "I swear to Martel I shall slice your head off if you sing one more time in this chapter."

Lloyd gulped and felt his throat.

"You people sure are weird," the man commented.

"Look, don't you have a sleigh to lead? Give us the book," Raine commanded.

"Only if you bring me the Spiritua Statue," he said.

"Fine," Colette agreed. "We'll go get it. It's in the House of Salvation, right?"

"Indeed," the man replied. "Now get out of here before I call the cops."

They opened the door and walked out. They were about to leave before the man broke out into song.

"I chimed in, haven't you people ever heard of closing the-"

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!" Kratos screamed angrily, and slammed the door shut. "Lloyd, you've given your singing disease to people."

"Hehe," Lloyd laughed. "Yay!"

"Hey!" a resident of Palmacoasta called to them. "Did I see you back in Palmacoasta?"

"Probably," Genis responded, "We were there about an hour ago."

"Well, you should stay here for a while," they said. "Magnius and the Desians are up to something in Palmacoasta. He's ugly as hell and needs a haircut."

"Thanks for the information," Raine replied. "What should we do?"

Lloyd got a little overconfident and cocky. "Let's go kick some Desian ass!"

**End Chapter Thirteen**

_Why is Lloyd still breaking out into song? Why hasn't Colette gotten her wings yet? When will Yuan appear again? Find out in the upcoming chapters of Tales of Screwedonia!_

_Review! And don't forget to guess the songs and request for a guest appearance if you want to be in the story!_


	15. Chapter Fourteen: Ugly Red Hair

_Author's Note: Chapter Fourteen! Woo-hoo! Okay, done talking, time for song stuff, guest appearances, and the disclaimer! Oh, and I've gotten all the pre-chapter stuff all organized and neat! __A little TOO neat..._

_

* * *

_

**Songs in Chapter Thirteen**

Perfect Situation - Weezer

Tubthumping - Chumbawamba

U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer

Boom - P.O.D.

I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! At The Disco

_

* * *

_

**Guest Appearance Schedule**

Chapter Fourteen: The Maiden of the Mist

Chapter Fifteen: LyallAurion

Chapter Sixteen: RoyalFanatic

Chapter Seventeen: Animesage

Chapter Eighteen: GenisAddict

* * *

**Disclaimer**

Magnius: I shall kill the Chosen!

Me: Please do.

Magnius: The author owns nothing! Mwahahahaha..

Me: (sighs) Here's the new chapter.

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Ugly Red Hair**

Lloyd and everyone else left Hakonesia Peak and moved as fast as they could towards Palmacoasta. After a while, they reached the House of Salvation, and decided to take a rest inside.

They walked in, and saw Sheena with her back to them, praying.

"Woah!" Lloyd exclaimed. "I found you, Ms. New Booty, get it togeth-"

"What?" Sheena let out in surprise and turned around. "AHH! It's you!"

"Hi!" Colette greeted happily. "Let's be friends."

"Fine, we can be friends," Sheena began. "After I kill you."

"You were praying," Colette said happily. "Praying good."

"I was praying to kill you," Sheena informed her dryly, and Colette frowned. "I'll get you next time!" She disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"I wish I could do that," Genis said with a misty look in his eye.

Raine smacked Genis over the head. "Shut up Genis. You just earned extra beatings for a month."

"But what did I do?" Genis asked in despair.

"Everything," she told him. With that, they headed out of the House of Salvation and continued to Palmacoasta.

Once they were there, they talked to one of the citizens.

"Cacao's in trouble! Please help her!" he begged. At that, Kratos began to laugh evilly. He didn't care much for Cacao.

"Let's go!" Lloyd shouted to no one in particular. "We may go down..but.."

"Oh no," Kratos groaned.

"SUGAR WE'RE GOING DOWN SWINGING!" Lloyd sang annoyingly. "I'LL BE YOUR NUMBER ONE-"

"How did he ever get like this?" Kratos muttered to himself. "I'm the worst parent ever."

Raine, for the second time that day, smacked someone over the head.

"Oww!" Lloyd yelped in pain. "Let's just go stop Magnius."

They ran in front of the government building to see that they were dangling Cacao over a large bowl of boiling hot nacho cheese.

"Uh-oh," Kratos said, partly to himself. "This brings back awful memories from high school."

"Vermin!" Magnius screamed loudly to the people of Palmacoasta. "You have brought this on yourselves because you are vermin! And since this particular vermin wouldn't give us supplies, we will boil her body in a giant bowl of nacho cheese, because she is vermin!"

"Shut the HELL up with the vermin!" Lloyd screamed and did a Demon Fang.

"You..damn vermin!" Magnius yelled in pain. Colette pulled out her chakrams and threw it at Cacao's rope.

"No!" Kratos shouted at the idiot Chosen. "You idiot!"

The rope cut and Cacao fell into the bowl of boiling hot nacho cheese.

"Icicle!" Genis shouted and cooled down the nacho cheese so Cacao wouldn't burn. "Geez, Colette you're almost as much of a dumbass as Lloyd."

"Maybe they do make a good couple after all," Kratos muttered again to himself.

"Trust me," Raine replied. Kratos was surprised she had heard him. "Lloyd + Colette world peril."

"Of course," Kratos agreed, slightly ticked that Raine was listening in on everything that he was saying. "Colette and Lloyd ARE stupid."

"And they're vermin!" Magnius shouted. "Desians! Get the vermin!"

That one guy started doing his little dance and sent a lot of fireballs at Colette. Genis ran up and deflected them so they flew over at Lloyd.

"GENIS!" Lloyd screamed angrily as he ducked. "YOU BASTARD!"

"Damned little," Magnius moaned in his weird way. "Enough of this crap! Get them!"

Of course, there was a battle and everything. But Kratos used his superior powers to easily defeat the Desians, while making it look hard. Magnius groaned and disappeared.

"Thank you," Chocolat said gratefully. "You guys are still retards though, believing in Martel. She doesn't exist, or she's dead. It's one of those two."

"Not according to Mithos," Kratos mumbled again.

"Well, that auburn haired guy is being all weird talking to himself," Chocolat spoke up. "I'm outta here."

Cacao stepped out of the bowl and began licking herself off.

"Bleh," Lloyd said, disgusted. "I'm going to go get a Big Mac."

"You better come right back," Kratos called to him as he was running off. "We're leaving in fifteen minutes!"

Lloyd was walking to McDonalds and did not realize how lonely and long the walk was.

"Ha!" Lloyd laughed maniacally to himself. "No one's around, so I can sing all I want. I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, but it's only me and I walk alone. I walk this empty street on the- HOORAY I'M THERE!"

He began to jump up and down like his favorite team had just one the Super Bowl, and did a little victory dance. After that, he walked in to see that it was the same register guy again.

"Ohh..great," groaned register guy. "My favorite customer. Here's your Big Mac."

"Wow, that was super quick!" Lloyd said happily.

"Yeah," Register guy began. "We always have one ready in case you come." Lloyd did not realize that was insult, and smiled stupidly at the guy.

Just then, The Maiden of the Mist ran in and looked around, scanning for someone she was looking for.

"Hey Lloyd!" she piped up as she walked over to him. "Is Zelos in here?"

"Wha- who?" Lloyd asked idiotically. "Who's Zelos?"

"Tall guy, long red hair," she informed him, and waited impatiently for an answer.

Lloyd peered around, but couldn't see anyone that matched that description. "I looked around, and I couldn't see him. BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THE STARS-"

"Shut it," she commanded, and ran out of McDonalds, eager to find Tethealla's chosen.

"Everyone hates my singing," he complained in a whiny voice, and finished his Big Mac. Then he walked back to see Kratos and everyone else waiting for him.

"We're going Lloyd," he said, and they left Palmacoasta.

**End Chapter Fourteen**

_Really short chapter, sorry. I didn't realize when I planned out all my chapters that the Desian scene at Palmacoasta would have been longer, and I already have the next chapter planned out._

_Review, guess the songs, request a guest appearance if you're into that sort of thing. o.O_


	16. Chapter Fifteen: Deep Purple

_Author's Note: Sorry..daily updates are a harddeadline to fulfill. I think I'm going to update everyother day from now on.This chapter is gonna be longer than the last one for sure. Instead of going straight to the Palmacoasta ranch, I'm going to have them go back and, as Lloyd would say it, "put the squeeze" on Dorr. Songs, review notes, and then guest appearances._

* * *

**Songs in Chapter Fourteen**

Ms. New Booty - Bubba Sparxxx, Mr. Collipark, Ying Yang Twins

Sugar We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy

Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

Stars - Switchfoot

* * *

Lots of nice people reviewed! Talk to them, Lloyd. 

Lloyd: Okay. (Remember, this is Lloyd talking, not me)

**RoyalFanatic: **I want ice cream cake too. Regal, I can't believe you think I'm stupid. No one likes my singing? Um..uh..uhm...(sobs)..BRANDY MALLORY LIKES MY SINGING! AT LEAST I HOPE.

**Animesage: **ZOMG! Kiss the Professor? Well, okay...

**LyallAurion: **Oohh..I'm going to make the author make you obsess over me. Hahahaha. And of course it's an awesome story, I'M in it.

**The Maiden of the Mist: **Uh..Zelly-poo? Why can't I be called Lloydy-poo? (Okay..lil creepy) Magnius does look a little like one of Genis's Raggedy Ann dolls.

Genis: Hey shut up Lloyd.

Hehe...

**GenisAddict: **That Professor is a woman to be feared, no doubt. She beats me too. But not as much as Genis.

**Nakoya: **A lost cause? What is the author telling you about me? Oh, and I sing Panic! At The Disco at the top of my lungs when Kratos isn't around. Hehe..

**Brandy Mallory: **It's my favorite song too! Woo-hoo! Kratos says the song is okay, but he always attacks me whenever I sing it. Do you suppose that means something? (Such an idiot..XD)

**Demonic Muffin: **Yeah, this one time my muffin like opened his mouth and started quoting Shakespeare. Weird, no? And the story is only random, cause I'm in it. I make this story look so much better. (Shut it, Lloyd >.>)

**Freakyanimegal: **You know what would be cool? If I was in KH2. Me and Sora would go on kick ass adventures in Syvalrant..that'd be amazing. (First time I beat KH2..I beat it without doing the Pride Lands...yeah, I'm stupid..)

**JafarpronouncedJayfer: **I love Taco Bell, and I don't want to hear about the experience. >.>

**kalilamae: **What da..? Are you planning my downfall or something? I'm keeping my eye on you..DON'T LET HIM IN THE STORY!

Okay, Lloyd, you're done. (carries Lloyd away screaming in a straitjacket) Reviewers - you guys are freaking amazing. 100+ reviews and not a single flame. Keep it up!

* * *

**Guest Apperance Schedule**

Chapter Fifteen: LyallAurion

Chapter Sixteen: RoyalFanatic

Chapter Seventeen: Animesage

Chapter Eighteen: GenisAddict

Chapter Nineteen: Demonic Muffin

Chapter Twenty: Kalilame

* * *

Lloyd: Am I allowed to sing for the rest of the chapters? 

Me: Something will happen..and you will never sing again!

Lloyd: NOO! THE HORROR! The author owns nothing.

Me: And everyone who hasn't played KH2, bear with me with the appearances of Sora and co, please?

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen: Deep Purple**

Kratos led the group to the House of Salvation.

"Why did you bring us here?" Lloyd asked, thinking Kratos was really stupid or something.

"Are you really stupid or something?" Colette piped up. "Palmacoasta just got attacked and you take us HERE!"

"Three..two..one," Kratos counted, and one of the Palmacoasta militia ran over to them. "Ha."

"Chosen! Chocolat has been kidnapped!" the guard exclaimed. "Go save her or something."

"OH EM GEE!" Genis shouted and began panicking.

Lloyd began thinking: She was nice to us so we have to save her.

"Guys," Raine started. "She was nice to us so we have to save her."

"WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP VOICING MY THOUGHTS!" Lloyd yelled. "IS EVERYBODY GOIN' CRAZY!"

Kratos ignored Lloyd's singing. "No time for that, look behind you!"

Kvar? No. LyallAurion was hiding in the bushes obsessing over Kratos.

"WHAT?" Lloyd shouted incredulously. Alright, big word, I'm doing good. "You're supposed to be obsessing OVER ME!"

Sorry, Lloyd, the author says it is a Kratos obsession, and you cannot change it.

"STUPID VOICES AGAIN!"Lloyd screamed. "Fine obsess over Kratos!"

"Okay," LyallAurion replied, and continued to obsess over Kratos.

"I get fangirls way too often," Kratos muttered. "But this time it's okay, because I'm not with the guys from Cruxis."

Little did he know that Yuan was hiding behind the House of Salvation watching Kratos talk with LyallAurion. He had a video camera and was recording all of this for his Seraphim Time Capsule.

"Damn you Yuan!" Kratos cursed, and the blue haired seraph teleported.

"...what's going on?" Raine and Genis asked simultaneously.

"Never mind," Kratos insisted. "Let's go to the Palmacoasta Ranch."

"And save Chocolat!" Colette chimed in.

"Who cares about Chocolat?" Lloyd pulled out his swords and swiped at imaginary enemies. "I just wanna kick some ass!"

"Stoopid Lloyd," Genis shook his head back and forth.

Just then Sora, Donald and Goofy came running in. Mickey Mouse was right behind them in his black gangsta cloak.

"Hey!" Sora called. "Simba! What are you doing in this world? We need your help to stop Organization XII! Turn back into your lion form!"

"Shit!" Kratos swore again. "Everyone, follow me!" They ran away from the House of Salvation, leaving Sora and co. very confused.

"Curses!" Mickey yelled. "They'll pay for this."

"Gawrsh,"Goofy said his trademark. "Do you suppose that that wasn't really Simba?"

"Goofy are you stupid or something?"Donaldshouted."It has to be."

"We'll get them," Sora promised them. "Even if we have to fight them."

* * *

"The Second Ranch" appeared in the bottom left corner of the screen once they got to the ranch,and Lloyd pressed Z. 

"AHH!" Lloyd shouted in terror. "What are these boxes that imprison us?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Genis screamed back and panicked. He beat his fists against the squares that surrounded them. Lloyd, in desperation, pressed the start button and they got out.

"I thought we were never gonna get out of there," Genis panted.

"Who were those people?" Raine asked Kratos, ignoring Genis and Lloyd."Could it have been more assassins after us?"

"No," Kratos sighed. "I know them. They are from a different world."

"Y'mean like Tetheal-" Raine and Kratos both simultaneously smacked Genis over the head.

"Guys, now that we're at the ranch, we should go kick some ass," Lloyd said for the umpteenth time.

"And save Chocolat!" Colette threw in.

"Guys!" Neil hissed. "Over here!"

"What is it?" Genis inquired curiously.

"That faggot of a Governor-General, Dorr, is working with the Desians!" Neil informed them angrily.

"But why?" Raine asked. "I know he's an idiot, but it's not like him."

"They promised to give him a year's supply of paperweights if he pays them a certain amount of Gald," Neil responded sadly. "The Desians are waiting for you to try to go in the ranch."

"I say we should go and take care of Dorr," Kratos voiced his opinion.

"I agree with Kratos," Raine said.

"I say-" Raine hit Genis in the stomach with her wooden club.

"Who cares what you think? Colette?" Raine put her club away.

"We have to save Chocolat!"

"I say," Lloyd piped up and glared at Colette. "We go put the squeeze on Dorr and visit Palmacoasta."

"It will probably be our last visit there," Kratos said. "So you shouldenjoy it."

"ONE MORE TIME!" Lloyd sang. "I'M GONNA CELEBRATE OH YEAH ONE MORE TIME!"

"Let's just go," Raine sighed.

* * *

"Where is he?" Genis asked stupidly, even though you could hear Dorr's voice coming from downstairs.

"In the basement, stupid," Lloyd informed him. "Wow, Genis, it's usually you that's smarter than me."

"Just give me some more time," Dorr pleaded from the Desian.

"Well, you won't get another paper weight delivery until next month unless you give us more Gald," the Desian said coldly.

"Drat," Dorr frowned. "Fine, you can leave." The Desian walked out. "Just a little more time Kilia, and my paper weight collection will be finished."

"What are you doing?" Lloyd asked as he and everyone else walked in.

"Uhh.." Dorr stammered. "It's not what it looks like."

"Yeah it is!" Lloyd shot back, and ranted for a while.

"Absurd!" Kilia exclaimed once Lloyd and Colette were done ranting. She was about to stab her father in the back with a knife, but instead took a brick and bashed his head in.

"How could you do that to your own father?" Colette asked in shock.

Kilia transformed into a purple monster. "How could I have a fool of a father like that when I serve Lord Pronyma?"

"Derrrr...a fool of a father?" Coleete said stupidly. I hate that line.

"Omigosh!" Genis squeezed three words all into one sentence. "Kilia's a monster! And she is the ugly color of...deep purple!"

"Smooooke on the waater," Lloyd broke out in song again.

The fight began. Lloyd was hacking away with his swords. Colette was standing on the sidelines cheering. Genis was attacking with magic, and Raine was casting her pathetic First Aid. And of course, Kratos carried the whole group and won the battle for them.

"Fine then," Kilia moaned and crawled over to the cage slowly. "I'll let this monster out..to kill you!" She ripped down the curtain covering the cell, and everyone gasped in shock, assuming it would be Clara. But it wasn't Clara. It was Dorr's paperweight collection.

"What?" Kilia was stupefied. "Paperweights? Lord Yggdrasill, glory to the coming age of half-elves!"

"Something tells me we're going to keep hearing that," Genis commented.

"Lloyd.." Dorr whispered. "Take care of my paperweight collection."

"Shut up," Lloyd commanded, and Dorr breathed his last.

"My healing arts cannot save one single life," Professor Raine muttered to herself.

"You didn't even try!" Colette shouted.

"We should be going," Kratos told them. "Who knows when that Sora person will catch onto our trail?"

Lloyd was about to sing a song, but he couldn't. "What happened? I CAN'T SING!"

"It's the Curse of the Purple Monster," Kratos informed him with a grin. "Once an evil purple monster touches you, you cannot sing until you complete a quest."

"So that means.." Lloyd put two and two together and started crying. "I CAN'T SING UNTIL WE REFURNISH THE WORLD! WAHH!"

Everyone cheered, and Kratos celebrated with Miller Lite.

**End Chapter Fifteen**

_So the characters of Kingdom Hearts II have wiggled their way in.. Well, review, guess the songs (for the last time), and blah blah blah all that stuff._


	17. Chapter Sixteen: Drunk Driving

_A/N: No KH2 spoilers. Except...I'm going to put something in this story which is going to drive everyone who has played KH2 bonkers. No game spoilers though. It's my crazy theory, but it's not in this chapter. No more guest apperance schedule..but don't worry everyone still gets to be in that wanted to. And for those whoasked me in reviews- yeah, you can be in. I've got you down.And - HOLY CRAP - Lloyd will sing again. Huzzah! But not in this chapter._

* * *

**Songs**

Crazy - Simple Plan

One More Time - Daft Punk

Smoke on the Water - Deep Purple

* * *

Mickey: Kratos is not Simba.

Sora: Really? Then who!

Mickey: (whispers)

Sora: HOLY CRAP! The author owns nothing. (Hehe..you're curious right now aren't you? I've got the craziest idea ever..)

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen: Driving Under The Influence**

_Readers: Drunk driving is a very poor decision which you should never make...and seat belts should always be worn. Alright I'm pretty sure that's good enough, here's the chapter._

They all woke up scattered across the floor of the basement in Dorr's building.

"Ohhh..." Kratos moaned as he slowly got to his feet. "What happened?"

"Genis!" Raine screamed and Genis hid the beer bottle behind his back. "Were you drinking?"

"Eh..." Genis stammered nervously. "Course not."

"We have to get going!" Lloyd jumped up and started running upstairs.

Kratos was still drinking. A lot. More than one should. Let's just say, he's not sober at all anymore..

"There's no way we can make it in time on foot!" Colette called up to Lloyd. "We have to drive!"

"The only one with a car is Kratos," Raine replied. "And I don't know how to drive. Kratos, you haven't been drinking lately have you?"

Kratos quickly tossed the beer bottles to Colette. "She did it!"

"COLETTE!" Raine expoloded and threw a chair. "The Chosen One is not permitted to drink! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"

"It won't happen again, Professor," Colette threw Kratos a death glare.

"Let's go," Kratos told them, as they all hopped into his H3.

"Yes! A Hummer!" Genis started dancing. "The perfect car for road rage."

"Shotgun!" Lloyd announced, and tried to hop into the car before Raine caught him and threw him to the ground.

"You're sitting in the back. I have to give Kratos directions," Raine sat next to Kratos and got out a map.

"Are we there yet?" Lloyd asked annoyingly.

"We haven't even started the car!" Colette said in a know-it-all voice.

Kratos stabbed at the ignition several times with his key, but missed like the first ten. "Got it." He took off really fast and began to swerve left and right like crazy.

"KRATOS SLOW IT DOWN!" Raine yelled at him. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? QUIT SWERVING EVERYWHERE! WHY ARE YOU- oh Martel...you've been drinking haven't you..oh Martel..."

Genis was the only one in the back who realized that Kratos was drunk. "Guys! Someone else is going to have to take the wheel!"

"Ha!" Lloyd laughed. "Genis, you're no way NEAR tall enough. Colette- well, you don't have your driver's license. I do!"

"No you don't!" Raine shot back. "You don't even have a permit!"

"So?" Lloyd uncbuckled his seat belt and he and Raine pulled Kratos out of the driver's seat together. He slumped down in the back, unconscious.

"Alright," Lloyd took the wheel and was actually a pretty good driver. "Which way?"

"Take a left at the House of Salvation."

"Uh...where?"

"YOU MISSED IT!" Raine kicked the car angrily. "Now you have to turn around."

"Get over it," Lloyd said angrily. "We're in the middle of nowhere, I can drive wherever I want."

Eventually they reached the human rodeo, and Kratos came to. They looked over to their right to see the Desians having a party and riding the humans.

"Sickening.." Kratos muttered. Everyone agreed. It was funny though.

"Ha!" Axel ran up to them with his chakrams. "I've finally found you..Kratos."

"Ah..Axel," Kratos replied. "How long has it been?"

"You two know each other?" Colette asked.

"Well, DUH," Lloyd made a face at Colette. "They know each others names. Oh what now, BIOTCH?"

"I will tell Remiel and the angels of Cruxis to kill you," Colette said calmly.

Lloyd shuddered and curled up on the ground in a ball. Genis rolled his eyes.

"Kratos, come with me," Axel told him. "Mithos and his n-"

"Not now, Axel," Kratos motioned toward everyone else. "I can't. Maybe after you know what."

"Kratos, what the hell is going on?" Raine asked.

"Nothing!" Kratos exclaimed. "I HAVEN'T BEEN DRUNK DRIVING AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS GUY IS. GO AWAY MR. I DON'T KNOW YOUR NAME."

"You were always a weird one, Kratos," Axel raised and eyebrow and was about to leave. "Oh, and that Keyblade kid and his Disney friends are heading this way."

"Gasp!" Kratos...uh...gasped. "Everyone, into the ranch!"

"It needs an access code," Lloyd told them. He pulled a paperweight out of his pocket that he had taken from Dirk. After looking really hard at it, the numbers on it read 3341. Lloyd punched the code in and they went inside.

"Phew," Colette sighed in relief. "That's so scary watching those Desians ride humans."

"Hehe.." Kratos snickered. "Next week it's human fighting instead of bull fighting. Hehe.."

"Why do you find that so funny?" Colette said in horror.

So they killed a bunch of Desians. They got some cards. And they opened up a tedious warp puzzle. Which, actually isn't that tedious if you know what to do.

"Ooh!" Lloyd got all happy. "Let's go in rainbow color order! Okay..let's see..first is- RED!" He charged toward the red warp and they warped.

"Next is orange," Genis said knowledgeably.

"No you idiot," Lloyd shot back. "There's no orange here. It's yellow, you dipshit!"

"Quit calling everyone names, Lloyd," Colette tried to do the right thing. After all, she used to be very unChosen-like. (Forgive me for making up words.)

"Shut up!" Raine commanded them. "See those shiny things? We just keep taking those warps until we reach Magnius!"

"I don't WANT to reach Magnius," Genis complained. "He's so ugly, and-"

"His hair looks like Genis's Raggedy Ann dolls," Lloyd interrupted with a smirk.

"Shut up Lloyd," Genis frowned.

"You should all shut the hell up," Kratos demanded. "And do what Raine said."

They shut the hell up and did what Raine said. They eventually went into the room where Chocolat is being held.

Magnius came down on his little lounge thing eating cheese puffs.

"Give us Chocolat!" Lloyd insisted angrily.

"Haha," Magnius laughed. "Hey Chocolat- know what Lloyd did to Marble? He put her inside a pinata- and attacked the pinata with his swords!"

"That is NOT how it happened!" Lloyd screamed.

"You still killed her," Magnius was still laughing. "Details, who needs 'em?" (Hooray for Kingdom Hearts II lines!)

"You murderer!" Chocolat yelled at Lloyd, and walked back over to the Desians. Just then, RoyalFanatic came into the room. He walked up to Chocolat angrily and bitch-slapped her in the face.

"OW!" Chocolat began to cry. "What was that for?"

RoyalFanatic said, "For being a bitch." He promptly ran out of the rodeo, hiding in wait.

"Oookay.." Magnius turned to the Desians and Chocolat. "Get her out of here." They left. Wow, a two word sentence...

"Do you really think you're gonna live through this?" Magnius asked, as he began charging up fire attacks.

Lloyd charged toward him with his two swords and began to hack away as usual. Since this was a challenging opponent, Magnius just kicked Lloyd to the ground. Colette was sitting on the side, because I never use Colette. Genis was attacking with his kendama physically, which did 1 damage each time. Good job, Genis. Raine was constantly casting First Aid, and Kratos was doing all of the major damage.

The battle was over. Magnius was all ticked and stuff.

"Stooopid Magnius," Kratos looked down to the ugly Grand Cardinal. "Yggrdasill has accepted this girl as the Chosen."

"What?" Magnius began swearing and ripped his hair out. It was actually an improvement...well sort of. "I've been decieved!"

"Let's blow this place up!" Raine walked over to the controls and started htiting all of the buttons until it said "Self-Destruct in ten minutes".

"No!" Colette protested, but they all ran out in front of the ranch. They all saw RoyalFanatic bitch-slapping Chocolat as the Desians were escorting her to the Iselia Rodeo.

* * *

"Sup G?" Rodyle greeted as his hologram came up.

"Rodyle..you jackass," Magnius started. "You tricked me! There was never an order for me to get that ugly haircut was there!"

"Hehehehehehehehe.." Rodyle laughed evilly. "It's been really fun watching you walk around with that ugly haircut, Magnius. Hehehee."

"Lord Yggdrasill..glory to the...what is it again?"

* * *

"We did it!" Genis and Lloyd cheered.

"Neil..come with us!" Colette said as they ran away from the exploding rodeo. "It's going to blow up!"

And it did. But now they were off to Hakonesia Peak, to head to Asgard where Raine gets funky.

**End Chapter Sixteen**

_Review!_


	18. Chapter Seventeen: Instead of Washtubs

_A/N: Raine does not get funky yet. I keep forgetting about the seal of water. Will Colette get her wings? Probably not.But now, review time! Lots of nice people reviewed! Let's talk to them, Genis! On, and since I'm tired of doing disclaimers: I don't own anything in all the chapters. Now talk, Genis._

Genis: Fine.

**Fallenangel: **Beep? That's Lloyd's jam. He used to sing it all the time, but then me and Kratos locked him in the trunk of his car.

**Kirbykirby: **Lloyd says you're like the best song guesser ever. Besides him.

**The Maiden of the Mist:**Hey! I don't see anything funny with making fun of my Raggedy Ann dolls. (Hehe...)

**Freakyanimegal: **All fall before the Keyblade of the mighty King Mickey!

**Nakoya: **Yeah, now that Colette isn't a jerk anymore, she's like the exact opposite, which is worse.

**GenisAddict: **You're addicted? To me? Coooool. (Hehe..you're just going to have to wait and see how Kratos knows them...)

**Animesage: **Lloyd told me to tell you that he is afraid of Fiore.

**Brandy Mallory: **Hehe...I like Miller because that's what Kratos gives me. Do you really like Lloyd's singing?

**Nife: **Funny stuff? Like really funny? Because of Lloyd being stupid? Yeah.

**Blade Liger Master: **Woah, that's a lot of attacking people. (sighs in relief) Glad I wasn't mentioned.

**LyallAurion: **You obsess over Kratos...AND Lloyd? What about me? Genis needs love too.

**RoyalFanatic: **Lloyd ALWAYS gets the ice cream cake. And the author wanted me to tell you that he ate broccoli as punishment for his mistake.

_Thank you reviewers!_

_There really shouldn't be too much KH2 stuff in this story...so I'm finishing it off in this chapter. Say goodbye to Sora, Donald, Goofy, Mickey, and Axel! Without further ranting, here is Chapter 17._

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen: Instead of Washtubs...**

"Okay everyone," Kratos began as they neared Thoda Dock in his H3. "We're just about there. I'm not sure how we're going to make it to Thoda Island. Something tells me we need to get a Spiritua Statue from the geyser..."

"I know!" Genis piped up. "The dumbass author forgot to put in a conversation with the guys at the House of Salvation. We need to get the Spiritua Statue so that we can look at the Book of Regeneration since the guy with the red nose is being a damn idiot."

"Language, Genis," Raine said in a threatening tone. "You wouldn't want more beatings, would you?"

"We're there!" Colette exclaimed as they all hopped out of the car and walked inside the building.

"Hello," Lloyd greeted as he walked over to the front desk. "We'd like transportation to Thoda Geyser."

"That would be 200 gald for each adult, and 100 for each child," she told them.

"What is considered an adult?" Kratos asked, hoping that Genis would count as a kid.

"Twelve and up."

They all cursed. They would have to spend an extra one-hundred gald because of Genis.

"I got it!" Lloyd whispered excitedly. "We'll tell them that Genis is actually two years old!"

"That's the stupidest plan ever," Genisreplied in a condescending voice. "Have you been taking stupid pills? We'll tell them that I'm fourteen."

"You're both morons," Raine sighed and put a hand on her forehead. "Lloyd, Genis does not look anything like two years old. Kratos, fourteen is larger than fifteen. We'll tell her that Genis is 10."

"Why not 11?" Colette asked. "That's a little less suspicious, and I don't think we should be doing this anyway."

"What is the level of education in Iselia?" Kratos raised an eyebrow. "That's just what they're expecting! We'll tell them 10."

"Ahem," the lady grew impatient. "What age is the small one?"

"11!" Colette blurted out quickly.

"That's just what we were expecting!" she shouted and pulled out an age scanner. "This boy is 12 years old! Now you must pay 1000 gald for five adults."

"No!" Lloyd shouted desperately. "Colette is six!"

"Lying is bad," she told him. "One more lie, and I won't let you go. Fork the money over."

They all reluctantly pulled out their money and counted it up.

"All together, we've got enough," Raine said, and gave the lady 1000 gald.

"Okay, that's five washtubs," the lady put the money in the register.

"W-washtubs?" stammered Raine. "I am NOT getting in a washtub. No way. There's got to be another way."

"Ya'll got a car?"

"Yes."

"You can take the ferry, for 200 more gald," she responded.

"Yes yes yes!" Raine pulled out Genis's life savings and forked them over.

"M'am, this is a little extra-"

"We don't care!" Kratos glanced out the window to see Sora, Axel, and everyone else. "Keep the change!"

"Go ahead out to the ferry," she pocketed the extra money with a grin on her face.

"Run!" Kratos insisted, and they sped out towards the ferry.

"Kratos!" Axel called. "Stop!"

"What do you want?" Kratos began sweating.

"We will NOT form together," Axel said angrily.

"What are you talking about?" Lloyd asked.

"They don't know?" Mickey gave Kratos a 'well now you've done it' look.

"Know what?" Colette shot back curiously.

"I," Axel started. Kratos protested, but Axel continued, "am Kratos's Nobody."

"WhuchootalkingboutWillis?" Lloyd dropped his two swords.

In all of the clutter and confusion, Animesage snuck up behind Raine and kissed her on the cheek. He cut off a little of her hair, and put it into a little plastic bag. He and Fiore ran away promptly afterwards.

"No..body?" Colette said in her stupid 'fool of a father' voice.

"Yes," Sora said. "Kratos got turned into a Heartless and that's where Axel came from."

Kratos shifted guiltily. Everyone began to realize that it was his fault that they had been pursued by everyone from Kingdom Hearts II.

"Fine," Kratos muttered. "We don't have to form together."

"Huzzah!" Axel cheered, and began to party like it was 1989. Good times. Good times.

The Kingdom Hearts II characters left. Donald and Goofy muttered something about not getting any lines.

"To Thoda Geyser!" Genis said, as they got on the ferry.

**End Chapter Seventeen

* * *

**

_What Have We Learned_

_Unimportant side characters (like the girl at Thoda Dock) can play a big role_

_During confusing moments isa good chance to make a move on a girl/guy_

_An author can make a very short scene into a chapter if he wants to

* * *

Chapter Eighteen coming tomorrow most likely! The Seal of Water and Asgard! _


	19. Chapter Eighteen: New Titles!

A/N: Yay for reviews! Lots of them!

**Brandy Mallory: **Uh...Kratos singing? Sorry, can't see that happening. o.o

**Animesage: **Kratos? Duel? With? I don't know...I'll think about it.

**Kirbykirby726: **Short and sweet. Right?

**RoyalFanatic: **No ferry? But what about Kratos's H3? Huh!

**Arikai Belnades: **Huzzah for uncontrollable laughing! Yeah, you can be in it. Just tell me what you want.

**LyallAurion: **I don't like Colette much, but Genis! Genis is cool! Right? Okay, sort of cool.

**Demonic Muffin: **I'm glad you hate Colette, and like the story!

**Kusabi Makabe: **That Raine is one baaad half-elf. She'll probably beat Genis. A lot.

**Freakyanimegal: **Author powers? I have those? Coooool.

**Khiash: **It's because of the Chapter Zero. If I call them frisbees, people will say, 'th3y r ( hakram$ n00b'. That's why.

**Jafarpronouncedjayfer: **I think I can arrange that.

**Nakoya: **Well, they could always mow lawns. :P

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen: New Titles!**

"Ughhh...water," Raine stared out the window of the Hummer as her face turned green.

"Hey hey hey HEY!" Kratos yelled. "Don't you dare barf in this car! I cleaned it last week!"

"There's no way!" Genis looked at the floor. "There's potato chip crumbs and magazines everywhere!"

"Hehe," Kratos laughed and began muttering. "Me Yuan, and Mithos had some fun a few days ago." Don't worry. It's not what you're thinking.

"What?" Lloyd unbuckled his seat belt (which you should never ever ever ever ever do unless you're Arnold Schwarzanegger) and went up to stare at Kratos. "Who's Yuan? Why are you talking about Mithos the Hero?"

"Hero?" Kratos snickered and almost let something slip.

"Hey guys!" Colette started, and saved Kratos's ass. "A few days ago, this guy with blue hair came into my room at the inn?"

Kratos shifted in his seat.

"He looked at me, and then stepped on one of my squeaky toys," Colette was now in 'Non-Stop Rant Phase'. "Then he said 'DAMN SQUEAKY SHIT!'and crashed through the window. Then I was like 'Bye, Mysterious Stranger!'"

_Colette earned the title, Ranting Bitch._

"Colette!" Raine's face turned back to normal as she turned around to lecture Colette. "You should have called for help! What in the world were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that maybe we should get a puppy," Colette replied with a stupid smile on her face. "That would be great! I was thinking about maybe a golden retriever or-"

"We have reached Thoda Geyser!" a voice called. "Please exit the vehicle."

"Geyser, geyser, geyser, geyser, geyser, GEYSER!" Lloyd kicked open the door of the car and ran to see it. Kratos walked over angrily and saw that his son had dented it.

"LLOYD!" Kratos grabbed him by the collar. "You're gonna pay for my Hummer!"

Lloyd did the little pathetic kid thing and started to cry uncontrollably. He shouted stuff like 'I DIDN'T KNOW' and 'I DIDN'T MEAN TO! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!'

Kratos sighed and let go of Lloyd.

"Haha! Sucker!" Lloyd ran off to the Thoda Geyser with Genis and Colette right behind him. Raine was still kissing the ground.

"This sign looks familiar," Colette squinted her eyes and tried to make something out. "But I don't know what it is." She walked behind it and stared at the oracle stone for a few good minutes. "Nope, still don't know."

Genis followed her behind the sign and saw the oracle stone. "Colette! This is a seal! And we could have missed it because you were being an idiot!"

"Another seal?" Lloyd groaned. "I'm sick of breaking seals!"

Kratos rolled his eyes. "We've only broken one. You do want to refurnish the world, don't you?"

Suddenly (you know what's coming) a mysterious person ran out from the bushes. Raine was about to beat Genis for no good reason with her club, and GenisAddict took the hit.

"AHH!" he fell to the ground and screamed in pain.

"Do you need help?" Colette kneeled down to see if GenisAddict was okay. "Are you okay? Professor, look what you did!"

"Thank you stranger," Genis was very grateful. GenisAddict smiled at him, then stood up and ran away.

"Grrr.." Raine growled at her brother. "I'll get you next time, Genis."

Kratos was impatient as hell. "Let's just have the Chosen place her hand on the oracle stone."

Colette walked over and put her hand on it. "Yay me!" The door opened and there was a magical bridge made out of...blue Jello. They crossed it as Kratos looked back to see Sheena.

Sheena attempted to follow them, but Noishe blocked her way. When she tried to get past him, Noishe promptly bit her on the finger.

"OW!" she screamed. "DAMMIT!" She walked away, mumbling, "Stupid pony dog monster..I'll get you next time."

"I see that the assassin did not make it in here," Kratos commented to no one.

"What? What assassin?" Lloyd raised an eyebrow stupidly.

"Retard," Kratos sighed. "The assassin after the Chosen. I told Noishe to prevent her from entering."

"What?" Lloyd dropped his swords in shock. "Noishe only listens to ME!"

"Heh, apparently not," Kratos turned his back to Lloyd and walked away. Lloyd was fuming, and he picked up his swords angrily.

"Look! A shiny white ball floating in the air!" Genis ran over and looked at it. "Is it like a Sorcerer's Ring changer!"

"Good job Genis," Raine said insincerely. "I might just lay off beatings for a few days."

"Let's change it!" Colette exclaimed, and ran up with the Sorcerer's Ring. "Now it squirts out water! That's stupid."

"Not as stupid as...YOU!" Lloyd began laughing. Everyone else just stood there, waiting for Lloyd to finish.

"You are all stupid," Kratos informed them. "We need to light the torches with the normal Sorcerer's Ring."

"Oh," Colette walked back over to the white ball and changed it back. "Let's do it."

I hate writing in dungeons. So, in short, they lit the torches and filled the pots with water...and whatever else you're supposed to do. Yeah.

"It's time to take on the boss!" Lloyd charged towards the warp.

"I don't want to talk to Remiel again," Genis complained. "He's annoying. He thinks he's better than everyone. I want to kill him."

"GENIS!" Raine pulled out her club and hit him over the head. "Don't say that."

"It's okay," Colette folded her hands in her stupid way. "I've felt like killing him before too."

"Haven't we all?" Kratos asked rhetorically. "Now let's go break the seal and get it over with."

"Then we can get some McDonalds," Lloyd said. The obsession is still alive!

They all warped into the room, and then Genis said his stupid "Oh, gee, there's lotsa mana in here" line, and then the screen started shaking and there was a flash.

"Why don't we get to see the boss before the battle?" Lloyd asked.

"I don't know," Professor Raine responded thoughtfully. "I never thought about that."

_--Battle--_

"Demon Fang!"

"Tiger Blade!"

Genis whacked the boss with his kendama doing 1 damage again. Good job, kid.

"Ray Thrust!"

"Raine!" Lloyd called after getting walloped by the boss about a thousand times. "First Aid, please!"

"I'm not in the battle Lloyd. I can't help."

"Kratos!" Lloyd screamed desperately. "Use First Aid! I think I'm gonna die!'

"Why should I?" Kratos ignored him and kept on hacking away at the boss with his sword.

"Ahhh!" Lloyd shouted in pain as he was hit on the head. He collapsed to the ground dead.

"Thunder Blade!" Genis cast the spell at the boss, and it was defeated.

_--End Battle--_

Genis and Colette were cheering in victory. Raine's eyes were darting around, as she was trying to decide who to beat. Kratos was just standing there with his '...', and Lloyd was lying down unconscious.

Remiel did his slow and overdramatic hover down, but made sure to stay high in the air to make them feel inferior.

"Chosen One, say your stupid and overused line."

"O Goddess Martel, grant me thy strength!"

"You didn't say the whole thing," Remiel frowned. "But that's okay, because there is really no go-"

Kratos shot him a death glare.

"Er, I mean, it doesn't really matter, Colette," Remiel stammered nervously. "Go far across the continent to break the last two seals. We of Cruxis are better than you."

"I TOLD YOU RAINE!" Genis angrily pulled out his kendama and casted Fire Ball at Remiel.

Remiel swiftly flew to the side. "I was going to finally give Colette her wings, but if you're all going to be little asses, it'll just have to wait until next time!" He promptly disappeared.

"Nice going Genis," said Lloyd, who was suddenly conscious.

* * *

They were walking out of the Temple when Colette suddenly fell down to the ground facefirst.

Kratos put a hand to his mouth to stifle the laughter. It was just too funny.

"I'm okay," Colette's eyes closed and she blacked out.

"It's probably because she didn't get her wings," Lloyd stared at Genis.

"No," Raine said, thinking hard. "For once, I'm going to actually not take the side that opposes Genis. It's a disease I'm going to call...Angel Toxicosis."

"Now you're just making up words," Kratos told her.

* * *

The campfire was slowly dying down. Lloyd walked over to talk to Kratos.

"We're going to Asgard tomorrow Lloyd," Kratos spoke up.

"Okay. We better _guard _our _asses_," was Lloyd's attempt at a joke. He began chuckling.

"What a stupid joke," Kratos turned around. "I'm going to bed. Maybe while you sleep you'll think of some better jokes."

Lloyd frowned angrily and went over by the campfire to sleep.

* * *

Once they were back at Hakonesia Peak, Raine was getting a little over excited.

"ASGARD RUINS! ASGARD RUINS! ASGARD RUINS!" Raine was practically bouncing off the walls with joy.

"Calm down Raine," Genis tried to coax her. "You're going crazy!"

Raine earned the title, _Obsessive Compulsive Disorder._

**End Chapter Eighteen**

_Next chapter: Raine dances! And other fun stuff! Review! ._


	20. Chapter Nineteen: Mauled by the Chosen

A/N: Ooh, reviewers! Let's talk to them!

**LyallAurion: **Hooray for all of those things and more!

**Kusabi Makabe: **I haven't put any titles in except for those, and I'm trying to put in more!

**Demonic Muffin: **I don't think Lloyd is smarter than anyone...

**GenisAddict: **Curse my gender errors! (pouts)

**Brandy Mallory: **A good chapter? Well, good is better than average. :P

**Nife: **Okay, you can be in a chapter. All you had to do was ask!

**Animesage: **I said maybe? I did? Oh yeah. Well, I guess it's possible.

**Sheena the Summoner: **WHAT? Axel is not queer! I absolutely resent that!

**Nakoya: **Yeah, I thought the Asgard thing was kinda obvious.

**No Name: **Damn! You predicted the plot of my story! Hehe..it's okay. Nice guess!

**Arikai Belnades: **I can't have my readers getting beaten to a pulp! The stalking thing sounds better..:P

**Blade Liger Master: **Badass Mercenary? Sounds good. I'll give him something like that.

**The Maiden of the Mist: **Of course! I'm fixed on the idea that Asgard was built solely forRaine.

**Jafarpronouncedjayfer: **Umm...thanks for the review?

**Khiash: **Raine in a bikini? It could happen!

_Thanks reviewers! And no more review notes from now on- I'm just going to do the review reply thing._

_Guest appearances...oh boy. Due to my gender blunders, if I have you scheduled for an upcoming guest appearance, please tell me your gender. And I am no longer taking guest appearance...sorry. Maybe later on in the story again. Anyone who previously asked to be in, is in.

* * *

_

**Chapter Nineteen: **Mauled by the Chosen

"Yes, we're finally at Asgard!" Lloyd cheered in relief.

"Let's go see the ruin!" Raine sprinted up the stairs toward the Asgard Ruins and her crazy theme song started playing. Those pink and red lighs flashed above her head.

"This is a perfect time for a lesson!" the Professor turned around. "Lloyd, what is the 'i' before 'e' rule?"

"Ummm.." Lloyd stammered, thinking furiously. "'i' before 'e'...always."

"What, are you an idiot Lloyd?" Raine clapped her hand to her forehead.

"Apparently!" Genis shouted out.

"'i' before 'e' except after 'c'," Raine started ranting. "And when sounding like 'a' as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays, and all throughout May, and you'll always be wrong no matter WHAT YOU SAY!"

"That's a hard rule," Lloyd grimaced.

"Hmph," Kratos said and crossed his arms condescendingly. Raine began to rant again while Genis was thinking about something else and Colette was listening very intently. Oh, and Lloyd was also there for a long time if you're an idiot like me who couldn't figure out that I was able to move until Professor Raine's third time through her rambling.

"I can MOVE!" Lloyd realized, and went to explore the back of the ruin. "Hey what are you two doing?"

"Uhhh..." Harley stammered. "We're not trying to blow up the ruin or anything."

Just then Raine jumped like a hundred feet in the air and ran over to see Harley and...Linar? Yeah, Linar.

"Professor," Lloyd began. "They're trying to blow up the ruin with this...thing!"

"WHAT?" Raine screamed, and gave Harley a roundhouse kick to the face which put Chuck Norris to shame. "How DARE you?" She kicked Linar in the stomach and he fell to the ground painfully. After they were both lying on the ground, she pushed the 'on' switch on accident. Stupid Raine.

"Time for a lecture!" Raine announced happily to them. "Lloyd, how often does the Summon Spirit of Wind come to this ruin?"

"Um..." Lloyd searched his brain for an answer and remember the 'i' before 'e' rule. "On WEEKENDS AND HOLIDAYS AND IN MAY!"

"Lloyd, you're a moron," Raine shook her head sadly. "Now-"

"Professor, it's gonna blow!" Lloyd shouted.

"DAMMIT!" Raine cursed and pushed all the buttons furiously. "It's not working!"

"I'll do it!" Lloyd ran over heroically and kicked it about a thousand times until it turned off.

"Wow," Harley commented in awe. "That was amazing."

"Don't go around messing with things you can't control," Lloyd lectured. "And remember, if you're ever in trouble just call...the TEEN TITANS! TITANS GO!"

"What?" Linar asked, confused.

"Never mind," Lloyd quickly replied. "Let's go, Raine."

* * *

"That's TERRIBLE!" Colette yelled, after discovering that that one girl..(I can't remember her name) was going to be sacrificed on the ruins after dancing. "Is there anything we can do?" 

"No," Kratos answered coldly. "There isn't. We must move along with the refurnishing of the world. Look at it this way: the girl may die, but you two will have new wallpaper and furniture."

"KRATOS YOU'RE SO MEAN!" Genis started sobbing uncontrollably and ran out of the house.

"Stupid Genis," Raine said. "I assure you, he'll get beaten later. Anyway, I would be happy to dance in place of you. Then we could discover what's going on."

"Alright," Harley agreed. "Let's go do it."

* * *

Everyone stood near the front of the ruins as Raine walked onto the top. The song 'Hey Ya' started to play as the Professor started break dancing. She spun around on her head several times then began to do the worm. 

"Woo-hoo!" Lloyd cheered. "I never knew Raine was so cool!"

Raine continued her crazy dancing until the fake Summon Spirit of Wind came out.

"That was the worst dancing I've ever seen!" it complained, holidng its hands over its ears. "And the song sucked too! Prepare to die!"

**--Battle--**

"Yah! Demon Fang!" Lloyd ran up and began hacking away with his sword like he normally did. Colette sat on the sidelines as usual playing with leaves and rocks.

"It's pancake time! STALAGMITE!" Genis held his kendama high in the air and casted the spell.

Raine was healing everyone as much as she could, but still was upset the monster insulted her dancing.

Kratos swiftly moved up to the monster and slashed several times with his sword, doing the most damage and killing the monster. Go, Kratos!

**--End Battle--**

"Yay!" Lloyd exclaimed. "We beat it!"

"Thank you," Linar said. "Even though your dancing was horrific, you still defeated that monster. For that, we are grateful."

_Acquired Balacruf Map._

"This shouild lead us to the next seal," Raine told them, although still a little shaken about the whole dancing thing.

"Let's go!" Genis began running toward the front of the city.

"So I can finally get my wings!" Colette added.

* * *

"Chosen, place your hand on the oracle stone," Kratos commanded, bored out of his mind. 

"Okey-dokey!" Colette put her hand on there and they inserted the Balacruf map, and the door opened.

"Oh great," Lloyd groaned. "Another seal."

"Don't complain again," Raine threatened, "or you will be forced to attend the nightly beatings with Genis."

Lloyd and Genis both shuddered in fear as they walked into the ruins.

"Change the Sorcerer's Ring!" Kratos told them, as they were wandering aimlessly. "Over there, you idiot!"

"Wha?" Lloyd said stupidly. "Oh, over THERE." He walked over and changed the Sorcerer's Ring. "All it does is make it a little windy. That's absolutely useless."

They skipped through all the obstacles, and went into the last room, because that's pretty much all you have to do in that dungeon.

"Oww.." Genis moaned in pain. "I got hit in the face by one of the spiky things."

"Tough," Raine walked over to the little pin wheels, and blew wind on each of them randomly. The door was unlocked, and they walked through to see another seal.

"What's with the red splotches on the floor?" Colette inquired.

"That's my blood!" Genis yelled, clutching his face.

"Hahahaha," Kratos laughed silently to himself.

"There's more mana again," Genis managed to say, and the white flashy thing came up and they couldn't see the boss.

**--Battle--**

"First Aid!" Raine shouted, and Genis's wounds were healed.

"Thanks Raine," Genis hugged his sister sincerely.

"GET OFF ME, FOOL!" Raine screamed and pushed Genis away. "You're still getting beaten!"

Lloyd was fighting with attacks such as Tiger Blade and Sonic Thrust. Kratos was, well Kratos-ing. He slashed at the enemy as usual, and easily defeated it.

**--End Battle--**

"We did it!" Lloyd and Genis cheered again, and the music started to play. "We did it, we did it, we did it, YEAH! We made it through the dungeon and we spun the pinwheels! Then we kicked some ass and we broke the seal! We did it!"

"Ooookay," Colette said, and walked up to the alter. "O Goddess Martel, please give me stuff!"

"Good enough," Remiel replied, and floated down staring at them all like they were vermin. "Chosen, you have done well in reaching this far. The next seal lies in a tall tower. I should be going now-"

"But, Remiel," Colette interrupted quickly. "What about my wings?"

"Wings?" Remiel asked. "Oh yeah, the wings. Well, you'll get them next time."

"WHAT?" Colette screamed in anger. "You BASTARD! I'll KILL YOU!" She threw her chakrams at her "father", but he disappeared before they could hit.

"It's okay Colette," Lloyd patted her on the back sympathetically. "There's always next-"

"RAWR!" Colette growled fiercely, and Lloyd backed away.

They were almost out of the ruins when Sheena suddenly ran up and attempted to attack them.

"Stop!" she insisted, and the battle was about to begin. It wasn't really a fight..Colette just ferociously ran up and mauled Sheena.

"Owwww," Sheena moanedpainfully. "I'll get you next time!" She promptly disappeared.

"Finally," Kratos began. "A battle where I don't have to do all the fighting."

"WHAT?" Lloyd protested. "I fight! I do a lot of damage!"

"Riiight."

**End Chapter Nineteen**

_It's time for Lloyd's new fast food obsession! Sorry that his McDonalds one has been pretty much non-existent. So go ahead and vote!_


	21. Chapter Twenty: Secret of Exspheres

_(A/N: Still taking votes for Lloyd's new fast food obsession. For those with short term memory loss:_

_#1. Taco Bell_

_#2. McDonalds_

_Enjoy the chapter!)_

**Chapter Twenty: Secret of Exspheres**

The group exited the Balacruf Mausoleum and were walking down the steps, when Lloyd suddenly spoke up.

"Hey guys!" he called back to them. "Watch this!" He shoved Colette hard in the back and she tumbled down the steps and began to bleed very badly in several spots.

"IMBECILE! You can't be trusted to do anything!" Raine shouted, yet another Kingdom Hearts II quote. She smacked Lloyd violently over the head, and ran down to see if Colette was okay.

"Gosh Lloyd," Genis glared at him. "No one thinks that kind of stuff is funny. Even Raine didn't think it was funny."

"Chosen," Kratos said, after glaring at Lloyd, but had a slightgrin on his face. "Are you okay?"

"I-I think so..." she manged to say, after looking at her wounds. She realized that she did not feel any pain at all. "I'm fine!"

"But Colette, you're bleeding hella crazy," Lloyd shot back.

"BECAUSE OF YOU!" Genis shouted, and they all gave Lloyd a you're-a-jerky-asshole look, then walked away. "C'mon guys, let's go somewhere that Lloyd can't hurt us."

"EVERYONE HATES ME!" Lloyd screamed to the random guy who was walking his dog.

"Okay," the guy replied, and continued to walk his dog...Pepe or whatever. "You have fun now, kid."

* * *

Later that night, Lloyd walked over to Colette with a cup in his hands. 

"Here Colette," Lloyd handed her the cup. "I wanted to apologize to you, so I had Genis make hot coffee."

"Okay! Thanks!" she took the cup and drank from it.

"Hot, isn't it?"

"Yeah, really hot."

"I lied. It's actually cold. Genis cast Icicle on it twelve times."

"Oh yeah, it's really cold."

"I lied again. It's actually steaming hot. I had Genis cast Fire Ball on it fourteen times."

"Oh yeah, it's really hot."

"I lied again. It's actually dog shit. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LIKE THIS?"

"Um..since we broke the last seal," Colette told him sadly, and did her stupid little puts-hands-together-and-looks-down-at-the-ground thing.

"Colette," Lloyd hugged her. "What's happening to you?"

"I dunno," she replied. "The first seal, I lost my love of ponies. At the second seal, I wasn't able to wiggle my ears like I used to do. And now, I stopped feeling everything."

"THAT'S HORRIBLE!" Lloys yelled and hugged her tighter. "I think the second seal was the worst."

"Please don't everyone," she begged. "If Genis finds out I can't wiggle my ears anymore, I don't think he'll like me."

"I won't tell anyone."

* * *

"Everyone, follow me," Kratos commanded. "We're going to Luin." 

"Okey-dokey!" Colette exclamied happily, now all smiles and sunshine compared to last night. "Let's go!"

"I got a bad feeling about this.." Genis said. By the way, I don't own that line. George Lucas does.

* * *

"This is horrible.." Lloyd said in shock as he stared at the destruction of Luin. Kratos and Raine however, began laughing and pointed at all the destroyed buildings. 

"How can you laugh..?" Colette's eyes widened in horror.

"It's absolutely awful.." Genis frowned. They all walked over to the fountain, where they saw Sheenacompletely covered in nacho cheese and crouching on the ground in pain.

"Oh, it's you guys," she managed to say. "And that retard Chosen. If you want to kill me, here's your chance."

"KILL you?" Lloyd shouted incredulously. He ran over and pulled one of Sheena's shoes off and began licking it madly. "Oh man! This brings back memories of my Taco Bell obsession!"

"What the-" Sheena stared at him.

"Forget him," Kratos responded. "What happened here?"

"The Desians...attacked," Sheena said. "They destroyed the city-"

"No shit, Sherlock," Genis interrupted and got smacked over the head by Raine.

"-and took all of the citizens to the ranch. When I tried to fight back, they covered me in burning nacho cheese," Sheena muttered.

"Please Professor," Colette begged. "Heal her."

"No," Raine insisted. "I will not heal her. HAHAHA!"

"Just heal her," Kratos rolled his eyes.

"Fine," she said, "but you're all too soft hearted for your own good." She cast First Aid and all that cool stuff until Sheena was healed.

"Thank you," Sheena said gratefully. "But why did you save me?"

"For the same reason you're going to save that man running over here," Lloyd replied.

Right on cue, a pastor came running over screaming 'help' and was being chased by Clara, the pizza monster.

"What in the hell is that?" Kratos pulled out his sword. "Anna?"

"No," Genis shook his head. "That must be Clara. Dorr's wife, who never made it into Chapter Fifteen. By the way, who's Anna?"

"NOBODY!" Kratos banged Genis's head with his shield and he collapsed to the ground dazed.

"Stop!" Sheena demanded, and ran over to try and attack the monster, which didn't do any good. Clara whacked Sheena in the face and she fell to the ground.

"Clara, no!" Colette ran over stupidly to get hit by the monster. For some lucky reason,the pizza monsterdecided to walk away.

"THAT'S why we saved you," Lloyd folded his arms with a grin.

"Thanks," Sheena replied. "Still gonna kill you though." She disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"What now?" Genis asked, as he slowly got up from the ground.

"Better take care of that ranch," Raine said.

* * *

"Okay," Lloyd started as they hid in the bushes. A group of Desians were walking along the side of the rodeo. "We're going to attack them and take their uniforms. Then we can disguise ourselves." 

"Wow, Lloyd," said a very dumbstruck Genis. "That's probably the first good idea you've ever had in your whole life."

"Shut up Genis."

"Attack...NOW!" Kratos yelled, as they jumped out of the bushes and brutally defeated the Desians.

"I'll be the Desian," Lloyd exclaimed enthusiastically. "This is gonna be FUN!"

"This is no game Lloyd," Kratos said sternly. "Besides, it looks like this is a costume for a woman."

"Then it's perfect for Lloyd," Genis laughed.

"Shut up Genis."

"I'll wear the costume," Raine volunteered, and eagerly picked up the whip with an evil look in her eye. Everyone took two steps back from her, just to be safe.

* * *

Once they were inside the ranch, they walked into a room where Raine ran up and started pressing randomly beeping and colorful buttons. 

"Dammit all to hell!" she swore loudly. Note: I'm pretty sure this is the only time in Tales of Symphonia where Raine actually swears. I just...exaggerated it a little. But anyway, cool, no? "They've detected me! We better get out of here!"

"First let's find out what's in this room," Lloyd looked around.

"No time for that! Look behind you!" Kratos exclaimed, and everyone turned around, suddenly alert. Sora? No. Dejavu..

Kvar walked in with his stupid ugly hairdo and that retarded grin on his face. "My my, when I discovered we had some rats I figured it was Botta and the Renegades-"

Just then Botta and two renegades ran in panting. "Sorry we're late," Botta said, and put his hands on his knees. "Um..bye!" They promptly ran out.

"Ha! I knew it!" Kvar exclaimed triumphantly, and one of the doors opened. The little magician dude started doing his dance and three fireballs flew over towards Kratos and Colette. Kratos quickly cast Guardian, not bothering to protect the Chosen at all, and she was directly hit by two of them.

"Colette!" Genis cried. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Colette replied, and they ran out of the room; Kratos was stifling his laughter.

* * *

They walked for a little while, and defeated a few Desians. Eventually, the reached a dead end, and they saw that food of all kinds was moving on a conveyor belt.

"Exspheres are made out of...FOOD?" Lloyd realized in horror.

"That's right, inferior beings," Kvar came in on cue. "If it weren't for us making Exspheres, that perhaps world hunger could be solved! But it can't! Ahahahahaha!"

"You fiend!" Lloyd screamed, and his Exsphere shined brightly.

"What?" Kvar took a closer look at Lloyd's hand. "That Exsphere is without a doubt a product of MY Angus Project!"

"Angus Product?" the group questioned curiously.

"I was making Exspheres out of Angus Beef," Kvar exclaimed with an evil villian grin on his face. "That certain Exsphere was being cultivated on Human A012, your mother, Anna."

"WHAT?" Lloyd shouted. "You killed..my mom?"

"Oh, now don't say that," Kvar smiled wider. "It was your father that killed her...shame that she ran into that man."

"IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!" Kratos screamed at the top of his lungs, and hit Kvar full-force in the face.

Everyone stared at Kratos uneasily.

Luckily for Kratos (again), Sheenamagically poofed in, therefore saving his ass once again. "I'll take care of them! I'm gonna use the last one Grandpa."

"Grandpa?" Genissaid. "My name's not Grandpa!"

"I wasn't talking to you!" Sheena shot back, and summoned one of those..guardian people to fend off the Desians. Once the diversion went into the effect, they all ran away.

* * *

"This...thing!" Lloyd shouted once they were all back at Luin. He held his Exsphere over the campfire. "It could provide a meal to somebody starving!"

"Wait, Lloyd!" Colette ran over to him. "That could have been Anna's last hamburger on earth. Do you think she would want you to throw it away?"

"No," Lloyd muttered.

Sheena was standing around them too, holding her Exsphere.

"By the way, Sheena," Raine looked over at Sheena's Exsphere curiously. "Where did you get that?"

"Umm..uhh.." Sheena stammered, and began to sweat nervously. "Certainly not from some secret organization called the Renegades!"

Genis shrugged. "Works for me."

"I think we should all go to bed," Kratos said, hoping that everyone would have completely forgotten what he said at the rodeo about Anna.

"Okay," Colette said. "Good night everyone!"

**End Chapter Twenty**

_Last chance to vote for Lloyd's new fast food obsession! I'm pretty sure this is going to be his last one._

_Review!_


	22. Chapter Twenty One: Lightning Strike!

**Chapter Twenty-One: Lightning Strike!**

"So, Sheena," Lloyd began. "Where did you get that Desian costume?"

"I got it off a Desian," she replied.

"A LIKELY STORY!" Lloyd screamed, and began to inspect Sheena for anything else. "Woah! I see that you are particulary gifted around the-"

* * *

Lloyd's head was aching like crazy, as he awoke in the Hima inn. 

"Ohhh man," he groaned, clutching his head. "What in the world happened?"

"Sheena hit you over the head with a large rock," Genis informed him, with a smirk on his face. "And you blacked out. After that, Sheena told us that she had some contacts here in Hima that might help us; someone who escaped from the ranch."

"So how did I get here? I definitely didn't walk."

"Kratos and I had to carry you," Genis frowned. "You really need to lose a little weight Lloyd, you're getting a belly."

"AM NOT!" Lloyd retaliated, and jumped out of the bed in pursuit of Genis.

"Boys!" Raine shouted. "Cut it out. Sheena is just introducing us to a friend of someone who escaped from the ranch."

"Did anyone ever teach you manners?" Kratos asked Lloyd, arms folded.

"Nope!" Lloyd said proudly, grinning widely. Kraots sighed and clapped his hand to his forehead.

"Hi Sheena!" greeted Pietro's um..sister? I don't remember her name. "What do you need here?"

"We really needed to talk to Pietro," Sheena answered. "Where is he?"

"..." the girl sighed. "Pietro is dead."

"Dead?" Colette stepped back in shock. "Where is his grave?"

"It's right outside the inn," replied the girl sadly. "Please don't go digging up his grave."

"We're not graverobbers!" Genis yelled in defense. "But I'm not too sure about Lloyd.."

Lloyd just laughed.

* * *

"So this is it," Kratos said, looking down at the grave. "What are we supposed to do here?" 

"I dunno," Raine said. "Plot hole!"

Just then a guy came walking out of the inn. He appeared to be drunk.

"Pietro!" Sheena exclaimed, surprised.

"Chosen-die-DIE," Pietro began to mutter many things. "Kid in red, he getting fat, ranch, rock, Kvar, purple socks-"

"I am NOT getting fat!" Lloyd screamed in frustration. "What is wrong with all of you?"

Suddenly Pietro's sister came running out of the inn, and she appeared to be very upset. "Pietro! What are you doing out here? Get back inside right now! And you!" She pointed at Lloyd and everyone. "You didn't see a fucking thing, you HEAR ME!"

"Now, now," Kratos began, and slowly unsheathed his sword. "We would like some answers, but it appears that you need a little..persuasion." He flicked the blade up to her neck.

"Alright, alright!" she gave in. "Pietro came back from the ranch, but since then he has gone crazy. He has this..Desian Orb thing that can be used to move a rock, allowing entrance into the ranch."

"What do you want in return for that?" Genis asked.

"I want you to heal Pietro," she replied. "I'll give you the orb, but in return, you all must heal him."

"GROUP HUDDLE!" Lloyd shouted stupidly, as they began talking amongst themselves.

"We don't really have a choice," Sheena said. "We need to get into that ranch."

"Yes, but she's going to give us the orb first. That doesn't mean we have to heal him afterwards," Kratos added.

"But that would be so very MEAN!" Colette protested.

"Relax, Chosen," Kratos said. "It's all for the..um, greater good." He read off his hand. Before he had gone to the Martel Temple, Mithos had written down various things on his palm for him to say. So far, it was working.

"Okay," Colette sighed.

"It's a deal," Raine told the girl. "Give us the orb."

"Okay," the girl handed her the orb.

_Acquired Desian Orb._

"What do we do now?" Lloyd whispered to Kratos.

"Run, before they know we tricked her!"

They all sprinted out of Hima with their hands in the air, screaming like idiotic ninnies.

* * *

"Ha! Here we are at the ranch!" Lloyd exclaimed, as he and Professor Raine were standing next to a rock. "Hey, Professor, where's everyone else?" 

"I'm not positive," Raine replied, "but I'm pretty sure that it's since nobody else has a significant role to play here, the animators of the game were feeling lazy and decided not to put them in.

"I'm confused," Lloyd said, but shrugged and tried to push the rock. He shoved with all of his might, but it barely moved a centimeter.

"Let me give it a try," Sheena walked up to rock and placed both of her hands on it. Next, she pushed very hard and she moved it out of the way.

"How'd you do that?" Lloyd's mouth was open in shock.

"You've just got to have muscles," Sheena smirked at him, and everyone laughed at Lloyd. Genis laughed the hardest, but Lloyd shoved him to the ground facefirst.

* * *

"Okay, so how exactly are we going to do this?" Colette asked. 

"We're going to have to split into two groups," Raine explained. "Colette, since you're the Chosen, I think you should divide up the teams."

"Awww.." Colette said. "But I think Lloyd would do a much better job!"

"Fine then," Raine replied. "Lloyd give it a shot. You'll have to send three to deactivate whatever, and the other three to take down Kvar."

"Umm okay," Lloyd walked around looking at everyone. First off, he talked to Kratos.

"Lloyd, please take me to fight Kvar with you," he begged.

"Nope, sorry, not feelin' it," Lloyd walked away, when suddenly Kratos's sword leaped right under his chin. "OKAY YOU CAN COME WITH ME!"

Of course, Lloyd was going to need a healer for the boss battle, so he chose Raine to go with him.

Andthe two teams are:

**Infiltration Team: **Lloyd, Kratos, Raine

**Deactivation Team: **Colette, Genis, Sheena

"I don't want to choose again!" Lloyd complained. "We're going with THIS."

Okay, okay. Don't get your undies in a bundle, Lloyd.

"You can SHUT UP!" Sheesh.

* * *

"We get to deactivate stuff!" Colette was skipping along, and Genis was skipping next to her. Sheena was constantly sighing, and trying to point the two of them in the right direction.

"No..NO! You go THAT way!" Sheena screamed at them, and then they came up to an elevator. Colette pushed the button with her left thumb.

"NO!" Sheena yelled at her, just so she could yell. "You stupid Chosen! You're supposed to push the button with your RIGHT thumb! NOT YOUR LEFT!"

"Geez Sheena," Genis stared at her awkwardly. "I don't think it matters that much."

"And what the hell do YOU know, BRAT?" Sheena shouted at him.

It continued on like that for a long time, but eventually they got their job done.

* * *

Lloyd, Kratos, and Raine finally got to the warp that led to Kvar. But first, of course, they had to save their progress.

Lloyd grimaced when they stepped inside the white shiny circle. Genis wasn't even there to help him. But he closed his eyes, and saved his progress.

"I DID IT!" Lloyd exclaimed happily. "I CONQUERED MY FEARS!"

"Um..congratulations," Kratos replied. "But now we have to fight Kvar. Are you ready to do this Lloyd? As **father** and **son**?"

"What? What'd you say?"

"Umm..NOTHING!" Kratos said nervously. "You just interrupted me that's all..I was about to finish! I was saying go **bother** some**one** else!" See? It sort of rhymed. Clever Kratos.

* * *

"Hi!" Kvar waved happily as Lloyd, Raine, and Kratos walked in.

"What are you so happy about?" Raine asked.

"My new paperweight collection has gotten me so giddy!" he informed them. It was pretty creepy. "Since that fool Dorr died, Magnius sent me all of the paperweights that he was going to give him! Look - this one looks sort of like a bridge and this one-"

"Enough Kvar!" Kratos interuppted, while the other group warped in, but just sat down to watch the fight. I always wondered why at least one of them didn't come to help you. "Your game is up!"

**--Battle--**

"Hi-YA! Demon Fang!" Lloyd shouted, and did his usual hacking away with his twin blades.

"Sonic Thrust!" Kratos was doing the most damage, and unlike Lloyd, wasn't being completely reckless.

"First Aid!" Raine said after healing Lloyd for the umpteenth time. "Lloyd! Must you take so much damage?"

"Ha, I'm just taking one for the team!" Lloyd called over, and then got hit by another one of Kvar's annoying Lightning STEERIKE attacks.

Kratos sighed, and finished the Grand Cardinal off with a swing of his sword.

"Never wore their pants!" Kratos exclaimed stupidly.

**--End Battle--**

"Hey!" Lloyd shouted. "I'm supposed to say, 'Mom, you've been avenged!' or something!"

"Fine then," Kratos folded his arms. "Go ahead and say it. See if I care."

Lloyd make sure to get into a cool pose, and then said, in a dramatic voice, "Mom...you've been avENGed!"

Kratos shook his head. "You put emphasis on the wrong syllables. You fail at life." Lloyd frowned.

"I'm just glad that's over," Raine wiped some sweat off her forehead. "Whenever he said, 'Lightning Strike', I thought my ear drums were going to explode."

"We winned! We winned!" Genis and Colette cheered, while Sheena sighed deeply.

"Wait, wait!" Kratos suddenly shouted. "It's time for Lloyd andme to steal the show!" He beckoned for everyone to move out of the way, and when Genis didn't, he stabbed him in the foot.

"OWW!" Genis shrieked, and limped away from Kratos and Lloyd.

"Go ahead Lloyd," Kratos gestured, and the lights dimmed down. A spotlight came up on Kvar's nearly lifeless, but somehow still standing body.

"STAB!" Lloyd exclaimed, even though he did not need to exclaim it. He stuck his sword through Kvar.

"Feel the pain-"

"STAB!" Lloyd shouted again, stupidly. He put his hands in the air in excitement.

"-of those inferior beings"

"STAB! YIPPEE!"

"As you burn in hell," Kratos folded his arms again. Man, what a cool line.

"Time to blow this place up! Yippee!" Raine exclaimed.

What will they do next? Will they heal Pietro? Or will they completely ignore his need for help and just move on to the Tower of Salvation? Find out next chapter!

**End Chapter Twenty-One**


	23. Chapter Twenty Two: Tower of Mona Lisa

Uh..guest appearances..guest appearances. They'll continue at uh, Chapter Twenty-Five. So SO sorry. I'm really stupid.

Fast food obsession was supposed to start last chapter...dammit...well whatever. It's Kentucky Fried Chicken, obviously. Sorry for all of my horrendous errors. Without further ado, Chapter Twenty-Two!

Kratos: That rhyme sucked. You fail at life.

Me: Whatever...

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Tower of Mona Lisa **

"Where are we going next, Kratos?" Colette asked, as they skipped along easily killing ladybugs and all sorts of enemies.

"Well, taking into consideration the fact that we are not planning on healing Pietro," Kratos began, "then we should head toward the Tower of Mona Lisa, where the last seal should be.

"What about the unicorn horn?" Genis questioned curiously. "And Boltzman's healing technique. We're going to need it for-"

Lloyd kicked him in the shin. "What are you doing?" he hissed.

"Oh, sorry," Genis apologized, embarrassed. "To the Tower of Mona Lisa!"

"Yippee!" Raine cheered, and began to jump up and down like a little school girl.

* * *

"So this IS the Tower of Mona Lisa," Lloyd stared up and gaped at it's tallness. 

"Stupid boy," Kratos shook his head sadly. "You're still not putting emphasis on the right words." He sighed deeply. "Try again. And this time, don't sound like a complete idiot."

"Alright," Lloyd said. "So THIS is the Tower of Mona Lisa."

"Good," Kratos replied.

"Jawesome!" Raine exclaimed, and ran up to the door. She promptly broke it down and ran inside. She picked up about seven books and read out of each one of them.

"That's it," Genis sighed. "We've completely screwed the plot. What are you going to do now, Lloyd?"

"EAT MASHED POTATOEZ!" he shouted to the heavens, and pulled out a bag of good ol', greasy Kentucky Fried Chicken. He dug both of his hands into the mashed taters and shoved his hands into his mouth.

"Gross!" Colette shrieked, and backed away while Lloyd gobbled down the KFC.

Kratos shook his head for the second time in the chapter. "My son did not even learn manners from that fat, idiotic dwarf.."

"These books are the most interesting that I've ever read!" Raine's crazy theme began to play, like at the Asgard Ruins. "We simply MUST go further in!"

She ran over to the other door and was about to break it down, when Genis suddenly grabbed onto the back of her robes.

"Raine, NO!" he pleaded. "We've already messed with the story enough, we have to do at least something right."

Sheena, who just now appeared in Chapter 22, spoke up. "C'mon guys, let's see what this is for."

Lloyd, while eating chicken, walked over and stood on one of those circle things and the door opened. "Cool!" he said, and then stepped off. The door promptly closed. "OPEN! CLOSED! OPEN! CLOSED! OPEN! CLO-"

"LLOYD IRVING, STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" Professor Raine screamed and hit him over the head. Hard. "Do you have ANY idea how MAD I would be if you screwed this art museum?"

"Art museum?" said a very curious Mizuhoan. "What are you talking about?"

"This IS an art museum," Kratos informed them, making sure to put emphasis on the right syllables. "Why else do you think it would be called the Tower of Mona Lisa? It's filled with art!"

"But first, we have to split into groups," Genis told everyone. "So I guess Lloyd's picking AGAIN."

"Yippee!" Lloyd cheered. "Umm..I pick...Kratos, so he won't kill me, and...Genis! Yay Genis!"

"Yay Lloyd!" Genis said, and they both tried to sing We Are the Champions, but only Genis was able to sing it because of the Curse of the Purple Monster. So Lloyd mouthed the words.

"Oh, Mithos," Kratos groaned. "Why didn't you make Yuan do this job?" But he reluctantly went with them through the door.

* * *

So after they went up a huge winding staircase, solved a slightly annoying block puzzle involving light, they reached the saving point. And since I don't remember how this place goes, and since I was too lazy to play through it again, I'm going to say that they all met up and saved. 

"Haha!" Lloyd laughed, and pointed at the shiny white circle. "I'm not afraid of you anymore!"

The white circle shined very bright at Lloyd, as if to threaten him.

"YAH!" Lloyd shrieked in a high-pitched voice, and jumped back.

"Dirk..you damned dwarf," Kratos muttered under his breath, and saved their progress. They stood on the warp, and teleported to the top.

"Wow!" Colette exclaimed. "Look at all the pretty pictures!"

They saw DaVinci, Mondrian..and uh all those other artists.

"Look Professor!" Sheena called, but Raine had already seen it.

"Here it is!" Raine said with joy. "The Mona Lisa!" But before she could take a closer look, there was a huge flash of shining light and the battle suddenly began without any of them knowing what the boss was going to be.

**--Battle--**

But of course it was a very easy boss.

"Yah! Demon Fang! Haha! Eat it!" Lloyd shouted at the giant boss as he performed all of his Lloyd Techs. "Sonic Thrust! Sword Rain!"

"First Aid!" Raine healed Lloyd. "My gosh Lloyd, could you be any more stupid and reckless?

"Thanks for reminding me Professor!" Lloyd ran up right in front of the boss and did even more stupid and reckless things.

"Forget it," Raine sighed. "I'm not healing you!" She cast First Aid on Kratos, even though he didn't need it.

"NO! NO! SAVE ME!" Lloyd got attacked by the boss and died.

"Pyre Seal!" Sheena shouted, and was attacking with her little cards. How those actually damaged this huge monster, is beyond me.

"Take this! THUNDER BLADE!" Kratos shouted, and the sword of lightning came down and stabbed the monster killing it.

"Blame your mortgage rate!" Kratos violently sheathed his sword. I always wondered how he didn't end up stabbing someone.

**--End Battle--**

"Chosen One..offer your prayers at the Mona Lisa," came Remiel's really annoying and robotic voice.

"Okay," Colette said. "O Goddess Martel, give me presents!"

"Wow," said Genis. "I'm pretty sure that's not how it's supposed to go."

"It's not," Kratos sighed, as Remiel came floating down.

"Hey, Kratos," Remiel began. "You really missed one helluva party at Derris Kharlan last night, it was awesome! Yuan-"

Kratos made a slashing motion across his throat.

"Chosen of Refurnishing," Remile quickly recovered. "I suppose you want your wings, huh?"

"Oh yes!" Colette smiled. "Yes, Remiel, I really do!"

"That was a test, and you FAIL!" Remiel shouted.

"Nooo!" Colette began sobbing.

"Just kidding," Remiel replied. "But because you were selfish and wanted your wings, I'm going to take away your voice!"

"Nooo!" Colette repeated, as Remiel zapped her with a taser.

"Hahahaha!" Remiel laughed, and disappeared.

"..." was al Colette could say. She ran up and started moving her fingers wildly on Lloyd's hands.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, COLETTE!" Lloyd screamed, and pulled his hand away.

"..." Colette screamed.

"Wow, you gotta feel sorry for her," Sheena said sadly.

"I don't!" Lloyd shouted.

And for the third time in Chapter 22, Kratos Aurion shook his head.

**End Chapter Twenty-Two**

Uh, short chapter.

Kratos: Toldja you failed.

Shaddup. Uh, review and stuff!


	24. Chapter Twenty Three: Fixing the Plot

A new chapter! Hooray! Guest appearances come back in Chapter Twenty-Five, remember? Okay, just making sure. I suddenly realized that there was a flaw in my story...the plot. Okay, I can screw with it a lot..but I really don't want to have to make them get the unicorn horn like in Chapter Forty. So they're going to do it right now. And heal Pietro...(sigh).

Stop. CHAPTER TIME!

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Fixing the Plot!**

Colette had collapsed again, so they had to set up camp. Poor Chosen. I'm sobbing with grief.

"Colette? Why do you keep moving your finger on my hand?" Lloyd asked, very annoyed. "It's really getting old!"

"I would assume that she is trying to write letters on your hands," Kratos folded his arms superiorly, then sat down next to Noishe and closed his mouth.

"Guys, Ihavesumintosay," Sheena announced too fast that no one could understand.

"y0 (h1(k 1 94n7 und3r$74nd wh47 y0u $41d," Lloyd said. For those who are not fluent in 1337, he said "Yo chick, I can't understand what you said."

"Lloyd, you're stupid," Kratos shook his head. (1)

"Yeah, Lloyd, you're a leet tard," Genis laughed, but no one else did. His face turned bright red, and he quickly sat down, embarrassed.

"ANYWAY," Sheena continued, slightly annoyed by the interruption. "I said that I had something to tell you all."

"What?" Raineraised an eyebrow. "Were you going to tell us that you were from Tethe'alla?"

"Uh, um yeah," Sheena stammered. "How'd you know?"

"Psh," Raine said. "Completely obvious."

"Y34h," Lloyd added.

"This isn't the Internet," Kratos shook his head again. (2)

"And," Sheena said. "If you all break the seals here in Sylvarant, and regenerate the world, then Tethe'alla is ruined."

Colette walked over to Lloyd's hand and started writing letters. Very annoying. "Colette says...I...don't...care...about...the...stupid...moon."

"It's not the moon!" Sheena yelled angrily. "It's another world that lies entwined to Sylvarant, except the two worlds can't see each other. It may turn out that I'll have to kill you after all."

"SHEENA!" Genis gasped.

"If...that...happens," Lloyd translated. "I...may...fight...back...because...I...love...Sylvarant...and...I...think...you're...a...COLETTE!"

Colette grinned sheepishly.

"But why does Colette regenerating the world have anything to do with Tethe'alla?" Genis asked curiously.

"Because the two worlds vie for a supply of mana," Sheena answered. "Right now Tethe'alla is the flourishing world. If Sylvarant is regenerated and gets the mana, then Tethe'alla becomes just like this crap pile."

"Colette's writing again!" Lloyd announced. "Take...that...back."

"Forget it," Raine said. "So..there's no way for both of the worlds to be flourishing."

"OF COURSE THERE IS!" Lloyd shouted hopefully. "I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT THERE ISN'T A HAPPY ENDING."

"Whatever," Sheena replied. "Anyway, what do we do now?"

"The only thing we can do right now," Kratos stood up. "Is go to the Tower of Slavation and break the final seal. There is nothing we can do about Tethe'alla right now."

"Wait!" Genis butted in. "We have to fix the plot first!"

"Why?" Raine asked.

"Well..first of all, we haven't saved Pietro," Genis began to say.

"So what?" Lloyd laughed. "He got what was coming to him."

Kratos shook his head sadly. (3)

"But," Genis continued. "If we don't save him, then we can't rebuild Luin. If we don't save him, then we won't form a pact with Undine. If we don't make the pact with Undine, we won't get the unicorn horn. If we don't get the unicorn horn, then we can't save Colette. If we don't save Colette-"

"ALRIGHT I GET IT!" Lloyd screamed. "We'll go make the stupid pact with Undine and get the unicorn horn and heal Pietro. Happy?"

"But..Boltzman's Healing Technique!" Genis protested.

"IT'S GOOD ENOUGH!" Lloyd shouted, and everyone agreed. Genis sighed, and they all went to sleep.

* * *

"How do we make the pact with Undine?" Raine asked the next morning. 

"I'm a summoner..." Sheena told them all sadly. "I can form a pact."

Next came a really annoying and stupid screechy high pitched voice. "YOU CAN DO IT SHEENA! I HAVE FAITH IN YOU! YOU CAN DO IT! HEY! LOOK LISTEN! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY-"

"Alright!" Sheena shouted down at Corrine. Suddenly a green clad warrior ran over to their campsite.

"Navi!" Link exclaimed and looked around wildly. "I thought I heard her! I guess not...bye."

"Was that...MARIO?" Lloyd asked in wonder.

Kratos shook his head. (4) "Stupid boy. That was Link, the Hero of Time. He is not of this world."

"So...he's from Tethe'alla?"

"No."

Lloyd's brain suddenly busted. Not that it was working right in the first place.

"So, where do we go to find Undine?" Sheena questioned. "Thoda Geyser, right?"

"That's the place," Raine replied, and after some traveling in Kratos's H3, they made it to Thoda Dock.

"Ooohh.." Raine moaned. "I hope we can take the ferry again." Genis quickly hid behind Kratos just in case Raine needed an outlet for her anger.

"Sorry, Ms," said the lady inside the House of Salvation with a scanner. Let's name her...Kathy. "The ferry just departed. You're going to have to take the washtubs."

"Oh no.." Raine groaned and looked around for Genis. Since he was hiding behind Kratos, all she could see was Lloyd. "YOU'RE GONNA DIE LLOYD!" She screamed and beat him over the head with her club. Sneaky Genis.

So, after much griping from Raine, they finally to Thoda Geyser in the washtubs. Once they were inside the geyser, the went up to the save circle.

"Oh no.." Lloyd muttered to himself. "It's dark..what if it pulls a fast one on me?" He quickly glanced over at Kratos to see that Genis was already behind him. "NOO!" he shouted.

Lloyd had to be dragged onto the save circle and Kratos had to put him in a full-nelson, for enough time to save their progress.

"Honestly," Kratos shook his head.(5) "Go make the pact, Sheena."

"Of course," she said. "I am Sheena. I desire a pact with Undine."

Undine flashed in. "I am one who is bound to Mithos." Undine looked over and spotted Kratos. "Haven't I seen you befor-"

Kratos made the familiar slashing motion across his throat, in desperation.

"Err..I mean, I already have a pact and stuff," Undine quickly recovered. Kratos sighed in relief.

"What am I supposed to do?" Sheena hissed.

"It could be that the pact-maker has broken his vow," Kratos told them. "Or he is no longer living. But it's probably the first one. Er, I mean it could be either one of him."

"Do ya think it's Mithos the Hero?" Lloyd asked curiously.

"OF COURSE NOT!" Kratos shouted loudly.

"Err.." Sheena stammered. "I'll give it a try. I am Sheena. I ask that thou annulst thy pact with Mithos and establish a new pact with me...please?" She did the old Bambi eyes trick.

"Okay," Undine agreed. "But only because of the Bambi eyes. I shall test thy worthiness as a pact maker!"

"Uh oh.." Lloyd said, as the battle music came up. The cool summon spirit music.

**--Battle--**

Kratos began by charging up the good ol' Thunder Blade. "Take this! Thunder Blade!" Stab!

"Spreeead!" Undine shouted in a very annoying voice. But not as annoying as Kvar. Never. Lloyd and Sheena were trying to hold her off with physical attacks, while Genis was in the back casting magic spells.

"Aqua Edge!" Genis shouted.

"Genis, you idiot!" Kratos yelled. "What are you doing?"

"Sorry.." Genis apologized in a small voice, and casted Lightning to make up for it.

Eventually, Kratos ran up and attacked with his sword, and the battle was over.

"I am impressed."

**--End Battle--**

"Even more impressed than Sheena's Bambi eyes," Undine finished. "Anyway, state your vow."

"Right now," Sheena started. "There are people suffering. I vow to save those people." She hesitated, and then in a very small voice: "andkillColette."

"What was that last part?"

"Never mind."

"Very well then," she disappeared.

**Sheena learned S Seal: Water.**

**Sheena learned Summon: Water.**

**Sheena earned of the title of Chosen Hater.**

"Now we can go get the unicorn's horn!" Lloyd exclaimed, and Colette walked over to write on Lloyd's hand. "And...save...Pietro. But...mostly...me."

* * *

"Hang on there!" Kratos yanked on the collar of Lloyd's shirt. "The unicorn can only be approached by a fair maiden."

"Then send Genis," Lloyd laughed, and Genis kicked him hard in the gut. He fell to the ground and groaned.

"Just send Sheena and Colette," Raine sighed, and then Sheena began to summon Undine.

"I call upon the maiden of the mist! Come, Undine!" Sheena summoned, and she and Colette floated over to the unicorn, as it suddenly came to life from the bottom of Lake Umacy. Plot hole.

"Can we have your horn?" Sheena asked, but before they could answer, Colette yanked it off. "COLETTE!"

_It is okay, Sheena. I will die, and then be reborn, and you shall recieve a charming gift basket. As for you Colette, I will hunt you down to the ends of the earth._

The unicorn disappeared, then Sheena and Colette returned to the shore. Colette was looking a little shaken.

"What happened Colette?" Lloyd asked. "None...of...your...buisness...jackass. Colette, that's very hurtful." She shrugged and walked away.

"Okay," Genis said. "To the Tower of Salvation!"

Kratos shook his head. (6)

"Umm.." Genis thought. "To Hima?" Kratos nodded.

"To Hima! Then the Tower of Salvation!"

**End Chapter Twenty-Three**

The plot is fixed...I'm still planning on messing with it even more. Hehehe...review.


	25. Chapter Twenty Four: Get Down Tonight!

Wow..longest chapter yet. Anyway, one of my favorite secnes, hope you enjoy!

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Get Down Tonight!**

"Well," Lloyd said as he walked into the Hima inn. "We're actually going to heal him."

"Of...course...we...are...Lloyd...that...would...be...mean...not...to," he read off his hand. "So? Who cares about stupid Pietro?"

"Yeah," Genis added. "Weended up not needing the stupid orb." Lloyd began talking about random stuff before anyone could discuss what happened there.

"You know guys? I love KFC. Does anyone else love KFC? I love KFC!" Lloyd began ranting.

"Isn't Pietro upstairs?" Sheena asked, curious why they were hanging around down on the first floor.

"Yes," Kratos answered. "I would assume thatthe author just put this all in to add a little more to the chapter."

"What a cheapskate," it was Raine's turn to shake her head, as they all walked upstairs to see Pietro and..Sophia! Yes, Sophia.

"You came back?" Sophia looked extrememly relieved, but walked over and smacked Kratos in the face. "Shame on you for almost abandoning Pietro!"

Kratos unsheathed his sword and raised it into the air.

"Stop...Kratos..." Colette wrote on Lloyd's hand. "Wait... on... second... thought...don't...stop...him..." I guess Colette didn't like Sophia.

Kratos brought his sword down on Sophia's head, and she screamed and fell to the ground.

"So..Sophia..die..die..DEAD. She dead. DIED. Dead," Pietro began ranting to himself. "Stabbed, died, DEAD."

"What the hell is he talking about?" said a confused Sheena.

"I don't know," Raine commented. "But maybe if I heal him, he'll shut up. Resurrection!"

Pietro's skin glowed as he slowly got up. "Where thehell am I? Who are you people? Who am I?"

"You're Pietro," Kratos explained. "You're an idiot in Hima, and you're feeling really guilty right now."

"Huh?" Pietro inquired.

"You're going to go to Luin..because you're the dumbass that got it destroyed. Next, Lloyd and his friends are going to come to Luin, and YOU'RE going to make them pay a fortune to fix it, even though it was your fault," Kratos informed him.

"Sounds like a plan," Pietro ran out of the house and headed for Luin.

"Where do we go now?" Lloyd asked.

"Top of the hill," Kratos coughed. "Ride..cough, dragons, to the cough Tower of Salvation."

"I got it!" Genis exclaimed. "We can ride dragons to the Tower of Salvation."

"Yes," Raine said. "I remember once when I was here on a ruin expedition there was a man who sold dragon rides."

"But...we...will...get...it...for...free...right?" Lloyd said for Colette. "I...am...the Chosen...and...he...shall...not...charge...us...or...else. Good idea, Colette!"

"We will spend the day here," Raine told them. "Don't leave the village though."

* * *

While Lloyd was in the can, everyone except Colette gathered around for a conversation. 

"Guys," Kratos whispered. "We're going to make Lloyd feel guilty for no reason whatsoever about Colette becoming an angel."

"Sounds like a plan," Raine agreed, and they walked over to various places around the village.

* * *

Lloyd walked around Hima, talking to everyone. 

"Hi Genis!"

"Lloyd, you're really stupid. You're going to let Colette become an angel and you said you would protect her. THAT'S not protecting her."

"Uhh.." Lloyd stammered and ran away guiltily. "Hi Sheena."

"Lloyd, you know that Tethealla is going to be screwed," Sheena told him. "And it's mostly your fault."

"Uhh.." Lloyd ran away again. "Hi Professor Sage."

"This is Colette's last night on EARTH," Raine said dramatically and scary. "And it's ALL your fault. You may never see her again."

"Uhh.." Lloyd repeated and ran over to Kratos. "...Hi Kratos."

"Lloyd," Kratos said. "The Chosen is going to give up her humanity tomorrow. Is that what you want?"

"Well..no," Lloyd answered. "That was never what I wanted."

"Stupid boy," Kratos shook his head. "You were the one who was clinging to the Chosen." Next, he said in a very high pitched voice: "'We have the Chosen on our side who will regenerate the world. Pass the KFC.'"

"I DO NOT SOUND LIKE THAT!" Lloyd protested.

"Quiet!" Kratos demanded, and Lloyd backed up. "Lloyd. Don't make a mistake."

"Can't I just...der...do it over again?" Lloyd asked stupidly.

"Hmph," Kratos pondered. "Well, if it's something that you can do over again, feel free. If it's not, tough shit."

Lloyd shuddered and went to the top of the hill to talk to Colette.

"Lloyd...what...are...you...doing...here?" Lloyd read off his hand. "Well I wanted to talk to you..but I have no idea why I wanted to do that. Good night, Colette." Smooth, Lloyd. Very smooth.

* * *

Lloyd woke up early to see Kratos walking outside. 

"I better follow him silently," Lloyd whispered to himself. As he was tiptoeing, he tripped over Genis and fell into a dresser. The dresser collapsed onto a desk and the desk broke in half.

Lloyd ran out of the inn as fast as he could, and saw Kratos talking to Noishe.

"Noishe," Kratos whispered. "You're going to have to protect Lloyd for me. He apparently can't zip up his own pants." Noishe whined in response.

"What?" Lloyd shouted and ran out from his hiding spot, when Yuan suddenly appeared out of nowhere and prepared a shock attack. "KRATOS LOOK OUT!"

"Shit!" Yuan cursed as Kratos stabbed him in the stomach. He promptly disappeared, as his ring fell to the ground.

"Who was that?" Lloyd asked curiously.

"Yua- uh, you and I don't know," Kratos quickly recovered. "Lloyd."

"Yeah?"

"Don't die."

"What?"

"Don't worry about it." He walked back to the inn.

"My brain hurts.." Lloyd complained to some random guy.

"That's great, kid."

* * *

"There's three dragons," Raine told them as they all got up to the top of Hima. "So there will be two to each dragon." 

"I will ride on the same dragon as the Chosen," Kratos announced. "Protecting her...is my job."

"**_I _**am riding with Colette," Lloyd insisted.

"No, **_I _**am," Kratos shot back.

"No, ME!" Lloyd jumped on a dragon and pulled Colette up behind him. Before the dragon took off, Kratos pulled out his wings, grabbed Colette, and flew off toward the Tower of Salvation.

"Well, there's something you don't see every day," Sheena gaped.

"Lloyd, whose dragon are you going to ride on?" Genis asked.

"Uhhh..." Three options came up before Lloyd.

I think Genis.  
I think Sheena.  
I think the Professor.

"Uhh.." Lloyd stared at the dragons, and all three were still there because Kratos had taken off. "Since Kratos and Colette are gone we can each have our own!"

"Moron," Professor Raine shook her head. "There are four of us, and three dragons."

"What's your point?"

Genis sighed deeply. "The point is there aren't enough dragons, smart one!"

"Shut up," Lloyd commanded. "How about Sheena and I ride on one, and you and the Professor can ride on one?"

Sheena shrugged. "It's okay with me." They hopped on the dragons and flew off for the Tower of Salvation.

* * *

"Where's Kratos?" Lloyd immediately asked once they saw Colette praying before the final seal. 

"Never mind," Raine said. "She's releasing the last seal."

Remiel came floating down, laughing maniacally. Once he saw that Lloyd, Sheena, Genis, and Raine had come too, he promptly stopped to avoid suspicions. "Uhh.." he stammered. "Chosen. You are finally ready to become an angel."

"No!" Lloyd protested. "I won't let her!"

"You would choose the soul of the Chosen, one individual, over the entire world?" Remiel laughed.

"Uhh..guess not," Lloyd snacked on some KFC. "Continue."

"This is my favorite part of the job!" Remiel exclaimed, and zapped Colette. Lloyd tried to run up, but Genis held him back.

"Lloyd, no!" Genis said. "You can't! We have to save the world!"

"Screw the world!" Lloyd elbowed Genis in the stomach and jumped up by Remiel and Colette.

_Lloyd?_

"Colette!"

_Oh, I'm so happy that you can hear me at the very end. I guess this is goodbye. You care about me a lot, don't you? And you're sad I'm leaving?_

"Well..not exactly. You're not going to eat your KFC anymore, so more for me!"

_Jerk. _Colette floated up and her eyes turned purple and lifeless.

**Colette learned Sacrifice.**

Wow, good job Namco. Hehe, just kidding. But seriously, if she learns a new ability, you know that Colette isn't going to die and that she's coming back. Well, whatever.

"Foolish inferior beings," Remiel looked down with a smug smile. "She's going to sacrifice her life to revive Martel."

"Please, could you save Tethe'alla?" Sheena begged.

"You're not supposed to know about that," Remiel frowned.

"Please! You're her father!" Genis added.

"Hahaha. Don't make me laugh."

"You already laughed," Lloyd pointed out.

"QUIET!" Remiel demanded. "You idiot humans started calling me that on your own. Cruxis only wishes to sacrifice the Chosen to revive Martel."

"Cruxis, the Church of Martel, it's all one big lie, isn't it?" Lloyd shouted.

"I'm not teeelling," Remiel said in a sing-song voice.

"That's it!" Lloyd and the others jumped up. "You're going down!"

**--Battle--**

"There is no way you could possibly defe-"

Lloyd tripped on a rock and fell on Remiel. The angel tripped and fell off the Tower of Salvation. They heard him hit the ground with a huge thud.

"Wow," Raine said. "That was fortunate."

"Why didn't he just fly?" Genis asked curiously.

"What an idiot," Sheena laughed.

**--End Battle--**

"We did it! We did it!" Lloyd and Genis cheered, until they realized that Colette was 99 lifeless.

"Did you really?"

"Kratos!" Lloyd said with distaste, as he looked over to see him in his Cruxis costume. "You're part of Cruxis, too? You betrayed us!"

"I was never on your side," Kratos told him, and pulled out his sword.

**--Battle--**

"You earnestly think you can defeat me?"

"HELL YEA!" Lloyd pulled out his twin blades and charged at Kratos.

"Grave!" Kratos shouted, and impaled all of them at once. "You cannot oppose fate."

**--End Battle--**

Suddenly Yggdrasill appeared in the room with a bright show of lights.

"Let's get this party started!" he exclaimed, and raised the roof. Creepy.

"Not again.." Sheena groaned.

**--Battle--**

"Outburst!" Yggdrasill shouted, and they all died. For the second time.

**--End Battle--**

Now, that the third short battle is over, it's time for buisness.

"Yay!" Yggdrasill cheered. Yay? "I am Yggdrasill, leader of Cruxis and the Desians." He pulled out the Eternal Sword and hit Lloyd with it. Lloyd flew over and broke a pillar.

"Time to finish you off! Yay!" Yggdrasill said. "Kratos, I trust you have no objections."

"Yay!" STOP WITH THE YAY. "Okay." He was about to zap them, when the Renegades suddenly came in, and the cool music played. Botta and the Renegades grabbed them, and they quickly teleported.

"Damn!" Yggdrasill swore. "Why can't my theme be that catchy? Still, it is of no consequence. Kratos, let us get down tonight." The lights dimmed and the disco ball came down.

While Yggdrasill was...uh..."getting down tonight", Kratos was off to the side. "Hmph, saved bythe Renegades. Don't die Lloyd."

**End Chapter Twenty-Four**

Hehe..well, it's over. Yggdrasill is creepy...

Yuan: Yeah, and I'm in the next chapter!

Review!


	26. Chapter Twenty Five: Not Desians?

Renegade Base! ThenMeltokio!I don't own anything...

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Not Desians?**

The even catchier Renegade music began to play, as Lloyd awoke.

"Where are we?" Lloyd asked, as he rubbed his swollen head. "Oh great. Colette's still like that."

"Yes," Raine answered. "We're in Triet Desert. This is the base where you were captured before."

"We were saved by Desians?" Lloyd jumped up in shock.

"No," Genis shook his head. "We were saved by the Renegades, who look a lot like that Desians, but aren't Desians."

"So they're not Desians?"

"No."

"Not Desians?"

"NO."

"...Really?"

"NO LLOYD!" Sheena shouted. "How many times do we have to tell you that?"

"Uhh..I don't know," Lloyd said. "But they're not Desians, right?"

"Right," Raine sighed. Suddenly a Renegade walked intothe room.

"DESIAN SCUM! DIE!" Lloyd charged at full speeds with his twin blades.

"No Lloyd!' Genis grabbed his arm and stopped him. "That's a Renegade."

"..." Lloyd thought for a moment. "Not a Desian?" Raine took her staff and hit him over the head. He blacked out and crumpled to the ground.

"Uhh.." the Renegade stammered. "Lord Yuan has summoned you to his office." They all followed the Desian look-a-like into Yuan's office, as Lloyd got up.

"Why did you save us?" Raine asked.

"We don't want the Chosen to refurnish the world," Yuan told them. "I am Yuan, leader of the Renegades. We are a secret organization that opposes Cruxis and the Desians. Our goal is to stop Martel from being revived."

"Why don't you want Cruxis to revive her?" Lloyd questioned curiously.

"NONE YA!" Yuan screamed and pulled out his weapon. "Er, I mean, that is none of your concern. But we wouldn't dare touch the Chosen the way she is now."

"Yeah," Botta added for no reason at all.

"That Yggdrasill guy...who is he exactly?" Lloyd inquired, even though Yggdrasill had already told them. Namco, love ya,but this part of the game is slightly annoying. "What was with that sword he hit me with?"

Yuan ignored the second question, and answered the first. "Yggdrasill is the leader of Cruxis and the Desians. He was the one that created this twisted world."

"What?" Lloyd gaped in shock. "No one could possibly create a world." Except God.

"There's no way!" Genis threw in.

Yuan sighed. "The Eternal Sword is what makes the impos-" Botta shook his head.Quickly, Yuanpulleda script from out of hiscloak pocket."Er, I mean, if that's what you believe, that our conversation ends here." He turned around and took a few steps.

"Wait! Why did you capture us? You could have just killed Colette and let us die," Lloyd said.

Yuan smiled. "You're not as stupid as you look. We no longer need the Chosen. What we need, is you, Lloyd Irving."

"What? Me? Why the hell do you need me?" Lloyd began asking questions as some armed Renegades ran into the room and surrounded them.

"That is none of your concern," Yuan replied, and walked up to him. Lloyd did a little jig with his feet, but he didn't hit Yuan at all.

"Heh," Yuan laughed, and smirked at Lloyd. "Was that supposed to- AHH!" Suddenly, for no reason at all, Yuan's wound from Hima just opened up for the hell of it.

"What?" Botta ran up. "There's no way- no, it's his wound from Hima."

Lloyd gasped out loud. Yuan frowned, thinking that Lloyd had figured it out. "You must have disguised yourself as the dragon salesman at Hima!" Or not.

"Oh no, you've figured me out," Yuan said, trying to not laugh.

"C'mon, Lloyd!" Sheena called as the others ran away. Lloyd followed them, while Sheena summoned Corrine to hold them off.

"Kratos was never that dumb," Yuan commented. Botta nodded in agreement.

* * *

"Okay, let's sum up everything we know about the current situation," Raine said, as they all gathered 'round. Except for Colette, of course, because she was barely alive. 

"Right," Genis replied. "Yggdrasill split the world in half, making Sylvarant and Tethe'alla, and he is the leader of Cruxis and the Desians. Cruxis owns the Church of Martel."

"Hmm...they must have started Wal-Mart and Sam's Club too," Lloyd said thoughtfully.

"WHAT?" everyone except Colette screamed.

"Well, Wal-Mart makes some big money, right?" Lloyd explained. "That's how they afford all that magitechnology crap."

"Sam Walton started it, you moron!" Sheena shot back. "Anyway, guys, I got here on this flying craft calleda Rheaird. The Renegades were the ones that gave me that, and my Exsphere."

"Makes sense," Lloyd tried to act smart, even though he had no idea what Sheena said.

"Okay," Raine began to consider possible plans. "What should we do?"

"Let's go to that Tethewhatsit place," Lloyd said.

"Tethe'alla?" Genis gaped. "Why would we want to go there?"

"Lloyd's actually got a point," Raine told them, even though Lloyd had no idea what he was talking about. "It's the flourishing world, so maybe they have to cure to save Colette."

"You mean that blonde haired girl that follows us around all the time?" Lloyd asked curiously.

"Yes," Raine answered sadly. "That would be her. So, Sheena, could you show us where the Rheairds are?"

"I could try," Sheena replied. "I've never been to this base, but I bet it's a lot like the Flanoir one."

So they ran off to solve some weird puzzles involving changing the Sorcerer's Ring and moving blocks, and zapping stuff, until they finally got to where the Rheairds were.

"Hooligans! Rascals!" Botta shouted, as he and Yuan ran up behind them, panting.

"Hurry, let's get out of here!" Lloyd jumped on the Rheaird. "Tethemehblahblah, here we come!" He took off into the air and...uh, somehow went to Tethe'alla.

* * *

"Woah! That's the first time I've ever travelled between two worlds before!" Lloyd announced. 

"Uhh.." Genis rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure it's the first time for most of us, Lloyd."

"Lloyd," Sheena called over. "You're going to have to keep an eye on the gas guage."

"Why?"

"Because if it's empty, then we're going to crash," Raine explained.

"Okay," Lloyd looked at the gas guage to see that it was on E. "Uhh..we've got **E**nough, guys! We've got enough!"

"That's good to know," Genis sighed in relief, when suddenly the Rheairds began to smoke. "We're out of fuel!"

"We're gonna fall!" Sheena screamed as they crashlanded on the Fooji Mountains.

* * *

"Lloyd!" Raine screamed. "You said we had enough!" 

"I thought we did!" he shot back. "It was on E, for enough!"

"E stands for empty, not enough, you idiot!" Sheena shouted. "What did you think F stood for?"

"**F**uel is gone," Lloyd smiled smartly. Everyone sighed, as they began to walk down the Fooji Mountains.

"Sheena, why did we run out of fuel?" Raine asked curiously, as they got close to the bottom of the mountains.

"It must have been because you guys and Colette," Sheena looked at the lifeless Chosen, "broke the seals in Sylvarant. My guess would be that Tethe'alla has not started declining yet, but has lost some of its mana."

"Sucks for you," Lloyd laughed.

"Lloyd, you're such an idiot," Genis shook his head. "Sylvarant is still the declining world. They're still much better off than we are."

"Shut up, Genis," Lloyd frowned. "Where are we going anyway?"

"Meltokio would be my guess" was Sheena's response. "You guys can ask His Majesty if they would be willing to save Colette."

They walked through the field for a little more, until Sheena began talking with Lloyd.

"Lloyd, you seemed to handle yourself pretty well against Kratos," Sheena lied.

"Are you kidding?" Lloyd said angrily. "He kicked my ass."

"...True," Sheena admitted. "I can't believe he was a double-crosser all along."

"St00pid Cruxis," Lloyd muttered under his breath, until he walked right into a brick wall. Everyone except Sheena gasped out loud, theyhad reached Meltokio.

"Holy snot!" Lloyd shouted. "This place is amazing!" Apuppy walked over to Colette and barked happily. The blonde Chosen emotionlessly pulled out a flamethrower and torched it completely.

"High five!" Rodyle walked over and slapped Colette's hand. Then he randomly walked away.

"...That was weird," Sheena commented. "Anyway, I'm going to go, guys. Here, take this letter to the King, and tell him it's from Sheena of Mizuho. I'll see you guys...someday." She disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Woah!" camea male voice.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey! Watch it!" came the most annoying female voice on earth.Er, in the two worlds.And I seriously didn't exaggerate the 'hey' that much. Apparently Colette had bumped into Zelos, and that annoying girl was all pissed.

"Look at the nerve of this hag!" the annoying girl said. "She's dressed up like an angel."

"Well, just look at what you're wearing," Lloyd shot back, and the girl began to cry.

"Come, now," Zelos said. "I am Zelos, the beautiful Chosen of Tethe'alla. Who exactly are YOU people?"

"Raine."

"Lloyd."

"Genis. AND DON'T BUMP INTO COLETTE AGAIN."

"Calm down," Zelos glared. "Anyway, setting aside the two servant boys, you're the gorgeous Raine..and this little cutie here would be Colette." He grabbed for her hand, when Colette suddenly threw him through five brick walls.

"Oww.." Zelos groaned. "You sure are strong, my little angel. Anyway, see you cute girls later! And you other people.." He walked away with those annoying girls.

"What an ass," Genis laughed. "He got beaten up by Colette."

"Language, bitch," Lloyd smirked.

"Uhh..Lloyd," Raine said. "That kind of defeats the purpose." She smacked both of them over the head.

"Oww.." Lloyd said in pain. "To the castle!"

**End Chapter Twenty-Five**

No animals were harmed or torched in the writing of this chapter. Review!


	27. Chapter Twenty Six: Little Miss Outgoing

Geez, this story is getting long. Time to cram! Of course, I don't want to ruin the story by cramming.

Stupid excess chapters..and I'm planning to do some side quests too..

Ugh. Anyway, I've screwed Presea's character..a lot. Hehe, now you're curious.

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Little Miss Outgoing**

"LET US IN! LET US IN!" Lloyd shouted, as he tried to get past the guards in front of the entrance to the castle. "IT'S IMPORTANT!"

"Lloyd.." Professor Raine sighed deeply.

"No," the guard replied gruffly. "I already told you, His Majesty is sick, and refuses to see anyone. Have a nice day."

"GAH!" Lloyd was about ready to draw his swords. "I'M GONNA KIL- er...I mean, how foolish of me to feel so angry at you. Have an enjoyable afternoon." The guards looked confused, as Lloyd turned around and took a few steps away. Immediately, he did a backflip and tried to knock the guards over.

"LETTTT MEEE INNN!" Lloyd screamed, but one of the guards drilled him in the head with the blunt end of his spear, and he blacked out.

"Shift's up," another guard walked up, and the other two walked away.

* * *

"Oww," Lloyd stood up and held his head. "That hurt...what are we going to do!" 

"Hiya everybody! My name's PRESEA!" said a small pink haired girl, dragging a huge piece of wood. "What's YOURS?"

"She's rather...hyper," Professor Raine commented. "Where are you going with that wood?"

"Oh, ME?" Presea said stupidly as Genis drooled all over the ground. "I'm taking this wood to the CASTLE! Fun, huh?"

"Uhh..we could help!" Genis blurted out. "C'mon Lloyd!"

"Okey-DOKEY!" Presea exclaimed happily. "This is the best day EVER!"

"Hehe, looks light," Lloyd stated, as he and Genis tried to pick it up. "Oh my g- this thing is HEAVY. What is it, made out of metal on the inside?"

"Actually," Presea replied. "It's made out of FLUFFY PILLOWS!" She grabbed the handle and continued dragging it toward the castle.

"HAHAHA!" Raine laughed at the two boys. "It's made out of PILLOWS and you can't carry it! Hahaha!" Lloyd punched Raine in the face as she crumpled to the ground.

"Okay, on the list of things that are okay," Genis said. "That was definitely NOT okay."

"Shit, shit, SHIT!" Lloyd swore. "What am I supposed to do?"

"RUN!" The two of them, Colette following, ran over to the castle up to the guards.

"Why are there others than Presea?" the guard asked.

"Today is SPECIAL! The SPECIALEST DAY EVER!" Presea shouted into the guard's face.

"Alright, alright, you can go," the guard answered, somewhat annoyed.

A few minutes later, a very angry half-elf professor walked up to the castle doors. When the guard attempted to stop her, she gave him a kick to the head, and he fell to the ground.

* * *

"Here's the letter," Lloyd told the King, when they had gotten inside the castle. "It's from Sheena of Mizuho." 

"Travelers from Sylvarant," the King started. "You shall be escorted to the Crimson Chamber. Chosen, you stay here with me." Zelos blew the girls a kiss, as the Papal Knights took them to the room.

A servant walked into the room. "What would you like, Sir?" she asked Lloyd kindly.

"I WOULD LIKE A Diet Dr. Pepper PLEASE!" Lloyd screamed.

"I will go get that," she informed him, and left the room.

"Lloyd...guess what?" Genis called over from the couch, trying to hold in the laughter.

"What?"

"It's hot in TOPEKA."

"WHAT?" Lloyd repeated.

"Never mind." Just then Raine walked into the room frowning. Lloyd quickly kneeled down on the ground in front of her.

"I'll let you get away with it this time, but next time...you're dead," Raine threatened, as Lloyd whimpered loudly.

Just then, the Pope and Zelos walked into the room.

"Yo," Zelos greeted, but no one acknowledged it. He frowned. "You guys can search Tethe'alla for a cure as long as I can keep tabs on you. Meet me in the Martel Church."

Before they could go down to the chapel, the author, using his super author powers, deemed it completely unnecessary for them to go down to the church.

"Or we could just head out now," Zelos suddenly changed his mind.

"What about Presea?" Genis spoke up. "It's not fair to keep dragging her around."

"Where do you live?" Zelos asked.

"OZETTE IT'S THIS COOL TOWN IN THE FOREST AND-"

"That village out in the boondo- er, I mean in the shi- er, in the forest?" Zelos corrected himself. "Yeah, I guess we could go there. First we have to cross the Grand Tethe'alla Bridge."

"Sounds good to me," Lloyd said, and everyone agreed.

**Zelos joined the party.**

They reached their destination, and Lloyd immediately wet himself. "That bridge...is HUGE." He gaped in awe.

"YEAH IT'S REALLY BIG!" Presea exclaimed.

"I bet you guys use washtubs in Sylvarant," Zelos laughed. Everyone immediately frowned, except Colette, who was just...there.

So after they crossed the bridge, they walked a little further until the reached the city of Sybak.

"Woo-hoo!" Raine cheered, and began running around, looking at everything in the shops, and stuffing several artifacts in her robe pockets.

"Isn't that stealing?" Genis whispered to Lloyd.

"It's BORROWING," Lloyd smiled stupidly.

"That line is seriously cliched," Genis said.

"Anyway," Zelos said, looking at Genis like he was the stupidest kid ever. "We should probably go to the Imperial Research Academy. They have people who can tell you what's wrong with Colette."

They headed to the Imperial Research Academy, where some NPC told them that Colette was most likely suffering from the Cruxis Crystal.

"The only way to fix it, is by using a Key Crest," the nerdy NPC explained.

"Where are we going to find a Key Crest?" Lloyd complained. "I bet we'll never find- oh look! There's one!" He ran over to the bazaar and attempted to steal it.

"HEY! Give that back!" Kathy shouted.

"What?" Genis looked puzzled. "Isn't your name Kathy? You're the girl who works at Thoda Dock!"

"Maybe I am..." she smiled mischeviously. "That piece of garbage? You can have it. See you around." She disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"What the-" Lloyd blinked twice. "Oh well, now we have the Key Crest. I'll go fix it up back at the Imperial Research Academy." And fix it he did.

"Okay, Colette, here's your birthday present," Lloyd put the Key Crest on her Cruxis Crystal. "There's no cake, and no ice cream. Happy birthday." He grinned evilly, as everyone frowned.

The Cruxis Crystal shined, and Colette remained absolutely emotionless.

"Wow, that really sucked, Lloyd," Zelos laughed.

"Grrr.." Lloyd growled under his breath.

"Let's go to Sylvarant on the Rheairds and see Dirk," Raine told everyone, and Zelos was too busy staring at a female student to tell them that there was Altessa.

Zelos suddenly took his eyes off the girl. "But I can't let you guys go to Sylvarant." He still didn't tell them about Altessa. What a genius.

"BUT I WANNA GO TO SYLVARANT!" Presea screamed. Didn't she want to go to Ozette...? Ah, whatever. "Plleeeeeeaaassseee!" Presea used the Bambi eyes.

"Oh fine," Zelos gave in. "What choice do I have when you give me the Bambi eyes?" Suddenly the Papal Knights ran in and started ranting about how Zelos was a traitor.

"CHECK FOR HALF-ELVES!" one of the knights randomly screamed, and a bunch of dogs ran in and began sniffing them. One of them walked up to Colette, and she torched it again. "Found two matches!" They grabbed Raine and Genis.

"Yes..we're half-elves," Raine said, and kicked the knight behind her in the stomach.

"What?" Lloyd gaped, then thought it was a trick. "Yah right."

"We are, Lloyd," Genis frowned. "We were pretending to be elves."

"You LIED to me?" Lloyd screamed incredulously. "TAKE EM AWAY BOYS!" The knights threw Lloyd, Zelos, Colette, and Presea into the basement, then headed out with Raine and Genis. Raine had to be subdued by two scores of guards, as she was still attempting to get loose.

"What now..?" Zelos sighed. "This is just great."

"Hello," Kate said, as she put her hand up to her glasses.

"AHHH!" Presea ran over and hid in the corner.

"What's a matter? You look like you just saw a ghost," Lloyd said cleverly.

"Good thing that brat's not here to say the cliche thing," Zelos commented.

"I..was the one who put the Cruxis Crystal on Presea," Kate sighed, and put her hand toher glasses. She did that every time she talked. "That's why she's so overly friendly and outgoing."

"How can you treat people like that?" Lloyd threw his hands in the air.

"How can humans treat half-elves the way they do?" Kate shot back, but didn't forget to touch her glasses.

"I treat half-elves like I treat everyone else," Lloyd said. "Except for Genis...I don't like him too much."

"What? Yah right." How ironic.

_He isn't from Tethe'alla. Wow, that sounded cool._

Sheena and Corrine appeared in a puff of smoke. "C'mon guys, let's get out of here!"

"No..I can't let you," Kate said, and tapped her glasses again.

"QUIT TOUCHING YOUR GLASSES!" Lloyd randomly screamed. "Sorry.."

"Just let us go," Zelos coaxed. "Lloyd may have a horrendous haircut..and he may be pretty ugly.."

"HEY!"

"but he's going to save the Professor and that other kid that follow us," Zelos continued. "We'll come back." They walked over to the secret exit, and left the Imperial Research Academy.

Once they got to the Grand Tethe'alla Bridge, they began running across it, and the repetitive music began to play. A bunch of skits popped up at the bottom of the screen, but Lloyd didn't press Z for fear of the boxes.

"The drawbridge is going up!"Presea shouted happily. She did everything happily.

"We're going to have to jump!" Lloyd exclaimed, and put on a burst of speed.

"What? No way. I'll let those half-elves die!" Zelos shot back, and everyone gasped. "Er, I mean, WE'LL NEVER MAKE IT!"

"We have to try!" Lloyd said, and they continued on running, and jumped across the gap.

Everyone fell down toward the water, as Colette flew to the other side safely. Zelos could have swore that she stuck her tongue out at them. Suddenly, Nife randomly appeared in the air right next to Zelos, and gave him a big hug. A three second hug. Then...she? (please be a girl) disappeared.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Lloyd screamed, but pulled out a pencil and his Sudoku book, since it was a long way down.

**End Chapter Twenty-Six**

Okay, SUPER lame cliffhanger, but I had to end the chapter sooner or later. Review!


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven: Personal Hygiene

What is it? Three, maybe four days without a new chapter? Does that irritate you? Well no new chapters until next Saturday...

DON'T KILL ME!

Read my profile for more information..without further ado: the twenty-seventh chapter.

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Personal Hygiene**

When Lloyd was done playing Sudoku, he figured he'd spend the last thirty seconds of his life eating KFC.

"Mmm..." Lloyd stuffed the chicken and mashed potatoes down his throat. "Now if there's a good way to die, then this is IT!"

"We're not going to die Lloyd.." Sheena rolled her eyes. "Undine!"

"Hi," Undine came out of nowhere.

"Well, save us!" Zelos shouted.

"Oh, fine," Undine caused the water to come up from under them, and carry them safely to the bridge. She was about to disappear when..

"Yo, water girl, wait!" Lloyd called. "I dropped my KFC in the water."

"Tough shit," Undine disappeared promptly.

"Noooo!" Lloyd got on his knees and put his hands in the air dramatically.

"Anyway," Zelos stared at Lloyd. "Shouldn't we be saving Raine and the kid with the white hair?"

"Probably," Lloyd answered, and stood up. "STOP!"

**--Battl **Never mind, I'm too lazy to write the battle. Long story short, Lloyd, Zelos, Sheena, and Presea defeated the Papal Knights, saving Raine and Genis.

"You saved us!" Genis shouted, and ran over to give Presea a hug. Presea hugged back tightly. "AHH! Too tight. Lloyd!"

"Oh fine," Lloyd reluctantly put his arms around Genis.

"Cole- no, wait, I don't want to get torched," Genis decided. "Zelos!"

"Not in a million years," Zelos stepped to the side of Genis and tripped him.

"Are you fine with us being half-elves?" Raine asked. "Lloyd, I assume you are."

Lloyd stared dumbly. "What's a half-elf?"

Raine sighed. "Never mind. What about the Tethe'alla half of our group? Are you okay?"

"I don't really care," Sheena said. "It's fine with me."

"HALF ELVEZ ARE COOL!" Presea shouted, overjoyed.

"Half-elves suck," Zelos folded his arms. "But, whatever. You people don't actually seem like half-elves anyway. I'm fine with Raine. But Genis...you just watch your back."

Genis shuddered in fright.

"We need to get the Rheairds," Lloyd said. "They should be on the Fooji Mountains. But how will we get to them?"

"Silly Lloyd," Zelos shook his head. "I have a secret weapon. Let's go." Everyone raised their eyebrows, but they headed off to the Fooji Mountains.

"I can't believe we have to climb this mountain again," Lloyd complained loudly.

"WIMP!" Raine randomly yelled.. They reached the top, and the Rheairds were nowhere to be seen.

"Zelos, the Rheairds aren't up here," Genis put one hand on his hip and moved his other hand around like an idiot.

"Come over here," Zelos told them. "I have a secret weapon, remember?" They took a few steps, when some kind of force field came up around them. "OH NO!" was Zelos's phony shout. "I NEVER SAW THAT COMING!"

"Haha, you're stupid," Lloyd laughed, as Zelos rolled his eyes deviously.

"On the contrary, you're the stupid one," Yuan smirked, and emerged out of the darkness, even though there wasn't any darkness. But it would have been more dramatic. "Being tricked by the Cho- Cho- chocolate?"

"I LIKE CHOCLATE!" Presea shouted.

"AHHH! It's Yuan! Leader of the Renegades!" Lloyd screamed in shock.

"I'm no Renegade!" Yuan quickly said.

"Yeah you are," Sheena rolled her eyes. "You told us."

"Yeah," Lloyd agreed. "You're an idiot. And what did you mean by the chocolate?"

"Never mind," Yuan answered. "The point is, you're mine for the taking."

"GROSS!" Lloyd shouted.

"Not like that," Yuan shot back, then turned to the Renegades. "Retrieve the Rheairds. As for you, Lloyd Auri- er, Irving, you shall be held prisoner. Oh..what's this?"

"SUPER EVIL WITCH HAG!" Presea exclaimed.

The ugly Pronyma came hovering down toward them, with a look on her face like she was the most superior person in the two worlds.

"Lord Yuan, what are you doing here?" she asked with a raspy and annoying voice.

"Ugh, it's YOU!" Yuan took several steps back, and tossed his cookies. "Er, I mean, Pronyma, I was going to ask you the same thing. I am taking this boy, Lloyd Aur- dammit, Irving into custody. Why are you here?"

"I was sent by Lord Yggdrasill to take Colette," Pronyma explained, as her breath reached Yuan's nose, and he nearly gagged.

"Ugh! Gross!" Yuan shouted. "Pronyma, set some standards in life! Like personal hygiene! You can take Colette, just get out of here before I throw up again."

"Grr," Pronyma growled angrily. "Fine." She walked over and grabbed Colette's hand, when Colette's eyes suddenly turned back to normal, and she pulled away from the ugly witch's grasp.

"EW!" Colette shrieked. "So SLIMY!"

"Looks like your Key Crest shitworked after all," Zelos slapped Lloyd on the back.

"It really did!" Lloyd folded his arms proudly.

"Are you kidding me?" Colette retaliated. "Sure, it was a nice present, I just couldn't stand Pronyma's hand." She stupidly tripped and deactivated the force field. What a coincidence!

Genis laughed like an idiot. "THAT'S OUR COLETTE!" he said stupidly.

"That brought back some painful memories," Sheena commented, and Colette grinned evilly.

"YOU INFERIOR BEINGS!" Pronyma screamed angrily.

**--Battle--**

"This should be easy," Zelos laughed, and ran up when Pronyma suddenly breathed on him. "AHH! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!"

"Hehehe!" Pronyma cackled. Lloyd ran up and tried to attack, when Pronyma breathed on him.

"Doesn't work on me!" Lloyd exclaimed. "I had to smell Dirk, and trust me, THAT was a lot worse!" He hacked away with his two swords, dealing a lot of damage to the ugly bitch.

Sheena didn't dare to approach the disgusting fiend, and Genis was attacking from the back with his spells. Eventually, they defeated her.

"LORD YGGDRASILL! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Are you done?" Genis asked.

"Yes," Pronyma answered.

**--End Battle--**

"I'll kill you next time!" Pronyma shouted, then simply flew off. Just like that.

"Time to finish this Yuan!" Lloyd called over.

"Hahaha!" Yuan laughed. "It should be no problem defeating- what?"

Kratos came flying down in his coolio Cruxis costume to talk with them.

"Leave, Yuan," Kratos commanded him. "Lord Yggdrasill has summoned you."

"But I wanna fight Lloyd!" Yuan complained.

"You must leave," Kratos insisted.

"I WANNA FIGHT LLOYD!" Yuan screamed, and kicked Kratos in the shin. Kratos pulled out his sword, and that was enough for Yuan to take off with his wings into the sky.

"Hi Kratos," Lloyd waved.

"..." Kratos raised an eyebrow. "...Hi Lloyd."

"HI SHEENA!" Presea randomly yelled.

"How's it going?" Lloyd made small-talk.

"Don't you hate me or something?" Kratos asked.

"What? Oh yeah!" Lloyd realized. "GET OUTTA HERE!"

Kratos shrugged. "Mmkay." He took off, and eventually vanished from sight.

"So, Zelos," Genis said. "What WAS your secret weapon?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"The secret weapon," Genis pushed on. "You said there was a secret weapon."

"I never said that!" Zelos insisted.

"YES YOU DID!" Genis screamed.

"Genis, calm down," Raine said. "You don't want more beatings now, do you?"

"Anyway," Lloyd started. "What are we going to do now that the Renegades took the Rheiards?"

"I have contacts in Meltokio," Sheena informed them. "Let's go there, and see what they can do to help us."

They headed off toward the capital city of Tethe'alla when they suddenly ran into two guards.

"I'm sorry, Chosen, I cannot allow you to pass."

"Why not?"

"The Pope said not to."

"Oh yeah?" Zelos pulled out his sword and sliced the guy in half. "You want some?" The other guard took off running, and dropped his spear. "That's right, RUN! Oh yeah, I'm bad. I screwed the plot."

"Zelos, you just broke the fourth wall!" Genis protested.

"So what?" Zelos shouted. "THIS IS A STORY! BASED OFF A VIDEO GAME! HAHA DIE FOURTH WALL!"

Lloyd and Genis suddenly kicked Zelos in the back as he fell unconscious.

"Good job, Lloyd and Genis," Raine congratulated. "You seem to know how important the fourth wall is."

Genis nodded. Lloyd, on the other hand said, "I just wanted to kick him." Raine and Genis both sighed as one. They entered Meltokio.

"Let's go to the Elemental Research Academy," Sheena told everyone, and they all skipped off like everything in the world was happy and giddy.

"Hi Corrine," said one of the employees.

"Ahh!" Corrine hid behind Sheena.

"Why is Corrine afraid?" Lloyd asked.

"They...abused her," Sheena told them.

"Oh," they all said at the same time.

"Listen," Sheena began. "We need to be able to get on the other side of the Grand Tethe'alla Bridge, without actually taking the bridge."

"Have you tried washtubs?"

"WHAT?" Zelos screamed incredulously, as Lloyd and Genis snickered.

Kuchinawa walked in. "Washtubs are the only way of transportation you'll be able to use."

"Kuchinawa, what are you doing here?" Sheena asked, puzzled. "What about the EC?"

"Huh?"

"You know, the Elemental Cargo!" Sheena shouted.

"Oh yeah, that," Kuchinawa answered. "Well..you could use that, I guess. But aren't washtubs more fun?"

"No," they all shot back simultaneously.

Kuchinawa sighed deeply. "Fine." He tossed them the EC. "Meet me at the Grand Tethe'alla Bridge tomorrow. I'll show you how to use it." He disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"See?" Zelos said to Lloyd and Genis. "The people of Tethe'alla aren't country bumpkins like you."

Lloyd and Genis pulled out their weapons, as Zelos whimpered.

"Uh, uh, guys," Zelos quickly said. "Let's go crash at my mansion."

"MANSION PARTY!" Presea shouted. Without further witty banter, they headed off toward Zelos's mansion.

**End Chapter Twenty-Seven**

Okay, I skipped the Meltokio Sewers. That's not going to mess up the plot TOO much.. No one cares about Regal anyway. Right?

Yuan: Right. Review!


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight: Regal's Real Crime

Finally, I'm back from vacation so more updates! I think I've made it pretty far for a parody..

But whatever. Chapter time!

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Regals' Real Crime**

They walked up through Meltokio, and made sure to avoid the palace. It didn't help that Lloyd was walking around with a sign that said, "We're wanted criminals! Arrest us!", but they eventually made it.

"Oh. My. Cheese," Lloyd and Genis gasped once they saw Zelos's mansion, as Sheena rolled her eyes. Raine started drawing up floor plans, and checking for rare artifacts.

"HOLYCRAPZORSTHECOOLESTMANSIONEVER!" Presea shouted and started to jump up and down. "MANSION MANSION MANSION MANSION!"

While Presea was having her own party, Colette was trying to find the puppy that she had torched with the flame thrower.

"Puuppy!" Colette called with tears in her eyes. "I'm sooorrryy! PUPPY! AHHHHHHH!" With that she collapsed to the ground and cursed herself for harming an animal friend.

"It's huge, isn't it?" Zelos grinned stupidly, as they walked in to see the butler.

"Hi Zelos," the butler simply said. "Who are these people? Although the one in the orange robe is rather attractive.."

Everyone stared at the butler wide-eyed, while Raine pulled out her wooden club and began to go to work on the butler. I would be more descriptive, but then this story would be rated M for extreme violence, blood, and gore. Who knows what else?

"Well, right here is my bud," Zelos pointed to Lloyd.

"Good afternoon Sir Bud," the butler greeted as he was placed onastretcher. "See you later." The doctorsquickly put him in an ambulance and drove off.

"That's our Raine," Genis commented stupidly, just like he did with Colette. Raine promptly gestured in his direction with the club, and he immediately shut up.

"So...ready for bed Sheena?" Zelos grinned, and was slapped over the head by her hand.

"You fail," Lloyd informed him. "Why don't the rest of you guys go to random places around the house, and I can go talk to whoever I want?"

"Sounds good to me!" Colette exclaimed, and everyone walked over to random places around the house. Go figure.

"Hmm..I don't really want to talk to Raine," Lloyd said to himself, so he headed on up to spy on Genis and Presea.

"Presea..you're pretty," Genis said.

"OKAY!" Presea screamed. "THEN YOU'RE PRETTY TOO!"

"Presea!" Genis stood up, disgusted. "What the hell!" He stormed off, as Presea played with imaginary ponies.

"Hehehe," Lloyd snickered to himself. He was too lazy to talk to Colette, so he just went over to Zelos.

"Will you be departing for bed now, Sir Bud?" Zelos asked in a butler voice. "I've been working on that impression."

"Uh..sure," Lloyd answered. They all walked upstairs into guest bedrooms, and Sheena quickly bolted the door shut once she was pretty sure no one was in the dark with her.

"Phew," she muttered to herself. "No more Zelos."

"I hate it when you talk about me like that Sheena," came the red-haired Chosen's voice from the darkness. "Let's have some fun!"

"AHHHHHHHH!" Sheena shrieked.

* * *

"Sheena, where's Zelos?" Genis asked the next morning. 

Sheena smirked evilly. "In the hospital."

"That makes two!" Raine exclaimed joyfully.

"That's horrible," Colette said, while everyone was partying. "Shouldn't we head for the Grand Tethe'alla Bridge?"

"Yeah," Lloyd answered. "Zelos can meet us there. And if he doesn't-"

"Who cares?" Genis finished. Poor Zelos.

* * *

Once they reached the bridge, they saw Kuchinawa. Lloyd pulled out the wing pack, and examined it closely. 

"Made...in...China," Lloyd read, and decided to say something smart. "Most stuff is made in China, some in Japan, but some of it's also made in Asia."

"Lloyd," Genis rolled his eyes. "China and Japan are IN Asia!"

"Oh yeah," Lloyd smiled stupidly.

"What are China, Japan, and Asia?" Sheena asked curiously. Everyone shrugged, as they took the elemental cargo from Kuchinawa, and Sheena summoned Undine to make it work.

"Wait!" Kuchinawa called when they nearly departed. "Don't I get any other lines?"

"No," Raine informed him. "Good bye." The male ninja frowned, as they took off for Sybak.

* * *

"Kratos!" Lloyd exclaimed when they arrived at Sybak. 

"Yes it is," Genis said.

"Shut up Genis," Lloyd glared.

"Who is that?" Zelos asked.

"Kratos," Lloyd replied. "Didn't I already say so?" Kratos was tapping his foot impatiently, waiting for a chance to speak.

"I got that," Zelos said. "But like, who is he?"

"Kratos!" Lloyd shouted. "How many times do I have to tell you?"

"I know his name!" Zelos shot back, frustrated. "Oh, never mind!"

"There we go," Lloyd said. "Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah...KRATOS!"

"I see you still lack the skills to defeat me," Kratos stated plainly.

"What?" Lloyd protested. "How would you kn- AHH!" Kratos had slashed at him with his sword. "You did that just for fun!"

"No, that was to prove you can't defeat me," Kratos explained. "This-" Kratos slashed at him again. "is just for fun."

"AHH!" Lloyd fell to the ground, faking extreme pain. No one took pity on him. Kratos flew off, laughing to himself.

Sheena and Raine were eating popcorn, but when Lloyd got up they quickly hid it behind their backs.

"Are you okay Lloyd?" Colette shrieked, high-pitched enough for everyone to nearly go deaf.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go see Kate," Lloyd was annoyed that Colette shrieked. But so was everyone else.

* * *

Kate put her hand to her glasses. "Presea's Exsphere is messing her up. The only way to help her is to go through Gaorrachia Forest and meet Altessa the dwarf. Alright? Now get outta here."

"Woah, what's the rush?" Zelos asked.

Kate put her hand to her glasses, and was about to speak, when..

"That is IT!" Lloyd pulled her glasses off and stomped on them. "I am SO sick and tired of you PUTTING YOUR HAND ON YOUR GLASSES! RAWWWR!"

Everyone took a few steps back.

"Okay Lloyd, I think we should be going." Even Raine was a little shaken. Feisty beyotch, that Lloyd is.

* * *

"T-this is Gaorrachia Forest," Genis shuddered. "IT SCARES ME!"

Raine hit him with her club. "Get a backbone, Genis." They entered the forest, and after getting lost about a thousand times, they were nearly out.

"Hey Lloyd...hey Genis," Zelos called evilly. "Wanna hear a story?"

"No," they both replied at once.

"Too bad," Zelos grinned. "Once upon a time there was a monster in Gaorrachia Forest. He ate little boys who wore red and blue. They lived in his digestive system for a number of years until he finally-"

"AHHHH!" they both ran ahead, running into an ogre looking guy with blue hair, and wearing handcuffs.

"Presea," he looked at her long and hard.

"THAT'S ME!" she shouted.

"Child molester!" Lloyd exclaimed. "Everybody, ATTACK!"

"No, it's not like that!" Regal shouted. "Oh no.."

**--Battle--**

"We have no choice but to fight!" Regal yelled.

"I'm not going to let you molest Presea!" Lloyd charged over and hacked away with his swords. Regal suddenly took his handcuffs off and began choking him violently.

"AHHH!" Lloyd gasped for breath.

"I..am..not...A CHILD MOLESTER!" Regal screamed angrily, and choked Lloyd harder.

Zelos and Genis ran in and tackled him to the ground. No weapons. It was an all out street fight. Eventually, they overpowered Regal, and the fight was over.

**--End Battle--**

"Why do you wear handcuffs?" Lloyd inquired.

"For my crime," Regal explained.

"WHAT CRIME?" Lloyd raised his voice. "MOLESTING!"

"NO!" Regal shouted, and stood up. Sheena hit him from behind with a frying pan, and he fell to the ground.

"I hear voices!" Colette suddenly told them. "I hear voices! I smell soldiers! I see dead people!"

"WHAT?" they all asked.

"Never mind," Colette quickly answered. "But I seriously do hear voices."

"Damn! Corrine!" Sheena called.

"Why do you have to talk about me like that, Sheena?" Corrinesobbed, but went to look for soldiers.

Sheena sighed.

"Sheena!" Corrine came back a few minutes later. "There are lots of soldiers coming this way!"

Sheena sighed again. "I guess I'll have to take you to Mizuho."

"We get to learn how to be ninjas!" Lloyd's eyes brightened.

"We get to spend the night at your house?" Zelos asked, grinning.

"NO!" Sheena screamed, as she hit Zelos. "We're just going there to escape the guards!"

So they followed Sheena off to Mizuho, the Mystical Village.

**End Chapter Twenty-Eight**


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine: Can't Stop Music!

Finally another update. I've been so slow recently...I can't believe we're almost at Chapter Thirty. Unbelieveable.

Gosh...guest appearances. I can't tell everyone who wished for a guest appearance and didn't get one how sorry I am. I feel like a jackass.

Well, no sense for me to just mope. I don't own anything (especially Disney related), for like the whatever time.

This chapter is dedicated to everyone who wanted a guest appearance, and didn't get one. And, what the heck, all you other people too!

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: You Can't Stop The Music!**

"Well guys, here it is," Sheena pointed. "Mizuho, the mystical village of.."

"WHAT!" they all gaped in shcok, even Regal, who was bound and gagged.

"Huh? Oh.." Sheena sighed. "Yes, that." The gang had seen the inhabitants of Mizuho, who were all in various Disney character costumes.

"What the hell is with this place?" Lloyd threw his hands in the air.

"Could someone please untie me?" came Regal's muffled voice.

"Shut it, you child molester!" Lloyd shouted. "Is this like the winter home for the Disney World employees?"

"Not exactly," Sheena answered truthfully. "Walt Disney was the founder of Mizuho. Everyone who is a citizen has to help somehow with it."

Genis laughed. "Yeah, right! Walt Disney was from that imaginary Earth planet."

"Haha, you're just a bunch of LOSERS!" Zelos shouted. "That's why Mizuho is hidden, because they don't want anyone to see them, it'd be too embarrassing! Haha!"

Sheena kicked Zelos in the shin, and he toppled to the ground.

"Hey Presea!" Colette called. "Let's get our picture taken with Donald Duck! This should be fun!"

"YES YES YES I LOVE DONALD DUCK HE IS SO FREAKING AWESOME!" Presea shrieked, and the two happy girls skipped over towards the man in the costume, and posed.

"Smile," Raine rolled her eyes, and snapped the photo.

"Hey, guys!" Lloyd called, and they all came in. "Watch this." He sat down in a chair, and pulled out an orange soda. "Sunkist! Drink frrrrrresh!"

"Dumbass," Genis shook his head. "It's SUBWAY, eat fresh! Jeez."

"Shut up Genis!" Lloyd glared. "Let's go talk to whoever was in charge here." Lloyd's getting smarter, oh goody! That's character development, unlike Family Guy! Heh, just a joke. I kid Family Guy!

Once they got to the vice-chief's house, theyopened the door, and were suddenly attacked by Daisy Duck.

Lloyd got poked in the eye. "Ow! Dammit that hurts, you stupid duck!"

Daisy piledrived him into the ground. "Owwwwwwww!"

"Here," Orochi randomly appeared. "Come in through the secret entrance."

"Damn that duck," Llyod said and held his head.

The vice-chief, who I think his name is Tiga was sitting down on the floor. They looked over to see a glass chamber, where a guy in a Mickey Mouse costume was lying down.

In the center of the room, Vice-ChiefTiga was sitting down in a costume of Goofy.

"Goofy!" Colette shouted in joy. "Wait, what's your REAL name?"

"Goofy," came the voice.

"No!" Lloyd glared. "Your REAL name."

"GOOFY!" came the cheerful voice. Everyone stared at Sheena.

"Uhh..guys," Sheena started. "People in Mizuho kind of take their characters a little _too _seriously."

"Haha!" Zelos laughed. "Who are you, Minnie Mouse?"

Sheena uneasily looked at the floor.

"Oh," Zelos said simply.

"Gawrsh Sheena, wouldja tell me why you brought all 'a these folks here?" Tigaasked in a bad impersonation of Goofy.

"Uh, well Tiga-"Genis started.

"THE EYE OF THE TIGER!" Lloyd sang. Everyone blinked.

"What? How could this possibly-" Raine was panicking. "HOW ARE YOU ABLE TO SING!"

"EEK!" Colette shrieked and ran out.

"The Curse of the Purple Monster must not be in effect, since we aren't in Sylvarant," Genis stated.

"SWEET!" Lloyd exclaimed. "There's a place on Ocean Avenue, where I used to sit and talk with you-"

"Lloyd, STOP!" Sheena screamed.

"Can't stop addicted to the shin dig cop top he says I'm gonna win big!" Lloyd bellowed.

"Dammit, Lloyd!" Zelos took a page out of Raine's book, and hit Lloyd over the head.

"Ow Zelos, you ass," Lloyd complained. "Anyway, Tiga-"

"Who's he?" Tiga interrupted.

"Uh, Goofy," Lloyd corrected himself. "We need to find a way to refurnish BOTH of the worlds so that they both have enough mana!"

"Hahaha," 'Goofy' laughed. "You speak like the hero, Mithos."

"WHAAAAT?" Lloyd jumped to his feet. "Don't you ever, EVER compare me to Mithos, Tiga, you hear me?" He grabbed on the neck of the costume. "If you ever compare me to Mithos again, so help me I will kill you."

"Gawrsh, I'm sorry," Tiga apologized. "I guess we shall help you locate the Rheiards, in return for you letting the people of Mizuho move to Sylvarant."

"WHAAAAT?" Lloyd repeated. "Don't you ever- wait, you want to move to Sylvarant? Sounds fine to me."

"Lloyd, you can't make that decision," Genis protested.

"Genis, I can, and I did," Lloyd shot back. "Now let's go to Ozette." He pulled out some KFC and ate it. What? I had to put in the obsession somewhere..

Everyone headed toward the village of Ozette,which was overshadowed by a giant hill. All of the gang felt gloomy as they entered the dreary town.

"Wow, the author was actually being descriptive," Genis snickered. A bright lightning bolt suddenly came down out of nowhere and zapped the idiotic twelve-year-old who was foolish enough to speak up against the author. He lit on fire, and burned to ash.

Lloyd pretended to look around for his friend. "Where is your boy tonight?" he sang. He laughed hard, when, by the author's super duper powers, Genis turned back into his original form.

Okay, description over. This is killing me.

"Where's your house, Presea?" Raine asked. Genis was about to say something, but he didn't because he was still in extreme shock from dying and coming back to life.

"IT'S OVER THERE IT'S A VERY COOL HOUSE I WANTS TO SEE DADDY!" Presea took off running immediately.

"Guess we should follow her," Zelos shrugged, but immediately got distracted by a girl.

Sheena sighed. "What an idiot. What should we do with him?"

"Just leave him," Colette said. "I want to see Presea's house!"

Genis was still in shock, but they headed off to see the hyper active girl's house anyway.

* * *

"La la di da!" Presea sang. "Cookin' food, makin' stuff! Doin' chores, havin' fun!" She ran around the room like a crazed robot. 

Outside, Rodyle was walking out of the house. "Hi," he simply greeted when he saw Lloyd's group.

"...Hello," Regal said. "Lloyd, could you please take off my handcuffs?"

"What's your name?" Lloyd inquired.

"Regal," he answered.

"SUSPICIOUS!" Lloyd shouted, when Raine slapped him over the head. "Fine, but you have to help fight bad guys with us. And stay away from Genis." He moved Genis over to the other side of him.

"I TOLD YOU!" Regal screamed in retaliation. "I am NOT a child molester!"

"Then what was your crime?" Lloyd asked.

"..." Regal was at a loss for words. "I cannot tell you yet."

Lloyd turned to the rest of the group. "I'm telling you guys.." Regal rolled his eyes.

**Regal joined the party. Wowie zee.

* * *

**

"Ooh, marvelous!" Raine exclaimed, obviously in her own world.

"What's up Professor?" Zelos asked.

"Yes, I'm curious too!" Colette said.

"It's this line.." Raine explained. "They pop up from time to time, and I have no idea what its purpose could possibly be. Here is another speciman:"

* * *

"Hmm.." Colette glared at the above line. "I guess we'll know sometime." 

"C'mon guys, we're in Presea's house," Genis told them. "We need to find out what's going on."

"Oh, yes of course," Raine responded, and went to look at the bed. She lifted up the blanket, and once she saw was underneath, she burst into maniacal laughter.

"What's so funny?" Lloyd demanded, and walked over to take a peek for himself. "OH MY G- He's gone, like yesterday is gone! Like Saturday is GONE! Like-"

"Shut up Lloyd," Zelos commanded. "Presea obviously has no idea what has become of her dad. For now, let's just go see Altessa."

"Wow, that sounded like Raine," Sheena said, surprised. "What's come over you Zelos?"

"I don't know," Zelos shrugged. "Blame the author."

"Whatever," Lloyd said. "We need to see Altessa." They headed out of Ozette, and went over towards his house. Of course, it really didn't take that long to get there, but it's time to wrap this chapter up!

**End Chapter Twenty-Nine**

Lloyd isn't going to have a new fast food obsession...I've decided. Anyway, review! Next time it's Chapter Thirty!


	31. Chapter Thirty: Like, totally!

Bleh..I've gotten pretty sluggish when it comes to updating. I'll try to keep this chapter as good as the other ones, I'm just really pissed off right now. I had just gone through Tales of Legendia for the first time, and the damn Playstation 2 froze up during the credits. Now I have to do it all over again..

Me: (strangles Yuan)

Yuan: What...did...I do? (falls down)

Me: Sorry...(frowns)

* * *

Songs..haven't done these in a while.. 

Eye of the Tiger - Survivor

Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard

Can't Stop - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Gone - Switchfoot

**Chapter Thirty: Like, totally!**

Altessa heard a loud knock at his door.

"TABATHA!" Altessa shouted from his workshop. "WOULD YOU GET THE DAMN DOOR?"

"Dude, like, I'm like on the phone!" Tabatha called over while talking on her cellphone.

"Just get the door!" he yelled back, annoyed.

"Like, fine, dude," she shrugged, and went and answered the door to see Lloyd and his group.

"I'm kind of like on the phone! Like, why did you come here?" Tabatha addressed them.

"We came down to watch the world walk by!" Lloyd sang. "And all she found was trouble in my eyes! From the sky she-"

"Shut up!" Zelos kicked him in the back of the leg and he fell down. "We came to see Altessa."

"Like, duh," Tabatha rolled her eyes. "He kind of like, lives here, you know?"

"Yes," Raine answered. "We need to see him right away, it concerns Presea."

Tabatha dropped her cell phone in shock. "Uh, like, Altessa doesn't want anything to like do with Presea. And I was just about to like, go to the mall with my like, friends, so-"

"We really need to see him!" Genis protested. "Presea's really messed up."

"Like, yah right," Tabatha rolled her eyes again.

"See for yourself," Sheena moved out of the way so that Tabatha could see Presea.

Presea was picking her nose with both of her hands, and was singing to herself. "MY LITTLE PONY BUTTERSCOTCH AND MEATBALL LA LA LA LA LA DI DA DA!"

"Like, she needs some serious help," Tabatha realized. "Come on, like, in." They followed the strange teenager into Altessa's workshop, to see a fat little dwarf.

"Go away," Altessa immediately commanded.

Colette frowned. "But we didn't even-"

"OUT!" Altessa shouted.

"But-" Regal tried to protest.

"OUT!" Altessa repeated.

"SHUT UP!" Raine screamed at the top of her lungs and there was instant silence. "You have screwed this little girl up, almost beyond repair , AND YOU REALLY NEED TO FIX HER, DAMMIT!"

"I'm sorry," Altessa apologized. "I suck at life. I can't even make a decent robot. Just look at Tabatha."

"I'm like, going to the like mall!" Tabatha called.

"Fine," Lloyd frowned. "We'll find some other way. Come on guys, let's leave."

"CAN WE RIDE PONIEZ? CHROME PONIEZ!" Presea asked.

"Yes Presea," Sheena sadly said. "Chrome ponies."

On the way out, they ran into Tabatha.

"Is there any way that we can help Presea, with her Cruxis Crystal?" Genis asked Tabatha desperately.

"Like, go to the like Toize Valley Mine," Tabatha answered, and Regal suddenly shifted his position. "Fine some like, inhibitor ore. It is so like hot, these days."

"Okay, thanks!" Genis said gratefully, and they headed towards the southern part of Tethe'alla in the EC, towards the Toize Valley Mine.

"Time to get some inhibitor ore for my darling Presea!" Zelos exclaimed.

"Or we could get killed on the way to the mine," Lloyd added.

"Woah, what's with the negative attitude?" Sheena raised an eyebrow.

"I am sorry, my conscience called in sick again, and-" Lloyd sang, until everyone hit him over the head Raine Sage/Will Raynard style.

* * *

Once they finally got inside the mine, they came across the security system. 

"Okay now everyone," Regal started. "Please do not-"

Suddenly everyone (excluding Raine and Regal)ran up to the security system, pulled out their weapons, and beat the crap out of it. With every hit on the machine, Regal winced, and frowned. Raine however, reacted differently. Her eyes turned red as she pulled out her wooden club.

"We did it!" Genis shouted. "We destroyed the magitechnology security system!"

"Genis..." Raine growled. "YOU WILL DIE!" While Raine chased Genis around the room, Regal led the rest of them in the mine.

"Should we go on ahead?" Lloyd asked the ogr- wait, no character bashing. Lloyd asked the fa- c'mon author. Lloyd asked the idio- oh forget. Lloyd asked the ogre. There we go.

"No," Regal shook his head. "Raine and Genis should be coming in right about...now."

Raine entered the room dragging a very bruised and bleeding Genis.

"High-five!" Zelos ran up to Raine. She declined.

"Who the fucking hell has been operating inside this mine?" Raine screamed. "I will personally rip the liver out of the person who is responsible for the rest of their live!"

"Uhh..Raine," Sheena interrupted. "Well, a human only has one liver, and if you-"

"SILENCE!" Raine demanded. Sheena stepped back. Regal sighed deeply, and they proceeded on.

* * *

"Look Professor!" Colette yelled. "It's the line that you were studying!" 

"I'm sorry Colette," Raine frowned. "Nothing can cheer me up right now."

"Hey Regal, what's this?" Lloyd asked, as he changed the Sorcerer's Ring.

"With that, you can use mana bombs," Regal informed him. "But be careful, they can harm us too."

Lloyd grinned evilly at Genis, who immediately let out a yelp and took off at a sprint. The kid in red chased after him, throwing mana bombs at him.

"Dammit Lloyd!" Genis screamed as he was BOMBarded. Haha. Never mind. "That hurts! STOP!" Zelos was laughing.

"Lloyd, stop," Raine smacked him. "If anyone is going to abuse Genis, it's gonna be me."

"Or Regal," Lloyd smirked. "He's a child mol-"

"I AM NOT!" Regal screamed, and everyone except Colette laughed. She didn't get it.

* * *

"Here are all the boxes," Regal told Lloyd once they reached the end of the mine. 

"Wow, there sure is a lot of 'em," Sheena commented.

"Oh! Never gonna quit! Nothin' wrong with it! We're actin' like we're animals!" Lloyd sang, as he destroyed all of the boxes until he found the inhibitor ore.

Regal sighed deeply. "There, you found it. Now can we get out of here before we destroy something else?"

* * *

When they neared the exit, a big fat guy came walking in.

Zelos bent down over to Lloyd and whispered, "I bet that guy's never had a single girlfriend in his entire life!" Lloyd and Zelos snickered silently.

"HI REGAL!" Vharley explained, and walked on by.

"...WOW," Genis commented.

"You two know each other?" Sheena inquired.

"They're probably best friends!" Colette shouted to the heavens.

"I bet he knows what your crime is," Lloyd grinned. "Child molestation."

"NO!" Regal screamed.

"Then what is it?" Lloyd shot back.

"I can't tell you!"

"Molestation!"

"FINE!" Regal yelled. "It's murder all right? I killed someone!"

Everyone gasped. Lloyd just shrugged.

"Better than molesting," Lloyd walked out of the mine, and everyone followed. Regal frowned, and sighed deeply.

Hmm...I can't leave a chapter of my story on a sad and emotional moment so...

"IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!" Genis sang, and Lloyd began dancing with him. "PEANUT BUTTER JEEEEEELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!"

Maybe the emotional moment would have been better.

**End Chapter Thirty**

Yuan: You've got...problems.

Me: Shaddup. Review and all that good stuff!


	32. Chapter Thirty One: Backup Regal

So slow at updating...for those of you who read my story "The Great Outdoors", a new update should come soon. I'm also making a parody where the cast writes the synopsis, like in Tales of Legendia! That should keep you satisfied for a little while...heh, I'm cheap.

Jay: Nice going, you stupid bandit.

Me: Shaddup. I don't own many of the numerous pop culture references I make in this chapter, or anything else!

* * *

Rough Landing, Holly - Yellowcard 

I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me - Fall Out Boy

Animals - Nickelback

**Chapter Thirty-One: Backup Regal**

"Finally at Ozette," Genis said. "I'm so sick of-"

"Love songs!" Lloyd finished for him, and everyone sighed.

"Ah crap, it's the Papal Knights," Zelos pulled out his sword.

"Bring 'em on!" Sheena shouted,and they got into a fight. After the fight Colette decided to collapse for the hell of it.

"Collapsing is fun!" she called, and suddenly Presea walked up andtook out a giant pink axe.

"BACK EVERYBODY BACK!" Presea yelled with joy, and sliced at everyone.

Most of the people ducked, but Regal got hit in the chest. "Ow, dammit!" He bled all over the ground, and collapsed in pain.

"Come with me, little girl! Ehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!" Rodyle laughed, and jumped up with her on a flying monster.

"Dammit! GET BACK HERE!" Lloyd shouted. "You damn child molestor!"

Presea suddenly stopped attacking, and no one was hurt. Except for Regal, who by this time was unconscious.

"Nice going Presea!" Lloyd spat. "Now I won't give you your Key Crest."

Raine hit him over the head. Regal was still bleeding, and was not moving.

"Fine," Lloyd growled. "Here you go."

"PONIEZ PONIEZ PONIEZ PO- where am I located? What happened?" Presea suddenly realized everything, and that her dad was dead.

"I'm sorry for causing all of you so much trouble," Presea aplogized.

"I liked her better when she was hyperactive," Zelos complained.

"When my dad became sick, I decided to help him work," Presea explained. "Vharley decided to place an Exsphere on me, and introduced me to Rodyle. He took me to the Imperial Research Academy, and I became a test subject."

Then Regal, oh crap..

"Oh my God, you killed Regal!" Genis screamed at Presea.

"You bastard!" Lloyd chimed in. "Seriously, what are we supposed to do now?"

C'mon, just do it!

"No! I refuse!"

Do it!

"I am a member of Organization XII, I will not-"

**_You will do it because I commanded you to. GET ON IT._**

"Oh fine," Saix gave in. "Hello. I am Regal."

"No you're not," Genis argued. "Regal doesn't have an X on his head."

"But he does have long blue hair," Lloyd pointed out.

"But Regal doesn't wear a long black coat," Genis protested. "And-"

**He is Regal. End of story.**

"Oh fine," Genis sighed. Dejavu.

"Let's just go along with it," Raine said.

"Sounds good to me," Sheena shrugged.

"He's still ugly.." Zelos muttered.

Saix pulled out a script. "Priseea, do you have an older sister."

"Dude, you pronounced Presea wrong," Lloyd said.

"Shut up," Saix commanded. "Do you have an older sister?"

"No, but I do have a younger sister," she stated. "Her voice was annoyingly high pitched, and I haven't seen her since she was kidnapped by a child molestor."

"Sucks for you," Lloyd laughed.

"Well, do you want to come with us, my darling Presea?" Zelos asked.

"Yes I will," Presea said. "I wish to rescue Colette, even if she is an annoying bitch."

"Can...I come...with you...to?" Saix read.

"No, you're a child mol-" Lloyd got hit over the head by both Sheena and Raine. "Oh fine."

"HI KIDS!" Kratos exclaimed.

"Kratos, what the hell are you doing here?" Lloyd gasped.

"Well, I was going to tell you something," Kratos answered. "But if you really don't want me to.."

"Lloyd!" Sheena shouted.

"Well then," Zelos shrugged. "Good bye."

"No!" Lloyd changed his mind. "Fine. Tell us."

"You know, the plot would be incredibly screwed without me," Kratos announced. "You should be thankful."

"Fine, thanks," Lloyd said quickly. "Just tell us."

"The people of Mizuho have discovered the location of the Rheairds," Kratos told them. "And it's worth mentioning that Colette is useless to Rodyle in her current state." He simply flew off.

"Oookay," Genis said. "Well let's go to Mizuho!"

"Please, end the chapter," Saix pleaded. "I want to go home."

But we're only at 690 words..

"696," Saix shot back. "You want more words? Okay: la la la chicken, peanut butter, Yu-Gi-Oh, penguins, applesauce, South Park, green, Pepsi-"

Shut up. We are not ending the chapter yet. Continue on to Mizuho.

"When I come aroooound!" Lloyd sang when they finally got to Mizuho. Everyone, including Saix, hit him over the head.

"Over my head, over my head!" Lloyd shouted, and they kicked him in the gut.

"Oh great, it's the Disney idiots again," Zelos said, as Chip and Dale ran around dancing.

"Let's just go talk to Ti- Goofy," Raine said, and they all agreed to go talk to the lunatic in a costume.

"HI KIDS!" Goofy exclaimed. "Want to take your picture with me?"

"It's us," Sheena sighed.

"Oh, hi Sheena!" Goofy greeted. "We found the Rheairds, but you have to go summon Volt! Fun, huh?"

"SCREW OFF YOU LUNATIC IN A COSTUME!" Sheena screamed, and bolted out of the room, leaving Tiga to cry.

"Lloyd, you better go talk to her," Zelos told him.

"Yes, I think that would be for the best," Presea nodded, in a (sigh) normal voice.

Lloyd went over to talk to Sheena. "What's wrong? You made Goofy cry."

"I'm sorry," Sheena apologized. "It's just that last time I tried to summon Volt, it didn't work and everything got fucked up."

"It didn't work at first, we tried it two more-" Lloyd sang, and then Sheena slapped him.

"Thanks, I get what you're saying," Sheena smiled. "Just no more singing."

"You can do it Sheena!" Corrine exclaimed in an annoying high pitched voice. "We're counting on you! This is more exciting than when I accidentally swollowed a rubber duck!"

"A rubber duck?" Lloyd raised an eyebrow.

"Hence the annoying voice," Sheena answered.

"Well, I guess we'll go and you can summon Volt!" Lloyd exclaimed.

"Chapter's over," Saix threw the script on the ground. "I'm outta here."

**End Chapter Thirty-One**

Jay: That was...strange.

Me: Yes...yes it was. For those of you who are wondering about Regal, he will indeed be back next chapter. For now, review!


	33. Thank You!

You guys are awesome, thanks for all the support.

Since some of you already commented on my update, I'm just putting this here as a big thanks, and so that you can review the next chapter.

Thanks once again!

-ZF422


	34. Chapter Thirty Two: Last One Standing

Been forever since I updated this..I really do apologize. Reviewers/readers - you guys are awesome. Thanks for everything!

So Sick - Ne-Yo

Over My Head - The Fray

When I Come Around - Green Day

Chapter time! I don't think there will be any songs in this chapter..it's hard thinking of songs.

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Last One Standing**

The gang left the village of Mizuho, and took off towards the Temple of Lightning. Sheena was sobbing hysterically the whole time, while Lloyd and the others tried to calm her down.

"YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!" she screamed, with tears frantically rolling down her cheeks. "DIE! DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS! YOU'RE GONNA DIEEEE!!!"

"It's okay Sheena," Lloyd said reassuringly, and tried to pat her on the back.

"YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!!" Sheena yelled at the top of her lungs, and grabbed Lloyd by the shoulders, shaking him back and forth as she could not control herself. She then pulled out a knife. "IT TAKES ALL THE PAIN AWAY!" After she was done screaming, she began to cut her skin as the blood trickled down her arms. All the while, she was still crying.

"Bad Sheena! Bad!" Raine called over, and yanked the knife out of her hands. She chucked it out onto the ocean, as Sheena, with no knife, used her sharp fingernails to claw away with her emo strategy. Raine let out a ferocious roar, and Sheena finally stopped. "See, Sheena? We seem to be approaching the Temple of Lightning, and nothing bad has even happened!"

"That's because we're not inside, dumbass," Lloyd laughed.

Raine stopped breathing suddenly, and collapsed. The embarrassment of being called a dumbass by the Idiot of all Idiots seemed to be just too much to her. They shrugged, leaving her there, and headed towards the temple.

"Woah, it's big," Genis looked up at it in awe.

Zelos giggled. "That's what SHE said." Lloyd, Genis, Regal, Sheena, and Presea both smacked him upside the head, as he fell to the ground. Raine moaned under her breath something about "ripper0ffz0rz". They went inside, and all looked around at the amazing sights.

"Woah, this place is aw- OWW!!" Genis got shocked by a bolt of lightning that came down from the ceiling. Everyone pointed and laughed at him. Lloyd quickly ran over and changed the Sorcerer's Ring, and shocked Genis with it. "Ow, Lloyd, that's not funny!" Lloyd sent out a ball of lightning at Genis again, and was zapped again. "You think it's so funny?" Genis whipped out his kendama, and waved it through the air. "Indignation!"

"Can you even do that spell?" Lloyd scoffed, and a bolt of lightning came down upon him and he fell to the ground unconscious. Everyone just laughed at him, and went into the next room, blocking the lightning bolt that was shot out at them with the writer's laziness shield. Sheena was still apparently afraid that everyone was going to die, and was holding up a sign that said "the end is near".

They entered through the door, with Genis leading the pack. As soon as he stepped through the door way, he was grabbed by a blonde haired seraphim and everyone could hear Genis screaming bloody murder. No one said a word, and a few of them wet themselves. Nevertheless, they carried on.

Regal then snatched up Presea and then took off once they had entered the next one. Presea was yelling something, and Regal was screaming about something. Sheena would later say that she heard Regal say something along the lines of "the next best thing after Alicia".

Sheena was all by herself now. Just her and Corrine. Someone's gonna die. Guess who? She cautiously entered the room, and then looked around, drawing her cards. "It's time to duel!"

"Dot...dot...dot," came the ominous voice of Volt.

"I know you're there!" Sheena screamed, and looked around cautiously.

"Dot...dot...dot."

"ARUGHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Corrine yelled out in pain.

"No, Corrine! Corrine! Corrine! Corrine! Cor-"

"Would you shut up?" Corrine muttered, as she breathed her last and died.

"Dot...dot...dot.." Volt would say. _Now it's time for you to meet your end, summoner._

Sheena looked back and forth. "WAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!" Tears poured down her face.

"Dot...dot...dot.." _Oh..no..don't give me that. Come on, I'm only going to zap you._

"Wah huh huh!" she bawled, as she fell to the floor and began pounding on it with her fists.

"Dot...dot...dot.." _Oh, I hate it when they cry. You know how many pathetic summoners I've had cry on me? Mithos, he cried. He bawled like a little baby. Yeah, some hero huh. Fine, just make your pact, you baby._

"Don't call me a baby!"

"Dot...dot...dot.." _Do you want me to zap you?_

"No!" Sheena quickly squealed. "For Pete's sake, I ask you to make a pact."

"Dot...dot...dot.." _The pact has been made. I'm getting too old for this.._

Suddenly, Celsius appeared. "So you too, Volt, have had the misfortune of meeting this emo ninja."

"Dot...dot...dot.." _It would appear so._

Celsius shrugged. "Sucks for you. Well, I'm out."

"DOT! DOT DOT!!!!!" _Don't you have to like...inform them of what's going on?!_

"No," Celsius shook her head. "Everyone who reads Tales of Symphonia fanfics have obviously played the game at least fifty times."

"Dot...dot...dot.." _Suit yourself. _Celsius and Volt disappeared, and Sheena collapsed to her knees.

**Sheena learned some lightning spell.**

**Sheena got some lightning thing.**

**Sheena learned Temper Tantrum.**

"Sheena! You did it!" Lloyd exclaimed when Sheena had come out of the Temple of Lightning.

"Where were you guys?" Sheena yelled. "I had to face Volt all alone!"

Regal explained, "You said we were going to die. So we decided to stay out here, drink fruit punch, and watch television."

"You guys are the worst friends ever!" Sheena screamed angrily.

"Yeah, whatever," Genis shrugged.

Lloyd stopped for a second. "Wait, what were we going to do again?"

"Uh...duuuuuuuuuuuhrrr," Zelos said.

Kratos was up in a tree, sighing deeply. "Do I have to do everything?" He threw down a picture of Yuan and Botta at the zoo, and it hit Lloyd in the back of the head.

"Ow!" Lloyd yelped, as the picture hit him hard. He picked it up, and laughed. "Oh yeah, we gotta visit the Renegades. Why is Botta kissing a llama?"

Kratos chuckled, and then flew off into the air.

"Let's head for the Renegade base," Raine told them. "It should be somewhere around Flanoir, the snowy city."

Regal frowned as usual. "Fine, we shall head there."

"It's pancake time!' Genis yelled.

"AUGHH! DON'T HURT ME!!" Lloyd screamed, as he expected stalagmites.

"No, I made some pancakes," Genis hit Lloyd over the head, as they hopped into their boat...thing and headed off towards the Renegade base.

**End Chapter Thirty-Two**

_Hope you liked the chapter. I kinda got writer's block, so it might be as good. At least I updated!_

_Thanks for the support! You guys are awesome!_


	35. Chapter Thirty Three: Super Regal!

_Thanks guys. Your continued support is always greatly appreciated beyond words._

_Been one year, huh. Should've been done by now I guess, I never expected that I wouldn't be able to update as fast as I used to. As much as I wish this thing could go on forever, let's make sure it doesn't go...two years._

**Chapter Thirty-Three: Super Regal!  
**

"So...this is the Renegade base?" Raine voiced aloud once they neared their destination.

"Yeah," Genis said. "It looks identical to the building where we rescued Lloyd, after he got captured. Moron."

"...Dat hurt my feelings," Lloyd said, looking very...hurt.

There was a technological looking building with a large cardboard sign that had "RENEGADE BASE - KEEP OUT N00BS" written in black sharpie. You think that with all their machines they could have made something...better.

"Hello," called a figure who looked like a Renegade/Desian.

"OHMIGOSH IT'S A DESIAN!" Lloyd screamed, and pointed.

"I'm supposed to be a Renega-"

"OHMIGOSH IT'S A RENEGADE!" Lloyd screamed, and pointed.

The figure sighed, and removed her mask. "No, I'm from Miz-"

"...OHMIGOSH IT'S JACKIE CHAN'S WIFE!" Lloyd screamed, and pointed.

"NO!" the figure yelled, and pulled out some of her ninja cards. She prepared to attack Lloyd.

"Bad!" Sheena yelled, and ran in front of her fellow ninja. "Sit...stay."

Raine sighed. "I'm assuming that you're our contact from Mizuho."

"Yes..yes I am," she nodded, backing away from Lloyd, who was growling at him.

"That would work out wonderfully," Presea piped up suddenly. "Now, do you know the password to enter the secret room?"

"P...password?" she said. "How do you know about the p-, I mean, what password?"

"TELL US THE PASSWORD!!!" Lloyd screamed, and grabbed a fork and a knife. He ran over when Zelos suddenly grabbed him.

"Wow Lloyd," Zelos sighed, and pushed him out of the way. "So barbaric...let me handle this." He walked over, and smoothed his hair down. "...Hey."

"Hello," she said, looking slightly agitated.

"Y'know...you could just tell us the password," Zelos coaxed, while moving closer. "I could make it better for you..."

"No!" she screamed, and tried to run away, when Regal grabbed her arm.

"Tell us the password," he said harshly, and the girl immediately turned red.

"W-well," she muttered. "If you insist. The password is...password."

"Come on!" Genis threw his hands into the air. "That joke is so overused, it's not even funny anymore. You're lying, aren't you?"

"Well, I was going to lie," she fidgeted in her stance. "But this gentleman's hair is so blue...and...flowing."

Raine swung her staff in the general direction of the girl, and zapped her. Her costume was destroyed, and we saw...Pronyma.

"Damn you!" Pronyma screamed, and flew away. Regal just stood there in shock, not moving and not appearing to be breathing at all.

Lloyd and Genis just looked at each other and stuck their tongues out. Simultaneously, they screamed, "EWWWWWWW!!!!"

"There's no time to waste," Presea motioned towards the base, and the band of misfits took off running, leaving Regal behind. He continued to stand there like a statue.

"Let me hotwire the elevator," Raine spoke up as they reached the control panel, which was out in broad daylight for anyone to control. She pushed a few buttons, and in a few minutes they had entered the docking area.

"It looks like once again, the Rheiards are free for the taking," Genis grinned. "Good thing that today's game developers are as clichéd as ever."

"You've got to give Namco more credit than that."

Yuan came walking in with his cape wrapped around him; your typical mysterious character. Botta followed suit running in, and fell flat on his face.

"You guys have totally raped the dialogue," Lloyd said, disgusted.

"You still got your cliché joke in, didn't you?" Yuan shrugged. "Seems perfectly alright to me."

Tales of Screwedonia: Where Overused Jokes Go to Die.

"RAAAAAAAWWWR!!!!" Botta suddenly yelled and beat his chest. "CAVEMAN ATTACK!!!"

The battle began, AND...was over almost as soon as it started.

Lloyd earned the title **Too Stupid to Know When to Escape.**

"No..NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Yuan yelled as he watched them fly off in his Rheiards. "A former Seraphim deserves better than this. Doesn't matter...they're still playing into our hands. It wouldn't be an RPG without that now, would it?"

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lloyd screamed in delight, as he swerved the Rheiard around through the sky. "This is fun!!!"

"Lloyd!" Raine called out. "You're supposed to be leading us! Steer, damn it! Steer!"

"Come on Lloyd," Sheena yelled. "What the hell are you doing?"

Rodyle saw Lloyd and company flying in from a distance. He laughed, and his dragons came out to assist him.

"Now when they land, eheheh," he snickered. "EAT THEM! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!!!"

"Uh, boss," one of the dragons said. "Ignoring the fact that I shouldn't be able to talk...they're here."

"EHEHEHE- WHAT?!?" he screamed, as the Rheiards immediately crashed head-on, full speed, right into the three dragons, Rodyle, and the island. It immediately began to crack, as they came to their senses.

"Fly away, hurry!" Genis yelled. "The island's cracking apart!"

"We have to save Colette," Presea insisted, and refused.

"Professor!" Sheena called. "Raine, we gotta go!"

"Presea," Raine sighed. "I'm sorry, but she's a lost cause." The Rheiards began to fly off.

"N-no.." Presea began crying, as tears ran down her cheeks. "But..I have t-"

"I SHALL SAVE YOU!" an idiot screamed, as he flew up towards the island in a Superman costume. It's a moron! No it's a dumbass! Wait, it's a combination of the two! It's Regal Bryant!

"Tadadada, da daaaa!!" Regal yelled out in sing song, as he grabbed Colette and flew over to the Rheiards.

Colette was overjoyed. "Thanks Man of Popsicle!"

Regal smiled and shook his finger. "No need to thank me, it was you!"

Once they had reached land, Regal took off the lame Superman costume. No need to worry, he had on his prisoner's clothes underneath it. I can hear a few sighs of relief coming from the readers.

"Thanks so much Regal," Colette said sincerely. "And you too Presea. You came and got Rodyle and his dragons. Thank you."

"...What about me!?" Lloyd piped up, as Colette was staring lovingly at Regal.

"I liked it when you wore those tights," Colette giggled, and gave Regal a hug.

Lloyd's jaw dropped to the ground. Literally. "NOW WAIT ONE FREAKIN' MINUTE."

"Where are we going now, Raine?" Genis asked, amid Lloyd and Regal trying to fight.

"We're off to the rest of the temples," Raine answered, and looked over at Sheena. "We're counting on you for the next one."

"You got i-" Sheena joined in, then suddenly stopped. "Isn't that Lloyd's line?"

"He's lovesick," Genis laughed, and then turned who Zelos, who appeared to be the same as Lloyd.

"What the heck is going on?" Zelos sighed. "First it was Pronyma, now Colette. I'm a natural Prince Charming, and he's the most repulsive thing alive! Why is Regal getting all the girls?"

The others started to walk off, while Zelos stayed behind, crestfallen. Lloyd appeared, and tapped him on the shoulder.

"We now seem to have a common enemy, Chosen," Lloyd said, trying to act intelligent.

They both immediately looked evil and stared at each other. Simultaneously, the said, "He's goin' down!"

End Chapter Thirty-Three


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